The Big DumpTruck

I apologize for the missing blog posts. I was, uh....passed out from being closed up in a room with too much writing on the white boards. Which is not entirely untrue. I was closed up in a room, and there was too much writing, but most of it was on those ginormous Post-It Flip Charts.

Note to the white board marker people: There is no need to add scent to these things. The black marker doesn't smell like chocolate mint. Please just stop it.

So the other day I thought of a "truth" that I figured nobody would buy. Those are the good ones, aren't they? The problem is coming up with the other truth and the lie, enough to make them all sound plausible. Ready? Here we go.

1. I own four pair of green pants.
2. The song listed as having the most plays on my iPod is "Banjo Boy".
3. My boss's boss squeezed my "squishy stress dog" so hard it exploded on him, covering him with pink liquid.

Labels: fun, lies

It's hard to live an exciting life. First people want you to pose on a box of Kraft Mac and Cheese, then they expect you to attend ribbon cutting and key to the city ceremonies. It's all so much work. I live a modest life. I get up in the morning, and Mike Lowell brings me bacon and eggs in bed (over medium, bacon extra crispy but not burnt). After I eat he dabs at my lips with a linen napkin and tells me he's going to go get 4 hits for me in the game and I tell him "you do that, babycakes."

After that, I take a shower and brush my teeth like every other good American. I have to take a phone call from the President because he needs to know what color underwear to use that day. "Today is Tuesday, so look for the blue ones with 'Tuesday' written on the band." So now you know...if it wasn't for me, the POTUS would wear the same undies every day of the week.

To keep myself grounded, I updated the Still Life with Interview page on the site for the first time in about a year and a half. But you guys are totally worth it. Just click on the tab up there on the top left. I know, it's an iffy one, but I'm easing into these high-level updates, you know?

Labels: fun, lies, Mike Lowell, Red_Sox

So I was asked to leave a NorthEast Airlines flight yesterday because my outfit was too revealing. I know that normally I do wear pants, but it was pretty hot yesterday, and plus, I got tar all over them after I finished my shift on the road crew repaving Harvard Street.

I didn't think anyone would mind because I had pulled my shirt down, but the flight attendant, the pilot, two passengers and the guy who wears headphones and holds those red sticks to tell the plan when to stop all asked me to leave the plane and put on something more decent. They did offer to give me a stapler and a pile of luggage tags to see if I could fashion something myself without having to leave the gate area, but I ran out of staples and the little strings on the tags were tickling me.

So I missed my flight, which was going to the Arctic Circle. I'm really bummed, because I was going to try to take some photos. I haven't really added much to my flickr album lately.

Labels: fun, lies, travel

Let's see. Probably time to do that post where I try to make my life more exciting. I should post about something that could never ever ever happen in real life, certainly not to anybody I know.

So this morning my dog discovered a naked bank robber passed out by my pool.

What do you think, too unbelievable?

Labels: fun, lies