The Big DumpTruck

Jan 2010 Full Moon

2010-01-30T21:52:00.005-05:00

I couldn't resist trying to get a shot of the full moon tonight. Click it to look at larger versions.

Weight Loss Plans I Just Invented

2010-01-23T20:01:00.003-05:00

Okay, I could sell these diet plans and make a bunch of those little piles of cash that you see in cartoons, you know the little bundles that thieves are always pulling out of wall safes? Okay, those.

Now these weight loss plans have not been verified as safe or effective by anyone, including me, doctors, or the lady who has to re-fold the shirts after I pull some out and hold them up to see if they have long sleeves or not.

Plan 1: Laptop Fat Melt
I'm pretty sure that I'm rendering the fat off my legs with this laptop. Even through the laptop lap pads I'm using (YES! TWO OF THEM AT ONCE!) it's still pretty damned warm. I like to think of this as George Foreman Grilling myself. Of course, this should only remove fat from your thighs and not from any of the rest of you so be prepared to have people stare at your new Popeye-like calves.

Plan 2: The Airplane Diet
This plan is only as expensive as the destinations you choose. So you start at an airport near your home and find a flight that will cover at least one meal, preferably two. Then you fly and only eat the food they serve on the plane. Except that food is so gross that nobody wants to eat it. Voila, weight loss. The key would be to just keep picking up new flights in each place you land so that you never eat any meals that aren't served on a plane. You could very well die of starvation, so please use this plan under the supervision of a qualified travel agent.

Plan 3: Pica has a Purpose
For you gals who've been pregnant, remember when they warned you about pica? Ya, I guess pregnancy triggers pica in a lot of people. Also kids between the ages of 1 and 6 tend to get pica, and you know most of THEM are pretty thin! So according to Google health people with pica (or on the Jody Pica Diet) may eat

Animal feces
Clay
Dirt
Hairballs
Ice
Paint
Sand

I'm going out on a limb and recommending you stay away from any kind of feces. Look, we want to lose weight, not get thrown in a mental hospital.

I know they tell you to consult with a doctor before starting any kind of diet. I'd like to point out that if you consult with a doctor before beginning any of these diets, I'd rather not have my name mentioned. Ever. I've never seen you before in my life. Get out of here, you knuckleheads.

Jody vs. the Target Shelving Unit

2010-01-12T14:22:00.002-05:00

I am not a handy person. We should get that out of the way early. It would be a lie to present myself as the kind of person that Home Depot would ask to write a "How To" guide. More likely, I would write the kind of guide that they were selling at Lowe's that will apparently cause you to do something that could burn your house down.

But one of my hypothyroidism side effects is the whole clutter thing, and my addiction to buying storage materials that don't always solve the problems they were intended to solve. My most recent purchase was not storage bins, interestingly. It was actually a small metal shelving unit thingy that I bought to put in the hall closet so that I can store some of my "I have no place to put this" pots and pans.

This shelf looked to be a good size to just tuck into the closet, and the box said "No tools required!". I have some tools, but any time I don't have to use them, I'm happy.
Today, while the oil company guy was doing my annual burner cleaning [no cavities!] I decided to put the shelves together. After all, the box had been sitting in the kitchen for a few days now. All the parts appeared to be included. More than enough, in fact. There were 3 extra snap-one-y things, and there were 8 little caps that served no known purpose (they weren't listed on the parts list, nor did they logically have any place in the assembled shelving.) Speaking of the parts list, the drawings for parts C and D were indistinguishable. So that was helpful. Imagine two 2 inch lines. That's basically what they showed me. Lastly, there were 4 parts missing, I believe because between the instructions being printed and the materials being packed up, they decided to go with a different model for C and D and there was no longer a need for a separate part to connect them. They had built-in connectors.

Okay, so I figured out all the parts and pieces. I started to read the directions, which clearly said "2 people required for stable assembly". You know, there are a lot of different ways to interpret stable assembly. I'm pretty stable. Would doing this alone make me unstable?

