The Big DumpTruck

I have beaten my phone to death. The keyboard is hanging by a thread (or literally, by a thread of gummy glue). There are scratches on the face of it that make it hard to read text at time. It has dents and dings I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy's car.

But I've been holding out, because I kept thinking
a) I can't afford to replace my phone right now, and
b) maybe the next generation SideKick is coming out soon?

So the next generation SideKick was released this week. Mr. Dump and I figured out that I would get my next thousand hour bonus (a week's paycheck) by the time the bill for a new phone came in. So I ordered an upgrade to the SideKick 3. This morning, I couldn't swivel the phone shut. Possibly in protest, I think.

My order is in, but response has been so overwhelming that UPS can't keep caught up on tracking the damned things for them right now. (On the support boards one person said her phone arrived, was in her hand, but the UPS sight still said it couldn't track her package.) In the T-Mobile system my order is listed as "pending" which may mean that it went out yesterday. It may mean that it didn't yet. They couldn't actually tell me.

You'll be the first ones to hear about it when it arrives, though. And we'll have to have a suitable ceremony to lay the old one to rest. I may just keep the falling-out of the phone keyboard just to hang up in my cubicle.

I had a dream that I hooked up with Mark Harmon last night. Excellent dream. He was the 20 years younger version (the current version ain't bad either) and I guess I was having a good biorhythm day. Or something.

I hope to have a similar dream tonight, with some other ex-People Magazine's Sexiest Man Alive person. (In my dream, that's how I justified the rendezvous with whoever was with me. Go me!)

The rest of the dream was just bizarre (like that wasn't) and involved lost luggage and/or shoes and/or a bicycle at a hotel. I am definitely pro-more Mark Harmon and less lost bicycles. In case Adam is trying to come up with his next poll over at Universal Hub (link is on the right, I'm using my phone to type this).

A friend of mine (via the TopFive contributors mailing list) gave us the following words of wisdom this morning. To put it into context, as with any mailing list, there are always heated discussions. Yesterday and today the hot button topic turned out to be based on something I posted. Asked what, if anything, you would change in professional sports today, I responded that I would put in some kind of ability to use instant replay in baseball, for those extremely questionable calls (was he or wasn't he tagged out, or did the ball hit the lip of the Green Monster and bounce out and then back in?) In a controlled manner, like football, where you only get to ask for so many reviews.

One person was vehemently against instant replay, stating that mistakes are just part of the game and it makes it interesting. There was a response that to make it interesting we should just pull people with no skills off the streets to officiate. Vobo suggested using hobos. He later added the following:

"I once found a hobo softball player figure - with a ripped shirt and a can of beer in his ungloved hand - that was the same size and had the same color base as the wise men in my mom's manger scene. Every manger should have a drunken softball hobo. Especially since Godzillas, army men and rubber cockroaches are immediately distinguishable. Same with the Santa climbing down the manger's ersatz chimney, but I think that's a nice touch."

Next Christmas I am SO sneaking people into my mom's manger scene.

Oh man, I wish that line worked. Does anyone like getting up on a dreary day? I guess it would be worse if it was still dark out. Why yes, I did depress myself this morning by remembering that we're now on the downward slope of morning light. Sure, it won't be noticeable until another month or so, but we hit the longest day. Now it's only a matter of time (okay, months) before it's all dark again. Sheesh, I hate that. Why can't the summer solstice happen at the end of July or something? Why so early?

(Gee, I sound cranky, don't I? I'm going to write it off to PMS.)

A present for you...

Http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/aw.php

I only wish I had been the one who created it. (Safe for work unless you work for a soda company, I guess.)

Okay, we made another attempt to do the "Day After the Last Day of School" trip to Crane's Beach. The last time I went was in 2004, and it was 58 degrees at the beach. It was very unpleasant. Here is what I looked like back them:



Today it was 80-ish at the beach, but the water was 55 degrees, so it was REALLY FOGGY. To the point where we just had to laugh at how we couldn't see anything. Got a shot to share with you:

I apologize for my scarcity. I'm making a career detour this month and have been up to my eyeballs finishing my the stuff I'm working on before my last day, the 30th. I will be with the same company, in a different role. I'm VERY excited about this change, even though I'm sad to be leaving behind some very cool coworkers. But you gotta do what you gotta do, right?

Today is Junior's last day of 2nd grade. I tried to sort of hold him in a pose that would prevent him from growing any more, but it wasn't working. Then I pulled out a tape measure and showed him what 21 inches looks like. "That is how you started. Can you see why I think you're getting too big?" I think he was amused to see how little he was. Of course, at the time we thought Mr. 8 pounds 12 ounces and 21 inches was huge. How naive we were back then.

Time to take more video of the boy so that when he's another foot taller I can just sit in a dark room and look back fondly on these days when he was "little."

I have to defend Fluff. Some moron at the State House has taken it upon himself to start a personal crusade against God's favorite food, Marshmallow Fluff.

I buy it, and not for Junior. He doesn't really eat peanut butter.

I buy it for me.

