The Big DumpTruck

I just wanted to let everyone know that this year I will not be doing reviews of all the old champagne in my fridge because there isn't any. I would also like to say that I just tried to find a link to the reviews of the five bottles of champagne, but it doesn't seem to still be here anywhere. I don't have time to go through every file I have, but damn, is it really gone? And if so, to where?

Food on hand: Chips and dip, buffalo wings, and root beer. I'll bet you're all jealous. You should be. We'll be asleep long before 2006 arrives...

p.s. What the hell, Google! As of when do you give results for the name "Jodie" if I use "Jody" as a search term? Those are NOT THE SAME NAME!

Apparently someone went outside with a shovel and smacked the big sign over at the Fitchburg Savings Bank because the temperature is back to normal. I don't know, I kind of liked the shock value of seeing -92 degrees. I suppose they consider themselves providing a service to the many people driving by, giving them the right temperature. But to me, -92 jarred me right awake, and that's a service as well. If *I* owned a bank, that's what I'd do. And maybe I'd have the clock say 46 o'clock, too.

I stopped by Target last night because I couldn't help myself. Well, I needed something from the food department, and ended up going down to the Christmas stuff because I was having a burning urge for some cinnamon candy canes. I ended up buying some lights and paper. I tried to get paper that was as generic as possible, and when I got home and put it in our wrapping paper thingy...I already had one of the rolls in there from last year. So next year, everyone is getting the red paper with the gold stars. I have 200 or so yards of the stuff to work through.

Anyone here playing the new Animal Crossing for the Nintendo DS? I am J-La of Lemonsta. If you drop me a note, I'll email my friend code and we can visit each other! I've done some visiting with random strangers (there's a site out there that will pair you up...if you are looking for guests, it will send your info to 3 people who are looking to visit another town) but I'd rather visit with people I know. I give this game 5 out of 5 stars. It's very very similar to the gamecube version, but there are some enhancements. The fact that 4 players can live in the same house and that you can expand beyond what you could in the old one is good...so is the hair salon and the fact that you can now buy hats and glasses and headgear in addition to clothing. I think that's my favorite part. J-La spent most of yesterday walking around in a baby bonnet and a fake glasses and mustache set. I'm surprised any of the Animals in my town treated me normally.

So if you don't own it yet, get it, so we can play!

Well, I guess the temperature did, but it's winter, so the drop was expected and I didn't pay attention to the ooze factor. I had to take a different route to work (dropped Junior off at my mom's for the day) and drove past a Fitchburg Savings Bank branch that had one of those time/temperature thingies. The temperature, according to the sign, was a balmy -92 degrees. How I wish to God I'd taken my camera this morning, but then I'd have had to get out of the car to take the picture, and what if the air temp surrounding the bank actually was -92 degrees because of some supervillan like Mr. Freeze attempting to rob it? Then I would have frozen to death right there in the parking lot while attempting to take a picture. I just can't risk something like that, so you'll have to just take my word for it. Or drive down John Fitch Highway on your own today, if you're local.

So now Christmas is over, and I'm left with that "I have nothing to look forward to" feeling. I hate that. As much as I adore preparations for Christmas, I hate the feeling you get when you realize it's all over, except for putting everything away. *sigh*

There's a weather alert out for our area (North Central MA) for tonight, and covers upcoming stormy weather for Sunday/Monday. You can read the details yourself, but I did want to point out the following sentence in the National Weather Service Bulletin:

"THE RAIN MAY CHANGE TO FREEZING RAIN SOMETIME CHRISTMAS NIGHT AS THE COLD AIR OOZES SOUTHWARD."

Oozes? Does cold air ooze? I had no idea. I have never seen this phraseology before today.

Cold Fear Grips My Soul
A Christmas Story by Jody

It was late. Later than late. The moonless sky held no hope, no light. The smell of fear and despair and car exhaust filled the air. It was the day before Christmas, and the mall parking lot held captive the souls of hundreds of unrepentant shoppers.

"This sucks" exclaimed a small boy, whose mother smacked him on the back of the head.
"Shut the &%#$ up! And don't use that *#@#^& word!" she chastised, while glaring at him and ramming her cart into a rack of Doritos.

I cowered in the corner, tears stinging my eyes, my nose running until I had to wipe it on my sleeve. I hate crowds. I detest masses of people taking the things I want, and holding up lines while they try to learn how to use the debit card machine. The little child was right. This totally sucks.

I never should have moved my prescriptions to Target.

I wanted to announce that my current favorite Christmas Carol is Carol of the Bells. I know you want to know this. Go write it down somewhere, I'll wait.

I was trying to think why it's my favorite. I think it just has to do with the solemnity of it (I guess it depends on the version. The Jingle Cats are right out.) and the fact that it just feel very wintery and holy at the same time. Something like that.