The directions also highly recommended I use a rubber mallet to complete the last steps of assembly. Okay, show of hands: who here thinks a rubber mallet is actually a tool and therefore the "no tools needed" claim on the outside of the box is pure crap? Ya, that's what I thought.
It was getting to be time for me to go to work, because the oil burner guy was done. My shelving was pretty much the most unstable thing I've ever built at this point. I didn't have time to get a rubber mallet before leaving, so I'm just hoping the dog doesn't try to climb on the thing while I'm gone.

If you want to try to simulate the stability of my shelving, get 4 sharpened pencils and a piece of paper. Jam one pencil into each corner of the paper. Stand this up on your table. Voila. You have a paper shelving unit from Target, with no tools required!

How Could I Resist?

2010-01-01T21:25:00.003-05:00

I have owned the bigdumptruck.com domain for 13+ years now. I use BigDumptruck as my user name on a lot of sites (including twitter and flickr). I also collect Department 56 Christmas buildings (I started with the Dickens Village, supplemented with a couple of New England Village houses but for the past 4 years or so I've become obsessed with the North Pole Series - the fun Santa's Village buildings.

Last year I spotted a must-have: Dumpy's Toy Trucks. It's a dumptruck, tilted back! See the wheels and the cab and the hood?! It's awesome, and was my choice for the house I could buy this year. I don't think they'll come out with one any time soon that I like as much (or is as appropriate for me).

dumpys_trucks.jpg, originally uploaded by Big DumpTruck.

I, For One, Welcome Our New Decade

2009-12-31T17:05:00.002-05:00

Yes, 2009 sucked. A lot of people had very bad 2009s. I'm not here to talk about that, but I've had better. 2008 was pretty bad, but 2009... yuck with a rotten cherry on top.

I'm not sure how I feel going into 2010, other than that it feels like it's too soon to be 2010. Where did 2004 go? Huh? Did we skip some days in 2006? I think maybe we did, because I swear, I was paying attention.

Anyhoo, I hope that like me, you stocked up on Bitch Bubbly and raw cookie dough. Settle in kids, we have us a new decade to welcome.

Merry December 28th!

2009-12-28T20:50:00.003-05:00

Sorry I forgot to wish you a Merry Christmas. It isn't that I didn't want to wish you a merry Christmas, it's just that I did not get around to sending you that message. So instead, I'm going to say "Merry Monday Night, you should have some pizza." I think that covers all of the important things I want for you. And while you are eating your pizza you should order yourself a t-shirt off the internet, and pay for it yourself, and write "from Jody" if there is a spot to send a message. Because I only wish the best for you.

Jody Movie for You

2009-12-20T17:15:00.001-05:00

Here's a little something I created yesterday. I'll post the other one in a day or two. You know, spreading out the love.

My Xmas Music Recommendation for 2009

2009-12-14T13:52:00.005-05:00

I used to have a reputation of being a collector of Christmas Music. I think it was a lot easy to be such a thing when you had to buy entire albums, cassettes or CDs of Christmas music. It's much too easy now to just buy one or two songs today.

I did buy an entire CD via MP3 Purchase on Amazon last week, and that is going to be my 2009 recommendation for you. If Trans-Siberian Orchestra toned it down about 2 notches and didn't have any vocal tracks, you'd get the Arctic Express CD "A Christmas Rock Experience."

Some of the reviewers called it the love child of Trans-Siberian Orchestra and Mannheim Steamroller but I don't want to turn people off because they dislike one or the other. It really is just rock and roll Christmas music. Listen to the samples, and if you're like me, you'll just pony up the $6 to download the CD. PLEASE NOTE: There are apparently two versions of this CD up on both Amazon and iTunes. On both sites, one is about half the price of the other. I have no idea why this is, other than that the album has a slightly different name and track ORDER, but the same tracks. I have linked to the cheaper version on Amazon. My gift to you. Disclosure: If you do buy it from Amazon and you use the link above, I think I get a dime or two. If you use the link above and buy other things, I get a few more dimes. I like dimes.

Getting Ready for the Holidays

2009-12-04T12:38:00.001-05:00

Dear Santa,

I have been a good girl this year. I have put up with a lot of doo-doo and doo-doo heads and still get up in the morning and face the day. I haven't let the crushing weight of reality grind me into the dirt. I maintain a gorgeous facade of "normal" like nobody's business.