The part I need to set straight is the "sugar and chemicals" summary statements. Sugar, sure, but no chemicals. Here are the ingredients:
Corn syrup
Sugar
Dried egg white
Vanillin.

That's it. No fat, no sodium. 15g of carbs, 9g of sugars.

So lets look at grape jelly. I have some Smuckers. Grape juice, high fructose corn syrup, corn syrup, pectin, citric acid and sodium citrate. That gives us no fat, 5mg of sodium, 13g of carbs, 12g of sugars.

So when will they be banning jelly? Side by side, Fluff is "better" for you.

stupid humans, have you nothing better to do? I have an idea - take the money you would spend trying to get this passed and add it back to the school lunch budgets. I can't even feed my family a healthy meal on the pittance the cafeteria managers have to work with. That's the REAL problem.

Okay, so I saw this bumper sticker on a truck this morning. I can't fathom a guy voluntarily putting it on. Maybe the wife snuck out in the middle of the night and did it when he was sleeping. Or else it's his punishment for some really horrible thing he did.

I don't think I'd make Mr. Dump put one of those on his car. Not that he would. Maybe I should ask him.

[As a side note, it might have been a woman driving the truck. Which made me jump to the conclusion that it was a lesbian couple (and that would make perfect sense because it would be a political statement AND the type of thing a woman would be more likely to be willing to put on a car.) Of course, it could have been the guy's wife borrowing his truck. So many questions.]

Wait, is it "Do Your Ears Hang Low" or "Turkey in the Straw?" Or are those both the same tune?

Either way, I'm very thrilled to report the highlight of my whole week happened today. Nothing better can possibly happen. I had an ice cream truck in my driveway! (Crappy cell phone picture ahead - but I'm kind of impressed with the colors in this crappy picture.)

I accidentally purchased the wrong thing at the store last week. I meant to buy little cups of peaches for Junior to take in his lunch, but what I grabbed was the little mandarin orange cups. Same color, wrong fruit.

I took one to work with me today to see what they are like. And now I will pass the savings on to you.

They aren't "oh kill me now" bad, but there is something seriously wrong with buying these. For one thing, they're packed in the same "syrup" as peaches. So you've got your strong, sweet [peachy] juice. I drank that right out of the cup because I didn't want to walk all the way to the cafeteria to get a spoon, so I have to pick out the oranges with my fingers.

Somehow, picking one of them up makes me feel like I'm on Fear Factor eating sea slugs or something. They are a really floppy consistency, and kind of soft. I do think eating bugs would feel a lot like this. Also, they don't really taste like oranges. I assume floating in peach syrup will do that to you. So in conclusion, why the hell wouldn't you just buy a few actual mandarin oranges? This is NOT the way to go, on any planet.

Mmm. Sea slugs.

Okay, so it's only a partial meat review, because I only tried one thing so far, but I have my review of the new butcher shop on Central Street.

Sausages - B+
These are actually very good, but I can only give them a B+ because even though I bought sweet sausage I found that my mouth was burning a bit. I can't even imagine what the hot sausage is like. Mr. Dump approved of them because they weren't full of fennel, which he personally doesn't like. Junior ate a couple of bites too, so that's a plus. Anything he eats more than one bite of has to be good.

Marinated Steak Tips - Not Graded yet
I picked up a pound of the marinated steak tips to try out. I should have bought more than a pound because I can imagine my family will be fighting over them, but at $8.99 a pound I really couldn't afford to get more than that. I look at it this way...if they are good, we can go back and get more (they are open Saturday and Sunday, 9-6 and 9-5). If they aren't good, well, I'm only out 8.99.

Junior wanted me to buy a steak (who is this kid?) but I told him we had enough for two days (more, because I bought extra sausage to freeze) and I didn't want to buy an expensive steak and have it sit in the fridge. It looked damned good, though.

And the cool thing was how the butcher seemed to know everyone by name. Junior was disappointed he didn't know us, but as I pointed out, we'd never been in before. So thanks to the South Leominster folks who pointed out this new shop. Oh, and I look forward to seeing what Athens Pizza puts on the menu of their new location in Johnny Appleseed Plaza. It's Mr. Dump's favorite pizza (the one in North Leominster), but he is concerned that the brother (owner) who makes the best pizza is going to be sent to work over there, leaving the other brother in "our" location. That will definitely be bad because we're take-out people and that is too far to drive.

Should I really blame myself? I mean, I understand that I don't spend as much time driving around town as I should, and I don't subscribe to the local paper, but shouldn't there be a better way to let people know that a big town celebration is coming up? Signs or something?

I do read the only version of the local paper, but usually only the news section. You know when I'll read about this in the news section? After it's over. That's when I always read about things there. The few times I read the events section they list things that are already over. I'm not a fan of the paper.

Sometimes we learn about things from flyers coming home from school with Junior, which I appreciate. That's how we hear about Sholan Farm activities.

But if the whole point is to get maximum attendance, why not put some effort into letting people know it's happening?

