The Big DumpTruck

Labels: football, kids, sports

The look on Pap's face mirrors how I feel right about now. And I want to point out that I did take a picture of him standing there in a jock strap but Mr. Dump posted the picture he took on his iPhone over on Red Sox Soul because he got to the computer first and I didn't want you to think I was copying him.

Labels: happy, Red_Sox

I took the camera to the Bolton Fair on Sunday, hoping to find something good to photograph. When I realized the Frisbee Dogs were going to do an exhibition, I knew I had to try to get some action shots. This dog, Jazz, as really the most psycho and fun to watch. They told us she has to go out first because she'll wear herself out, freaking out and barking, until they let her "play".

There are about 8 other cool doggie photos on my Flickr account (and 30 or so more on my hard drive!)

So did I miss seeing any of you Sunday? We were the ones taking pictures of chickens. No, really.

You know, I try to keep things light here. I'm not in this to get a reputation as a bully or a bulldog or a bull-ony. But I read an article in the Sentinel today that absolutely made me furious. Enough so that I feel I should send a letter to the paper in response. But maybe I'll just vent here to keep myself in limited amounts of trouble.

So for background, go and read the story in the Sentinel and Enterprise. I'll wait.

Okay, so a local mom blew her top over a flier sent home to parents about a wine tasting to benefit the Leominster Education Foundation. A foundation, by the way, trying to raise money to put computers, software and other tools into the schools, outside of the regular school budget.

I'd heard about the wine tasting at the PTO meeting, and I thought it was great that they'd been able to put something like this together. I also got the flier in Junior's backpack this week.

Here's where my head exploded:

"The schools are basically saying, 'Hey, there's a wine tasting, give this to mommy and daddy so we can get drunk with them,'" Tarbell said Thursday afternoon.
Tarbell said the flier sends kids the message that drinking is acceptable.

You know, Ms. Tarbell, if you interpret a wine tasting as an invitation to get drunk, that would be YOUR PROBLEM and maybe you should look into getting some professional help. Wine Tasting does not equal kegger. Wine Tasting is not a tailgate party. Wine tasting is not taking a bottle of Boone's Farm behind the neighbor's barn when you were 12.

And guess what, Ms. Tarbell? Drinking IS acceptable. To pretty much everyone except Jehovah's Witnesses, Mormons, Lindsey Lohan or anyone not legally of age to do so. I spent 3 weeks with a family in France and even the youngest kids had some watered down wine with their meals. Because it's not the big freaking deal it is over here. So when they turn 18 or 21 they don't immediately become useless wastoids intent on killing every last brain cell on 100 proof rum. Because they don't see things like wine tastings as Nosferatu's Welcome Wagon.

Your poor kids are going to have a really warped sense of alcohol's place in our lives, and I would fear that they are going to see it as the apple tree in the garden of Eden. "Oooh, it's forbidden and it makes mom crazy! It must be AWESOME!"

And if you don't like my response, too bad. Maybe you shouldn't have taken your misbegotten crusade to the newspaper. I got the flier, and there is NOTHING ABOUT IT that implies a)it's for kids and b) that it's anything but a very classy, exclusive opportunity for adults to gather and try small samples of wine and food. Not one thing about the flier would have been appealing to an 11 year old. My 9 year old didn't even look at it. YOU, my dear, are the one making your children think this is a BFD.

Well, hey, one thing, you got the Foundation's event a lot of free publicity. I'll bet people who weren't even thinking of going before are now going to buy a ticket. I know I may. Just to prove a point.

Labels: idiots, kids, News, rant

According to ABC News, Venezuela made the worlds' largest pot of soup. That's fantastic. I'm a little ashamed that I didn't think of it first. 3960 gallons of soup, that was. They claimed it was enough to feed 60-70,000 people. That's crap load of people. Let's do the math, shall we?

For 60,000 people, 15 folks would share a gallon of soup, give or take. We should round up, because there are 16 cups in a gallon. So I went and poured a cup of water into a bowl. Alright, that's not bad. But really, what if it's my favorite soup? A cup isn't bad, but do you think I'm going to the end of the line of 59,999 other people to try to get seconds? No way.

Labels: food, News, soup

Mr. Dump is.

Remember a long time ago I wrote about how he faked everyone at TGI Friday's out by saying a story on the TV was about drug-sniffing bees? And we all got a good laugh when he said he'd made it up?

There's a story on Gizmodo today about a device people are using along with bees trained to sniff drugs. Or bombs. Or bad novels.

Holy crap, someone must have read my website last February and decided to make this idea a reality. I should sue these people and make a lot of money! Go me! And go Bees!

Labels: bees, freaky, News

It's hard to live an exciting life. First people want you to pose on a box of Kraft Mac and Cheese, then they expect you to attend ribbon cutting and key to the city ceremonies. It's all so much work. I live a modest life. I get up in the morning, and Mike Lowell brings me bacon and eggs in bed (over medium, bacon extra crispy but not burnt). After I eat he dabs at my lips with a linen napkin and tells me he's going to go get 4 hits for me in the game and I tell him "you do that, babycakes."

After that, I take a shower and brush my teeth like every other good American. I have to take a phone call from the President because he needs to know what color underwear to use that day. "Today is Tuesday, so look for the blue ones with 'Tuesday' written on the band." So now you know...if it wasn't for me, the POTUS would wear the same undies every day of the week.

To keep myself grounded, I updated the Still Life with Interview page on the site for the first time in about a year and a half. But you guys are totally worth it. Just click on the tab up there on the top left. I know, it's an iffy one, but I'm easing into these high-level updates, you know?

Labels: fun, lies, Mike Lowell, Red_Sox

So I was asked to leave a NorthEast Airlines flight yesterday because my outfit was too revealing. I know that normally I do wear pants, but it was pretty hot yesterday, and plus, I got tar all over them after I finished my shift on the road crew repaving Harvard Street.

I didn't think anyone would mind because I had pulled my shirt down, but the flight attendant, the pilot, two passengers and the guy who wears headphones and holds those red sticks to tell the plan when to stop all asked me to leave the plane and put on something more decent. They did offer to give me a stapler and a pile of luggage tags to see if I could fashion something myself without having to leave the gate area, but I ran out of staples and the little strings on the tags were tickling me.

So I missed my flight, which was going to the Arctic Circle. I'm really bummed, because I was going to try to take some photos. I haven't really added much to my flickr album lately.

Labels: fun, lies, travel

I'm blind with fury. If I were at that game, I would have yelled some
very choice words. Actually I was here but I had to kind of FCC them
with Junior watching. I said "You french word for shower!"
Grrrrrrr.

Let's see. Probably time to do that post where I try to make my life more exciting. I should post about something that could never ever ever happen in real life, certainly not to anybody I know.

So this morning my dog discovered a naked bank robber passed out by my pool.

What do you think, too unbelievable?

Labels: fun, lies

Way to go, Buchholz. We'll try to give you a little room, and not be too harsh if you falter a bit in your next start, but we are looking forward to VERY GOOD THINGS from you. Okay?

I'll even forgive you for being called up so that there was no chance I would see you start at my first Pawsox game yesterday. (Holy crap, what a great place to see a game. Even though we got creamed by the Scranton Yankees. Even though our seats were in the middle of the row and the people on the ends didn't have a firm grasp on the art of letting people by.) Next year we will definitely grab more tickets earlier in the season. And I can't say that the fun of the day didn't have anything to do with the family we went with - thanks P, L, A and C for a lovely day!

Junior (and the other two boys) got the Pawsox team baseball cards, so we have the Buchholz card front and center today.

Labels: baseball, junior, Red_Sox