So, then, here are the things I think I deserve. I know you normally just accept letters from kids, but I figured you might have room for one or two things for me, as you will be handing out a stack of IOUs for those Zhu-Zhu Pets hamsters, seeing as they are out of stock all over the place. (I have 3 real gerbils so I'm good on that front. Although the dog might like a fake hamster it would probably destroy it in 5 minutes.)

This year (well, next year) I have some personal goals I'm setting, and I may need a little help with that. I think my big present from you could be some kind of exercise equipment. I don't have any in the house, but I do have one of those body composition scales and I swear to God, it told me that aside from my bones I am completely made of butter. It was scary. And then I ate a donut.

So I need something easy to use and maybe something that will go and lift me off the couch and carry me to it and do half the work for me. Do you have something like that? I think if you don't have that, an elliptical trainer would be a good second choice. I bought some really cute workout pants so all I need is a reason to wear them.

Maybe that's a little heavy for your bag, even with all the empty space where the toy hamsters should have gone. Camera equipment (lenses, flash, etc.) don't take up nearly as much room. Or a gift card to Amazon to buy lenses, flashes, etc. are a good bet. Or jewelry. Jewelry is small, right? You wouldn't even have to put it in your bag, you could keep it in your pocket.

I'm really all about whatever makes this easiest for you, Santa. (See, that ought to take me off the naughty list for a long, long time!)

Love,

Jody

p.s. I won't leave a fire burning this year. Again, I want to make this easy for you.

You Are My Sunshine

2009-11-25T22:33:00.002-05:00

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! I hope the Stuffing Fairy gives you the big smackdown this year, you all deserve it, each and every one of you. Yes, even you, lady who was driving 30 in a 40 this morning and causing me irreparable stress damage. Oh, I certainly do think it's great that you didn't have to go to work today! You're so lucky! I know, taking your car for a stroll is a GRAND thing to do at 7:30 in the morning. Don't mind me, I'll just have my front bumper jammed up your tail pipe.

Anyway, my foot fell asleep, and now the rest of me is all jealous. I'm going to go tuck myself in. You stay beautiful, you hear?

Festival of Lights

2009-11-20T17:06:00.006-05:00

I am sad to announce that I will not be able to decorate my house to the level that I would like to this holiday season. I would like to cover the house with so many lights that you can see it from space. Sure, the neighbors might not like it, but really, who can stay angry at twinkly lights? Nobody, that's who!

I don't own enough lights to accomplish my dream, nor do I have the manpower available to me to do it. I guess it will have to wait until after I become rich and famous. And have a lot more energy to do stuff like this.

I also pulled out the two shrubs that I normally put lights on every year. That seemed like a good idea until I realized I can't put lights out on these shrubs any more because they aren't there any more. Huh.

So last year, during the January "everything 75% off" sale at Target I bought a little fiber optic tree. Last week I tracked it down so we could see how tall it was. Not tall enough to use as our only tree, not by a long shot. But of course, now that it's set up, I think I'll leave it, just so I have a little something to make me happy. And here it is:

NaNoWriMo 2009

2009-11-07T12:28:00.003-05:00

7000 words in, I finally have a plot. Or at least a purpose. And characters. The full plot will probably not reveal itself until the end of the month, meaning I'll have a lot more work to do to get it into a finished state. Which, based on history, I will never do. I'm writing about my kid, his friend, and his cousins. It is fiction, I swear. My niece does not own a store that only sells cups and saucers. She's 9 - owning a store like that is years in her future.

I don't know why I keep doing NaNoWriMo, but I'm at the point where I almost have to do it, or I'll feel bad about it. So I give up a few hours of my November, no big deal, right?

So while I'm working on this, please send snacks.

Building 19 Used Car Salesmen Supplies

2009-10-26T13:28:00.004-04:00

On the off chance that you are looking for the "perfect" super ugly jacket to complete that zombie used car salesman costume you've been working on, Building 19 has a rack of some of the ugliest jackets I've seen in 30 years. Attached is a photo of my son modeling the "blue and peach striped 100% polyester" special. There is some major ugly on this rack (and the sign actually says "ugly jackets" for Halloween). Five bucks each, no questions asked. (We bought two. The red and black polyester hounds tooth makes my eyes water.)

