The Big DumpTruck

Throwing Little Thought Pebbles at Your Windshield Since 1996

A Staples Death Rattle

Did you ever encounter a situation that was so unbelievably silly that you can’t even really get mad as it’s happening, but you get more and more angry about it later? Let me tell you a little story about my Staples adventure! 

 I had been thinking about getting an external keyboard for my iPad mini. Because my printer is low on black ink I ran to Staples and thought I’d see what they had. I’m kind of a Goldilocks when it comes to keyboards so I like to try them out.

I found the section with iPad keyboards pretty quickly. All the boxes had “Display Unit” on them (one box per brand/style) so I walked around looking for the display, which didn’t appear to be anywhere in the store.

Sales guy approached and I asked to see the keyboards.

“We used to have them on display but they took it away.” (Who is they, and why would they do that? And how is this a valid explanation for anything?)

“Oh, because the boxes all say ‘Display unit.”

“Yes.”

“…so there aren’t any in the boxes.”

“No.”

I wait a moment, because surely he’s going to help me, right? I’m pretty sure it’s his turn to offer up information.

But no.

“So I can’t even take one out of the box to try it because you literally don’t have any on the shelves.”

“Right.”

“Just empty boxes.”

“Sorry.”

Okay, Staples? How is this even remotely acceptable? Aren’t you in the business of selling things?  What is this nonsense of filling shelves with empty display boxes? Watch me walk out the door and not come back the next time I need something tablet or computer related. Because “Display only” boxes with no display is one of the most stupid things I’ve run into in months. And I can go to Target or Walmart or Best Buy and get a damned keyboard and I’ll bet the boxes aren’t empty.

Also, train your sales “people” to anticipate my follow-up questions and not give a one word answer to a reasonable line of questions if you want us to bother driving to your store instead of just ordering things online. 

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Typewriting

I downloaded a new app today called Hanx Writer. Oddly enough, the Hanx does refer to Tom Hanks, who worked to create an app that replicates his beloved typewriters.

Anyone who knows me at all knows there are three sounds in life that I adore beyond reason; tap dancing, crackling fires, and typewriters. The sound of typing literally lulls me to sleep, which is a dangerous thing when you work in a building surrounded by people typing all day.

But I digress. Go download this free app (Hanx in iTunes) and tell me it’s not fantastic. I actually paid for all three styles of typewriter AND the 99 cent add-on that will let me use these as my keyboard in any app.

Yes, I have a problem, but any time I can give myself a soul-soothing delight for less than $6, I’m all in.

Time to Think About My Major

When my son was very little he became alarmed while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie. That’s the one where Goofy’s son Max (wait, we’ll get back to the fact that Goofy reproduced later) is going to college. My son went into a complete panic at the thought that he’d have to leave home and go to college. At the time, he had probably just started elementary school (there may even be a post on the subject somewhere from when it happened) so I didn’t even think he knew what college was. But he did understand that you moved away from home and lived at the school, thanks to the movie. And he hated the idea.

So he asked me, tearily, if he would have to go to college. I said that I thought he would want to, but that if it would make him happy, I would go to college with him and be his roommate. He was very happy with this, and dropped the subject completely. (See, parents, sometimes when they are little, it isn’t about being honest with them, it’s about making them feel like you won’t ever put them in a scary situation alone.)

Anyway, I’m a woman of my word and he graduates high school in 2016, so he and I should probably sit down and start to talk about what schools we will apply to, and what my major should be.

Show Your Love

I hear you all murmuring “How can I show Jody some love?” It’s a common question. I’ll help you out.

First, sure, donate money to worthy causes in my name. That seems like a good thing.

But, if that’s just not enough, we found a gallery in Kennebunkport with an original painting by one of my favorite artists, Edward Gordon. My parents and sister chipped in to buy me a framed print many years ago, and i still stand in front of it and just look at the detail periodically.

I had never seen an original painting of his, and I was giddy about it. For only $14,800 you could buy it for me. Wouldn’t that be super nice of you? I think it would be!

http://www.maine-art.com/ArtDetail.asp?Size=med&Inv=EG1113

If that’s too steep for you, the gallery also had the 9th signed and numbered print of this piece:

http://www.gordongallery.com/current/april-evening.html

It’s only $500 for the large signed and numbered print, or just under $1000 framed. I’ll let you choose.

(I own a small print of this piece http://www.gordongallery.com/current/morningtempest.html . The large on on my mantel is Dreamdancing http://www.gordongallery.com/archive/lithos/dreamdancing.html. The picture of the latter does not do it justice.)

The Owner

I just got a telemarketing phone call from an uptight-sounding woman. These people call often, according to my missed calls list, so I wanted to answer to get on their do-not-call list.

Me: Hello?
Them: May I speak to the owner?
Me: Excuse me?
Them: The owner.

What would possess anyone to call ANYBODY and start a conversation that way? No identifying who you are at ALL?

You get nothing but a “Please Add me to your Do Not Call list.” We are through here. Thank you for playing. Goodbye.