So the cool thing about iPods is listening to songs in alphabetical order. I haven't loaded anything near my full collection into iTunes, because my iPod only holds 4gig of stuff. But I can currently listen to 6 versions of that song in a row! And yesterday I did!

My current favorite version is actually one with words, I believe by the Memphis Children's Choir but when I bought it at iTunes it doesn't actually say who performs the song, it's just listed under "Children's Xmas". For only 99 cents, you can listen to the same song as me!

Gaily they ring
While people sing
songs of good cheer
Christmas is here
Merry merry merry merry Christmas
Merry merry merry merry Christmas
Gladly proclaim
With one accord
The happy tale
Welcome the Lord
Ring Christmas Bells
Ring Christmas Bells
Merrily Ring
Tell all the world

Okay, I'm not as sad as I would be if we were talking Big Papi. I'm not so sad about Johnny "no Arm" leaving as I am that this really just removes the last remaining poster boy of the 2004 team (assuming Manny is going somewhere else). Sure, we still have some of the better guys from that team, but who do I think of from that year, after Papi? Millar and Damon. Cowboy up, and ride off into the sunset, boys. And to the stinkin' Yankees...man, that's what really stings, I think.

My normal morning routine is that the radio alarm blares, and I smack it off. It's a reflex. This morning it went off while Jen from XLO was reading news, and my reflexes turned it off even though I didn't want to. I heard "Ex-Red Sox centerfielder signed for..." and I knew, but not the details. If the Sox had signed him, it wouldn't be Ex now, would it?

It certainly woke me up, anyway.

I'm happy today. You want to know why? Because it's officially the day that marks the end of the days getting shorter and we start get 30 extra seconds of daylight every day. Or something like that. I hate hate hate commuting home in the dark. I drive on winding unlit backroads, and almost hit a deer a few weeks ago. (Almost as in, when I got the van completely stopped, the front back end of the deer was about a foot or so away from my grill.) I really just need it to be light while I'm driving that route, thank you.

Only a couple of days until Christmas. I guess it's time to start wrapping. I have piles of gifts in my room because we can't leave anything under the tree this year. I just don't trust the dog. Also, I took the plunge and set up my Christmas train set and put it under the tree, so we couldn't put gifts there. The dog has been pretty good about the train. Well, actually, when we first got it up and running, he was HORRIBLE, but it was really funny. He was barking at it, and would jump on my lap so I would save him from it, and he finally got brave and sort of knocked it off the tracks with his nose. The next day, we could run it and he didn't even pay attention to it. So I guess once he vanquished the beast, he didn't have to worry about it (or bark at it) any more. I won't run it if I'm not watching him, because it is an expensive set, and I don't want him to knock it over or chew on it. But I'm happy that I was able to at least set it up and play with it a little. Maybe next year, I can try putting out some of my houses.

Okay, there's a new contender for best headline of 2005. I don't know what the other contenders are, but Reuters gave us this beauty today: "Violent, Drunken 'Bad Santas' Wreak Havoc Worldwide". I mean seriously, does it get any better than that? It's a story about bad guys dressing up in Santa Suits. The highlight of the story, in my eyes, was "in Auckland on Saturday ... 40 drunken Santas rampaged through the city center, stealing from stores and assaulting security guards in a protest against Christmas becoming too commercial."

Well, that'll show 'em, eh? I wonder what they serve for Christmas dinner in the slammer?

I also wanted to update the bad Christmas Special entry from the other day. Sure, Grandma Got Run Over by A Reindeer was a horrible mess of a cartoon, but for some reason, a show we caught later that same day was much, much worse. Much worse. Did anybody but me see "A Christmas Dinosaur?" See, this little kid snuck a peek at the present from his aunt, a petrified dino egg, that happened to hatch and then they had to hide this thing (which understood English pretty well, by the way) until Christmas morning, when they finally admitted there was a pterosaur with a 20+ foot wingspan living in their treehouse but luckily, somewhere in the Rocky Mountains there is a colony of dinosaurs who came back to claim this one. Holy crap. Accent on crap. I just tried to look it up, and anyone who doesn't believe me can try to catch one of the following showings on Cartoon Network: "A Christmas Dinosaur" - December 20, 9:00am - December 22, 10:00am - December 24, 1:00pm - December 25, 7:00pm

I don't think we need to be watching the animated "Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer." Gah. Shut it off, shut it off!

Those are great words to hear from your kid when you are headed out the door in the morning. I figured he had dry skin, so I went to get the moisturizer...and when I looked at his torso, I had the pleasure of looking at a hive-covered little boy. His arms, legs, belly, back and his bum...covered with red welts. I have to admit I was horrified and immediately tried to think of what he'd eaten that would do it.