Full disclosure: We went in there to look for a suit for my son's magician costume. He wanted a tux, I said I wasn't buying him one. On the "real" suit rack, right at the end, would you believe they had a "former rental" tux jacket with satin lapels for $20, and behind that a table with tux shirts (!) for $5? And the thing fits him like he was fitted for it. This place is better than the Salvation Army!

Zombie Party!

2009-10-24T20:32:00.002-04:00

I really wish I had written a zombie novel. If I had, you would all want to read it because it's the week before Halloween and that's gotta be the busiest week for zombie novel reading, right? Maybe if I get started on it right now I would have it finished so that you could all read it. I would make a kindle edition for you, because I know that you are some kind of crazy technology addict. And for the people I don't like, I will just mimeograph a copy for you, but not give it to you until after they don't smell good any more.

That will teach you.

Shot Time

2009-10-21T22:28:00.002-04:00

I get a flu shot tomorrow, but not the piggy or the swan flu shot. This is just regular old, "nobody cares about me because I don't have a cool name and make the papers" flu shot. I am just hoping to get through the day and maybe not have any side effects from the flu shot. Like, say, the flu.

I was in a room today with a woman who sounded like she had gargled with Cup 'O Virus. Thanks SO MUCH for being such a dedicated employee, and for entering the little piece of heaven that was the windowless and airless computer lab I was housed in. We all appreciated those noises you were making with your sinuses and your throat.

So if I DO get sick, I'm going to assume it was because of her, and not because of the flu shot. Unless it would get me more time off to say it was from the shot, in which case it most certainly was.

Weathergirl Jody

2009-10-15T20:53:00.000-04:00

When I left work today, I looked up at the sky and the sun was hidden behind a kind of misty fog. Normally that means "snow is coming" but I said to myself "well, that's not possible so I guess I'm not as good a weathergirl as I thought." But then I just read that it's snowing in CT and headed this way. So suck on that, Accuweather! I predicted it without fancy computer equipment!

Wait.

Snow. In October.

Why am I happy about this?

Family Friendly Comedy Contains Suckage

2009-10-11T18:10:00.004-04:00

I have Sirius radio in my car. It came 'free' with the new car (unless you think spending tens of thousands of dollars on the car should be considered part of the price of satellite radio) and I adore it. I really love just a handful of stations, but I love them so deeply that I'll probably consider paying real cash money to keep the service when my six months are up.

As I've mentioned before, I'm a huge Opie and Anthony fan. I used to listed to Howard when he was free and on WBCN. We're talking ages ago, around the time his movie came out. I've been listening to O&A since they took over Howard's slot on BCN. However, I like them so much more that I actually bought and paid for the little Sirius app for my iPhone to listen to them. So that's what I listen to on my commute these days, but that station goes OFF whenever the kid is in the car.

We were listening to on of my other stations when a commercial came on for "family-friendly" comedy on channel 105. Okay, that's cool, we love comedy! But oh my word, most of it is just painful and unfunny. And I've now heard the same long boring monologue about glass being liquid twice in the same week. I thought I was listening to NPR. It was painful. I wanted to drive into a tree to make it stop.

They have lots of southern comics, and Christian comics, and olde tyme comedy bits. One of the great pleasures of this station turns out to be Mitch Hedberg and Stephen Wright - God bless them for having clean material. Of course, all this does it make me angry that Mitch is dead and I won't be able to hear any more of his absolutely brilliant work.

But anyway, back to the family-friendly Laugh USA channel. We heard two monologues today on the way home from lunch. Finally, Junior turns to us and says "Can't we listen to the channel with the swears so that we'll hear something funny?" Amen, little man. Another couple of years and I won't even hesitate. But why is it to hard for this channel to find funny material that can be played in the car with a 6th grader?

AHT FOR SALE!

2009-10-10T14:16:00.002-04:00

I'm starting to post more photos to my photography website, Photo-Gnome.net. All photos on that site are actually for sale! You can order prints of anything on the site. If I see that I'm selling anything, maybe I'll pay for the upgrade at SmugMug so that I can actually make money off each sale.

This is a picture I took on the way to work this week. I've been driving up to Merrimack NH every day, and I take back roads through Lunenburg MA. I spotted this barn on Monday and knew I had to take my camera with me.

