I ran across an IOS game today that struck me as being exactly the kind of game I would make up if I were writing a story/play/script and I had to include a video game.
Virtual Beggar is a game where you are a beggar who can work your way up off the streets. Or possibly guess not, if you aren’t very good at virtual begging for handouts.
Hey, maybe you guys can give me money to write a story that would include a game like this one so I won’t spend all my spare time simulating begging! Best of all worlds!
In the meantime, I did download the game because I assumed you would want me to. It requires very little human interaction, if you don’t want to actively “play”. I can set all my employees to work and most will earn coins for at least an hour. I don’t know what the endgame is, but in the meantime it’s actually kind of engaging and also I have hired Santa as one of my employees in the office building I bought with the money I earned begging. That’s right. I’m a real estate tycoon business beggar!
I live in a house now. I stand on my lawn with my hamster (people give more when you have a pet) and people, like a pantsless Mexican man, throw money at me.
So would I recommend this game? Sure, it’s free, and I can pull out my phone, put all my employees to work with a couple of clicks, and close the app while they make me a pile of coins. If only I could figure out how to enjoy this type of wild success with no startup costs in real life.
I was looking to buy a bug vacuum and this one had great reviews. PERFECT!
Bug catcher or travel cube? (Click to view on Amazon)
I’m glad I decided to read these amazing reviews, which were for multiple other products, but definitely not the bug vacuum. So either a bug vacuum can be used as packing cubes, or you pack the bugs in the cubes after sucking them up. I think I want to buy the other products now because I definitely want
- A Guardians of the Galaxy poster delivered in a real cardboard box, not a cheap plastic tube. Wait, the bug vacuum has a plastic tube. The poster could be stored in that part?
- Magic stones to ward off the Illuminati. Or support them. The reviews are unclear.
- Travel cubes that will easily fit my underwear. I mean, the bug vacuum is a tube you could store things in, right?
I think the Illuminati should consider being paid pitchmen for important products like pickle forks, clip-on fans, steering wheel covers, or everyone’s favorite Illuminati branded tank tops and flip flops.
In case Amazon straightens out the reviews, here’s an example.
Famous for my conversation spirals and related Wikipedia hopping, I present you with a reenactment (not verbatim) of tonight’s post-dinner conversation.
Me: I wish we had cake. Or really just frosting. Frosting is really all you really want. If you had frosting you could put it on bread and just call it cake.
Me: I’m sorry but I’m going to be giving you your pink slip. I have to let you go. You’re just not providing the level of service I require in this relationship.
Him: [Briefly glances at me]
Me: You haven’t provided what I need. To do a podcast. This relationship is doomed. [pause] I brought you here tonight so I could let you go in person. I wanted to allow you to buy dinner for me and my son one last time.
Him: You don’t want to keep me around to provide Mexican food?
Me: No. Because I can buy my own chalupas at Taco Bell.
Him: What is a chalupa?
Me: I… don’t know. It’s just a great word for a TacoBell product. Did they make it up? [Opens Wikipedia and reads the history of the chalupa]
Me: They say the one at Taco Bell is more like a Gordita. [Clicks link to read about gorditas.]
Me: Gordita means “chubby” in Spanish. Heh heh heh. ‘Do you have a chubby?’ Heh heh heh
Me: I need to learn more Spanish.
No-filter Jody announced her domain name to her coworkers, new boss, boss’s boss and HIS new boss at a team lunch. Because why not make them all call into question whether or not hiring the person behind The Big DumpTruck was a good idea. (I vote good idea, if anyone is asking me.)
I also promised them I’ll start posting more often, because that is actually on my to do list. Now that my Twitter and FB participation has gone down to a tenth of what it was, I’m going to need an outlet for all the thoughts currently cramping up the alpaca barn that houses my brain.
We’ve all been there before though, haven’t we?