I made Mr. Dump run upstairs to put him back in the shower to rinse off any soap residue from his first shower...which is where I learned that he'd used some of the shower gel "Axe". I didn't know he was going to use it because I would have told him no - he has sensitive skin.

This reaction was VERY extreme, though. Sheesh. We ended up slathering Desitin all over his whole body and giving him some antihistamine. About 30-40 minutes later he wasn't itchy, and 2 hours later the welts were gone. I don't think he'll be doing THAT again any time soon.

It's Thursday, and that means it's time for me to list the things that have been bugging me. Well, I don't have to wait for Thursdays to do that, as many of you have probably noted, but if I make it sound official, maybe you'll keep reading.

• What the hell is a national foam shortage? Jordan's Furniture is advertising some mismatched pillowtop mattresses that they obtained ahead of the "national foam shortage". Isn't foam manufactured? Did a foam factory go up in flames? Or is all foam from areas affected by the hurricanes? I just have to say that I was completely unaware of this foam shortage, and I was wondering where I should go to begin hoarding.
• iTunes New Music Tuesday emails...is there a reason that they never arrive on Tuesday? I get them on Wednesday or, like today, Thursday. By Thursday, I've usually checked out the free download already, thanks. Why can't the Tuesday email go out on Tuesday?
• Hey, Joseph's Jewelers in Leominster: Last I checked your parking lot isn't really purple. It's tar, like most other parking lots. The lines are purple, but in winter, when everything is covered with slush and snow, it's hard to tell. So telling people they can't miss your store because of the purple parking lot is a little misleading, don't you think?

Thanks to Sue, who posted in the comments yesterday that the reason we're not getting a Smokey Bones in Leominster is due to a demographics issue. As in, we're not rib-eatin' people? My son, who doesn't eat ANYTHING that isn't pasta-based or chicken McNugget-based, eats the pulled pork at Smokey Bones.

Where are these demographics coming from, anyway? Who exactly do they talk to? I would love to see what they say about us, that we can add a crappy Italian chain to a town/area that has a lot of GREAT Italian restaurants already (Il Forno, anyone? Monty's? Gondola, Il Camino, Cristina's, that place down next to Newbury Comics at the mall? Lidio's? (Are they considered Italian?) I know I'm forgetting some - the place at the corner of Summer Street and John Fitch Highway in Fitchburg for one, I can't remember the name). So that we really needed an Olive Garden (blech) but not a Smokey Bones is ridiculous.

It makes me feel like we were just dismissed as a place where people have no taste and just want the same things over and over. I find that very insulting. You put any good restaurant in a prime location like that, and they will do a booming business.

Grrr.

Twice this weekend we hit Cherry Hill (in Lunenburg, behind the ice cream stand of the same name) to go sledding. We had a couple of different sled types, and we witnessed a ton of others, and I feel like I am as qualified as anyone to evaluate which ones worked best.

First of all, I would like to thank the sled companies for coming up with designs that GREATLY improve over the crappy stuff we used to use as kids. Not that some of those items weren't being used over the weekend, but they clearly were inferior products.

I will use the sleds available at Amazon for my rankings, as that way I can use the graphics guilt-free.


Snow Mountain Shredder

We have a sled very much like this one that Junior tried on Saturday. I'd give it a B-. It did the job, but not as fast as the others. The snow apparently needs to be just right. Plus, it's heavier than some of the other sleds so the kids get tired of dragging it back up the hill earlier. Always a concern.




Fireglow Snow Tube

I have to give the tubers the edge this weekend with an A. Tubes worked well on both days, especially Sunday when the snow was more packed down. In a race with 2 kids on the next sled, and one kid on a tube, with the sled going down at least 4-5 seconds before the tube, the tube caught up and passed the sledders. And they seemed to go further than anyone else. My best bet is a tube. I watched several of them run over other sleds and keep going. A+





I literally cannot believe they still sell steel sleds. I wouldn't get this just for the weight. And it seems to me the steel would be an issue for having snow stick to it in certain temps. But I'm not a scientist, so I could be way off base. I'd go with the similarly round foam kind [next].






Whirler

This is the same as the next kind, but only in a round form. I give this an A-, only because I find the round shape limiting (i.e. you can't use it on your stomach)





Snow Crusher

First runner up is this style of sled. The one we used, which had two sets of handles so two kids could ride, doesn't appear on Amazon, but you get the idea. It's an "EPS foam core board with hi definition graphics, laminated and thermoformed to a high density polyenthylene, and easy to carry easy grip handles." Lots of different styles out there, and all of them worked REALLY well. Also an A.

