The Big DumpTruck

Throwing Little Thought Pebbles at Your Windshield Since 1996

Category: poetry

Taking Root

The heart knows what it wants
but has no control
and for every day
the knock it desires does not arrive
you fight the urge to pound your fist
on an empty chair;
pointless frustration

There is no bouquet of happiness
or framed photos of perfection
that can capture events
you conjure in your mind.
The dream of what could be
is colored chalk in the rain
Thundering reality rumbles
warning to not stray beyond the shelter
of the known.

Not unloveable
just unloved
each morning begins
with dim light and dim hope
slowly budding
until you forget the promises you made to yourself
to face reality
head-on, strong.
You forget and allow yourself to think that
Maybe this will be the day
it turns around
and you will find the flowers
you gave up for dead
have taken root
in the smallest patch of hope
in the world

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Planting a Flag

The hardest part may be
Reclaiming the places and spaces once shared by two;
favorite haunts, now haunted.

You can ignore, retreat, recoil
Avoid the heartache
of a thousand happy memories
Or face them
Own them
Plant your flag in the soft sand
of towns with ocean views
Even as you wipe away tears
and try to smile
Tell the waitress you aren’t waiting for one more
even when your heart is
Because every special place you went
With him
Is a place you went
With you
You can own
those roads and restaurants,
the sun and the Saturdays
or continue giving them away
to someone
who doesn’t even
want them

(C) bigdumptruck.com

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Winter

Frozen fields unfettered
blowing ice
breath short
wandering, pondering
The day stretches long and lean
Possibilities peak out
between gnarled tree branches
and frosted grass
lonely birds fly
with weak songs their
promises of warmer days.

For now, the sun is wanting
and the journey long
Swirls of smoke from a chimney
and my breath
call me back to the fireside
to wait
another step forward
another day closer
to spring

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Collateral Damage

Collateral Damage

I knew a man
Once.
Forever ago
He seemed to be
what he was not
Denied his truth,
at least to me
I know now
Killing time –
late night prayers
tears
wishes and whispers
When I would not
could not
hear.
To reclaim his old life
The Pinnacle
I, collateral damage.
“Good enough”
Isn’t good enough
when you’re
selfishly
holding out hope.
Hope knocked
Right or wrong
Truth never spoken
Fleeting “I’m sorry”
Then silence

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Spaces

No one gives a second look
to the broken-hearted
Our pain cloaks us with darkness
and shadow,
We are invisible

To throw aside the darkness
we must step forward
and risk new pain
We must let go, must trust
the most fragile parts of our souls
with people who don’t know¬†the risk we’re taking

But when you find someone
who sees this as a priceless gift
and gives their heart in return
A joyful warmth fills all the empty spaces
and you cease to be alone

We are not strangers
Hoping to find a space to put our hearts
There was a place in you
that was waiting for me
all along

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Pretend

Happy chatter
strangers
I smile, pretend
I feel a part of things
though I do not
Your effort to draw me in
fails
and I’m more aware of our differences
I long to remove myself
from the awkwardness
but circumstances hold me hostage
Just another 20 minutes
Just another 10
Three hours of pacing before I can flee
free to return to the familiar
the safe places
where I don’t have to
pretend

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