I can’t dedicate the million hours NaNoWriMo requires this year. It’s a great book – I’m sorry none of you will get to spend quality time with Dagmar.
Forgot To Press the Magic Button
I wrote a post a while back and it was sitting in draft mode. I may publish it with a previous date. I just might do that, don’t you try to stop me!
I have really ignored my site and that’s a shame because next year is the 20th anniversary of bigdumptruck.com and maybe I’ll have to fire things up and offer prizes to people who actually read my posts and can answer questions. Or people who send me money or diamonds. They could get a prize as well. Amazon has a whole thing now where you can offer items as prizes, which makes me laugh when I’m looking at something particularly expensive. I think I get seven visitors a day (probably because I update so infrequently, what with Twitter taking up the ten minutes a day I used to devote to writing here.
If I offer a prize, it will likely be something incredibly useless. I think those are the best prizes of all, don’t you?
I have given myself the task of writing a “Collection” of short stories while I am home recovering from surgery. I don’t know how much writing I will get done because in general I am a horribly lazy person. Maybe I will write a story about a person who had surgery who is trying to write a collection of short stories. Write what you know, right?
The good news is that when I announced I was going to try to do this, I said that I would write crappy short stories, so everyone will have super low expectations. Those are always the best kind of expectations!
Here’s a sample for you.
All those novels she had read about the romance of the starving artist did not cover the very real possibility of dying from the world’s worst caffeine headache by the end of the week. Her tombstone would read “Here Lies Annie Hatfield, dead of a broken heart when her boyfriend, Morning Breakfast Blend, left her in her time of need.”
I downloaded a new app today called Hanx Writer. Oddly enough, the Hanx does refer to Tom Hanks, who worked to create an app that replicates his beloved typewriters.
Anyone who knows me at all knows there are three sounds in life that I adore beyond reason; tap dancing, crackling fires, and typewriters. The sound of typing literally lulls me to sleep, which is a dangerous thing when you work in a building surrounded by people typing all day.
But I digress. Go download this free app (Hanx in iTunes) and tell me it’s not fantastic. I actually paid for all three styles of typewriter AND the 99 cent add-on that will let me use these as my keyboard in any app.
Yes, I have a problem, but any time I can give myself a soul-soothing delight for less than $6, I’m all in.
Tools For Improving My Whole Life
I found a thing on Amazon (and put it on my wishlist!) that is the one thing that I need to make everything in my life fall into place. It will make me healthier, prettier, make men fall in love with me on sight. It will improve my singing voice, my ability to cook chicken, and I’m pretty sure it would get me that Miss America Crown I’ve always wanted.
One thing it would really do well is help me write that book I’ve been meaning to write for the past 30 years. It would help get it published, too. And then it would help the book sell and make me a freaking boatload of money.
I’m of course talking about the Montegrappa Chaos Limited Edition 18K Gold Rollerball Pen.
The Limited Edition 18K Gold Rollerball Pen of my dreams!
(Click to view on Amazon)
I think what I like best about it is the fact that the pen comes with not one but two skulls. Sure, all that intricate detail might really irritate your hand after hours of writing with it. But isn’t that a small price to pay for an 18k Gold rollerball?
I feel I must issue a stern warning about this pen, though. The pen, while awesome, is not jewel-encrusted. I can’t think of a single thing that isn’t made better by jewel encrustation. This pen would be, that’s for damned sure.
BUT, I’m going to stick my neck out and still recommend this pen. It is a limited edition, and technically, you could probably attach your own diamonds to it. I mean, I think you should, actually. In fact, I insist upon it. After you order this pen for me, you should arrange to have your favorite jeweler attach diamonds. Maybe a ruby or two. Nothing too ostentatious, but something to add a little pop to the pen. Looking at it now, it’s almost too plain without the jewels. Maybe you should just save your $69,000 while I try to find something better. Or, hey, get this for me and I’ll use it to write you a thank you card.