It's Cozy Fire in the Fireplace Season Again

2009-10-05T09:07:00.001-04:00

I am sad that summer is over. I say this every year, so you don't need to hear me go into my perpetual whine about missing out on summer fun, going to the beach, etc. If I could afford it, I'd go to the beach this weekend. Screw the weather, I just want a room with a view of the ocean. And preferably something with some heat, because that's pretty much unavailable from nature any more.

I'm glad autumn sort of eases in, because if it just dropped from perfect beach day to perfect apple picking day, I would spiral into an out of control case of the dumps. I'd be down in them. But the way it works out, but the time the trees are all turning, I'm excited about it, and I get to have my camera handy to try to take The Most Famous Photo Ever (tm). I have yet to do it, but man, this year is certainly going to be my year. I just know it.

Happy Birthday to My Sister

2009-10-02T19:03:00.000-04:00

It's my sister's birthday on Saturday the 3rd. I am posting this early to give you all time to go out and buy her a card and/or a present. I just remembered that I bought a card for her a couple of years ago that I never gave her, so it's time to find it and dust it off. I think the last time I saw it, it was in junk drawer #2, aka the drawer where we keep the restaurant menus, scissors and tape. Not to be confused with the drawer with the playing cards, screwdrivers and rubber bands.

Everyone has two junk drawers, right?

Anyway, Happy Birthday, to my lovely sister, who is younger than me but I will deny it until we are old and decrepit. Which may be soon.

I Need Someone to Worship Me

2009-10-01T19:32:00.002-04:00

You know, I suddenly realized it's been a while since I've had people worship me. These days, I can't even summon a warm feeling, never mind true worship. How am I supposed to stay happy and upbeat when forced to live a normal person life? I just don't know how it's possible!

And that's why I don't like Thursdays.

Morning Fog on Route 190

2009-09-29T21:44:00.001-04:00

Morning Fog on Route 190, originally uploaded by Big DumpTruck.

Some mornings, the commute is much better than others. And on those mornings, it's made great by having my camera handy.

Ode to My Piggy Toe

2009-09-24T20:34:00.002-04:00

You say "wee wee wee" all the way home, and how do I thank you? I jam you into shoes that kind of crush you a little big so that you hurt all morning but then eventually don't hurt any more, which is awesome of you. Those really are nice shoes, I mean, it's all worth it when you see how cute they are, even on my mongo feet. People will see you jammed into these hot little sandals and think "hey, she has got it going ON! I'll bet she didn't even buy those on sale!" but they would be wrong.

So thank you, little piggy toe. I'm sorry about that. Tomorrow I'll treat you to some flip flops.

Sucky Movies and A New Website

2009-09-12T20:22:00.003-04:00

My son picked out a movie at Movie stop. I knew I wasn't going to like it because I've tried to watch it before, but really, there are two reasons this should be a good movie. 1: Mel Brooks can be funny. 2: Parodies amuse me.

However, the movie in question is Spaceballs and it's pretty much unwatchable. I say pretty much because every once in a while there is a line that in a funny movie would be fabulous. Like the line "What's the matter Colonel Sandurz? Chicken?"

Oh look, Mel Brooks showing off all his movies on VHS! Wait, there is a self-reference to the movie Spaceballs in the movie Spaceballs? I think some brain cells really and truly just exploded right now. Deep Hurting.

So to prevent extra pain from actually watching the movie, I think I finally got my new website running with a template I can live with, at least for now. Take a spin over to Photo-Gnome to see what I've been doing. Oh, and by the way, if you try to go there yourself, remember that someone else got the .com, I'm the .net (and the .info, but who is going to remember that, right?)

Mini Vacation Over So Soon?

2009-08-27T09:06:00.002-04:00

Spent two nights up in Manchester Vermont and got back home last night. I love me some vacation. I'm rather bummed to be home but to be honest, I ran out of cheese money on Tuesday. I will chalk this one up to just being lucky to get away from home at all. And I was thinking of taking The Boy to the beach but now it looks pretty chilly and rainy the next couple of days. That's no fun for anyone.

Actually, I have to go through all the photos and videos now, or it will never get done. But if today is the nicest day remaining this week, shouldn't I "do" something fun and save that for the rainy days? It's 9am, I'd better decide soon!