If you don't have a sense of humor, you just don't want me in your little Secret Santa exchange. Or the office Yankee Swap. I'm just saying that I take great pride in finding the best worst gifts possible within the dollar limit. This year, I was in one Secret Satan exchange where I sent out a CLASSIC gift (that I won't mention yet because we haven't had our reveal). But Wednesday night I was out with my sister and a friend and we wandered the Mall at Whitney Field and ended up in the new clothing store where Cherry and Webb (or Touraines, depending on how old you are) used to be, down by Sears. It's the 9.98 clothing store, everything is 9.98 or less. (By the way, folks who are on a serious fixed income, they have winter coats for ten bucks. Not beautiful, but functional, and I think that's all that matters this time of year.)

We found the following item, which I immediately had to have. Of course, we had 15 minutes of giggle fits about it, but for $10, someone at my work Yankee Swap is in for a REAL treat! In the photo below, Mr. Dump models it, but kept yelling "hurry up, I think it's starting to melt onto my body and I won't be able to get it off!"

Mr. Dump didn't want me to show his face in case someone found this and used it against him somehow.





Yes, that's 100% pure vinyl, baby.

I can't wait until the Yankee Swap!

Just saw a commercial for a plastic wall clock that plays "The authentic Meow Mix Commercial Jingle" every hour. Just shoot me.


Okay, something I DO want is a good free referral script. I want to see the list of the most recent referrers, including search terms. The stuff that comes with my hosting package doesn't break down at the day level well enough for me. So if I get a lot of traffic this morning, I want to know WHY. Thoughts?

We bought Junior the 2005 Lego Advent Calendar this year. It's our first year with this type - we'd done playmobile in the past, and some of the plain "oh, look, a drawing of a mitten" kind.

This is the least Christmassy Advent Calendar in the history of Advent Calendars. Now don't get me wrong, the items he is pulling out are cool. But I don't know, call me a purist, but does a little Lego burglar seem appropriate? We've gotten firemen, policemen, little fires, hoses, axes, equipment, and a burglar. I'm used to Santa's workshop stuff, but I guess they've done those in the past. At least these will be usable all year round. They just seem iffy as part of an Advent Calendar. Is it me?

I am officially in a foul mood. Why, you ask? Well, not for any valid reason. My home and family are fine. The doginator only pooped in the house once this week and someone else cleaned it up. No, I'm upset because according to a story in the Sentinel today, Smokey Bones isn't coming to Leominster. TGI Fridays is instead.

I'm very very very very sad right now. Why are we being deprived!? Don't you think the people of Leominster deserve some good pulled pork and those little donuts you sell for dessert?

Bastiges.

I really really want one of these recycled book journals. If only I could decide which one!

Man, I had to turn off commenting today. I was getting HAMMERED by spammers. I think I got 10 spam comments in a row in a 5 minute span, and I didn't see an end in sight so I just shut off comments. I have shut off comments in prior months, I may leave them open in November and October. We'll see.

Why do I feel like this month is going by WAY too fast? I have so many things on my to do list that I need a to do list for updating the to do list. Unfortunately some of them have to be done NOW if I want them for Christmas. Better get going, huh? Maybe if I fuel myself with some chicken lo mein and miniature Charleston Chews...

We did head out for more shopping this morning. I was very happy with Junior because he really was focussed on getting stuff for people other than himself. He has a very hard time with that normally, and it's tiring to go shopping with him because he wants everything in site. Today we bought something for my niece and for my friend's daughters and I know he wanted one, but he was very good when only two boxes went into the cart. We also finished up my step-son...Mr. Dump and I got his big gift last night, and Junior got him a present.

I don't think there were as many people out as I would have expected. Did everyone finish already, or is everyone buying online? I think we're at about 60% online this year. And you?

What, you think I'm going to post that here? What if Junior suddenly starts reading the Dump? Well that wouldn't fly, now would it?

Oh, and I was going to tell you about a present I bought for myself (but will give to Mr. Dump to wrap and say it's from him, or Junior, or the doginator) but I just realized that I bought two of these items, one for my step-daughter who DOES read the Dump so I'll be darned if I'm going to blow the surprise. Sheesh. That was a close one.

Looking at the budget, we can probably do a little more shopping this weekend, maybe I can get my niece and nephew and my friend's two daughters out of the way, so I can focus on Junior and the step-kids when we get the rest of our shopping $$ on the 16th. I hate having to wait that late in the month for Junior because he always wants the trendy stuff that they run out of. He's 80% done now, though, so even if something happened and we couldn't spend another dime on Christmas, Santa would have a nice selection of items from his list. And some things he didn't ask for but will like anyway, darn it!

(Can I be frank? I can't wait until he learns where the Santa gifts come from, because it will be nice to be able to streamline his list and tell him that no, Santa isn't going to bring him a jet car (a real one, not a toy) or an XBOX 360 because I'm not shelling out $400 for a game console. He's kind of asked about it a little bit over the past year, but I haven't heard a peep now that it's close and he's got his list all written out. He turns 8 in a month (ACK!) and I think he's really edging close to figuring it out.)