So we found out about this because we heard the fireworks. So we missed out and they missed out on selling me stuff. All because I don't subscribe to the paper, their online version doesn't even bother letting folks know on the main page, and I don't happen to drive through downtown, where I'm sure there is a sign. All my fault.

Okay, so the label on my Diet Pepsi says "1 in 3 gets a ringtone" but darn it, I've entered 6 codes now and not only have I not gotten 2 ringtones, I haven't even gotten one. Now don't go on and on with all your math and probability and statistics. I don't care. It says 1 in 3 and I have actually been told I'm 1 in a Million, so how many ringtones does THAT get me? On the other hand, my phone (the T-Mobile Sidekick) can't use your nasty old ringtones anyway, so get them away from me. I am, of course, hoping I win the Motorola phone because then I could use the nasty old ringtones. So here I sit, ringtoneless, and now I don't even have any Diet Pepsi left. What a stinker.

I don't think I mentioned it here, but we took Phantom for a haircut, and apparently the woman who took our call couldn't hear Mr. Dump very well.

Him: Phantom.
Her: Manta?
Him: No, Phantom.
Her: Oh, I thought you said Manta! Ha ha ha.

When I got there they couldn't find his appointment in the book....because it was under "Santa." Ooookay. So you know what that means? That means we're going to start calling him Santa. Because we do that. It starts as a joke and gets all out of control.

The last time we got him groomed (at a different place) we told the girl his name and she asked if we ever call him "Fanny". Mr. Dump and I exchanged looks. "Uh, no. He's a boy."

But guess what I call him now? Because of course I started to do it to mock the dog groomer. Worse, it's evolved to "Fanny Banana". Please, if I ever complain that the dog doesn't listen to me, point out that I'm an idiot.

Jody
mom to Santa Fanny Banana who wasn't feeling well at ALL today because he got three shots on Monday but now he's at least a little better, according to Grandma who is watching him today. Heh.

Okay, I don't really want to know. It's just polite to ask people about their likes and dislikes instead of just blathering on about yourself all the time. You get the reputation of being self-centered and you never get asked on a 2nd date. Not that this is a problem, although it has literally been years since I've been on a date. I wonder if it's because I talk about myself. Damn. I feel so conceited.

Okay, so what's currently on "Pinky," my iPod you ask? Well, since you asked, I'll tell you. Lots of stuff. Okay, I'll be more specific.

I have been downloading random songs this week, not whole CDs. Here are the top new downloads.

• 3 Songs by Lindsey Buckingham from the Go Insane CD. (I owned the album, and it's around here somewhere. Now Junior is completely hooked on the song "Go Insane." Ahh, I love having a kid.)
• a couple of songs by Sweet. I grabbed Love is Like Oxygen, Fox on the Run, Little Willy and Ballroom Blitz.
• Boogie Nights by Heatwave. I love that song.
• the PG version of Code Monkey by Jonathan Coulton. I asked if I could have a version with the G-d da--ed removed so Junior could listen to it, and he was happy to throw one up on his site. Go download and hit his tip jar. Thank you.
• Hide and Seek by Imogen Heap. Holy cow I think this is one of the coolest songs ever. Can't stop listening to it.

So there you go. Oh, and in case you were wondering, I checked the other day and the single song I have played the most often is, interestingly, a song that was the free song of the week (or the discovery song of the week) at iTunes a few months ago. "Banjo Boy." I totally did not expect that to be the most-played song on Pinky. But there you go.

Dear Juice Guys
You are great
You make juice
That something-something, uh, ate

I like Orange Mango best
I'd even drink it in a suit
but dudes, I just now noticed
orange mango contains passionfruit.


(Now I know you're looking forward to the bigbadwords site. Patience my friends. Or patients, as I almost just spelled it.)

So not a single one of you wanted to even mention to me that my archives were messed up? That I hadn't added months to the list since February, and February's archive link was broken? None of you? I was trying to google search the site for something I *know* I wrote for the post I was writing, and wasn't getting any 2006 hits. Well that would be because I didn't have any links to my archives. Geez. It's like I'm out here, naked, for all the world to see, but the world is busy watching American Idol or something.

I found a great source of, um, art. Singular Films features el cheapo copies of those old school films they showed us about manners, the Red Menace, and menstruation. The last two don't refer to the same thing, by the way.

So they also sell posters. Dude. I would SO buy this...

Great googly moogly, that is one horrific smell. Half the building (the half closest to the cafeteria) smells like suntan lotion. That's because today's flavored coffee is...drumroll...coconut. Can I get a "yuck" from the back of the room?

I don't care how hot it is outside, a cup of hot coffee is never going to make me think of tropical breezes. Even if it smells like something that grows in Hawaii.

Of all the coffee flavors they make here at work, this one is by far the stinkiest - you can smell it a mile away. And I thought nothing would beat blueberry (which at least smell like pie, and not something you buy at CVS). How wrong I was!

I can't imagine what I'd do if I had to sit next to someone who had a cup of this stuff at their desk. I have headphones and an iPod for noise, but I neglected to purchase a gas mask or nose plugs.