The Big DumpTruck

Throwing Little Thought Pebbles at Your Windshield Since 1996

Tag: television

Love Boat Questions

I hate to admit how many episodes of The Love Boat I’ve watched. But it’s a LOT of them. I think my favorite part is the gritty realism. But if you can get past the danger and intrigue and look deeper, you’ll see the pure nonsense that is my favorite reason to watch the show. Here are my some of my favorite things to ponder, in no particular order.

 

  • Why is the gift shop so small? I’ve seen bigger gift shops in a Ramada. This is the spot where passengers can buy anything they forgot to pack and various episode that happened to have shot inside show a ton of jewelry and some dress shirts. if you need a watch, they have them. sunscreen and magazines? I’m not so sure.
  • Vicki is Captain Stubing’s biological daughter but he had to adopt her for some reason. I haven’t seen that episode. So Vickie is on the boat from the time she’s 12. Unlike The Suite Life of Zack and Cody, there isn’t a school on board. I’ve never heard mention of homeschooling, so I guess she’s a University of Phoenix alum.
  • Vickie worked as Julie’s assistant from an early age, which  I assume was an unpaid role because she was only 13. Between her “studies” and assisting Julie in whatever it is she does (see below) Vicki can, uh, swim? a cruise ship is probably an awful place to be an indentured servant.
  • Why does everyone buy a piñata (or a tiny chair) when the go ashore? You just watch the extras in every episode as the disembark at the end of the cruise.
  • Captain Stubing doesn’t really drive the boat. he’s never on the bridge unless someone swings by to talk to him and then that conversation gets his FULL attention. I guess there’s another officer who does the heavy lifting, but he/she is faceless and names less. Aside from the main characters, the only other staff we see are engineers, maids, and waitresses in the Pirates’ Cove Lounge (not to be confused with the Acapulco Lounge) dressed like pirates.
  • Is it really possible to meet someone, fall in love and get engaged on a 3-day Mexican cruise? Apparently true love means never needing more than a long weekend to get to know each other.
  • Julie my cruise director spent a lot of time walking around chatting and not a lot of cruise directing. Gopher and Doc don’t do much more, but at least Doc once did surgery in his tiny office, and diagnosed a guy with ALS and another with cancer. Doesn’t she have parties and events to plan and oversee? She must be good at her job because once she threw together a pirate party and suddenly all the passengers had costumes. She did accidentally hire a male stripper once thinking he was a regular dancer. Attention to detail much, Miss McCoy?
  • Isaac is the clear winner of the “Most Valuable Employee” award. He appears to work 18 hours a day and isn’t constantly falling for the passengers unless they are Diahann Carroll. Isaac should be calling to complain to HR about how much more he works than Everyone else.  While Doc, Julie and Gopher are hogging seats at the captain’s table sitting *closest* to the captain (what the hell? isn’t that for VIPs?) he’s been seen doing bartender things on the side of the dining room. I’d be mad as hell if I were him.
  • Would the captain and key staff of a ship that does three-day jaunts to Mexico be asked to all take over a ship with a European trip? They arrive at the ship basically the day before they sail, which doesn’t leave much time to learn enough to help passengers. Or steer the ship. Or get a license to practice medicine in a foreign country. Isaac will be fine, though, because he’s awesome.
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All Ellen, All the Time

According to fans of Ellen Sojka. Lifetime, Discovery Channel and for some reason, the TV Guide Channel, are in a rabid bidding war over who will get the rights to show

Ellen: All Day, Every Day (Except Wednesday. At 2:30).

Ellen Sojka, a Littleton MA native, seemed surprised to learn about all the attention, stating, “I can’t talk on the phone right now, I have to cut my hair.”

We believe this refers to Ellen Sojka’s recent hair style change, according to published reports found on Tumblr: http://jodysays.tumblr.com/post/10141575157/ellen-sojka-sets-new-trend.

Once she hung up the phone we were unable to reach Ms. Sojka for additional comments or photos.

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Dora the Explorer Dinner Discussion

Quick disclaimer: I haven’t watched Dora in years. I haven’t ever watched the spin-off Go, Diego Go. Or whatever it’s called. But I used to watch Dora. My niece was obsessed, and in fact, one year she insisted I needed a Dora cake for my birthday. Which I did. I also didn’t do research to see if these plot holes were address (or raised) on other websites. This is actually a re-creation of a conversation between my son his friend (both middle-schoolers, represented below as “Boy” because I can’t remember who said what) and me at dinner last night.

[The conversation begins with one of them asking why people say Mazel Tov, which segued into asking what Cinco de Mayo means. Which segued into a question about the Day of the Dead, which featured a comment that Dora the Explorer had a show about going to Mexico for the  Day of the Dead. Or something.]

Boy: Dora lives somewhere in South America.

Me: I don’t think so. Pretty sure she’s American.

Boy: She hangs out with a Monkey, so she must live near a jungle.

Me: She doesn’t live in South America.

Boy: She’s from Mexico, originally, but she came over the border and her fox followed her.

Me: It’s not “her” fox. And no. He doesn’t even have an accent. What about the monkey?

Boy: She took it with her.

Me: You can’t just bring a Monkey into this country like that. It’s against the law. You can’t just go through a border check with a monkey and not get stopped.

Boy: She did. Where else would she get a monkey?

Me: ….

Boy: I still don’t think she lives in America.

Me: I’m just concerned that Boots will eventually chew her face off. I don’t think monkeys make good pets.

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Brainstorming New Hit TV Shows

I think Hollywood is just crying out for my ideas. Not that they have approached me in any way, unless they are getting caught up in my spam filter. That’s always possible. Hey, Hollywood, if you’ve emailed me and I didn’t get back to you, try sending me a @ reply on Twitter or something. I don’t mean to keep you waiting.

Here is the currently list of show ideas I’m ready to pitch to the first person willing to listen. Or you guys, because you didn’t know any better when you started to read. But remember, I posted these here first so no trying to steal my ideas to become big entertainment industry hot shots. That’s MY goal.

This is the list, in no particular order.

  • Bombbob Explodeypants – Kids love guys named Bob wearing pants of some sort, and they love explosions. This show would be like printing money.
  • My Peeps – A gang of completely identical marshmallow chicks share an apartment. Hilarity ensues when week after week we can’t tell the characters apart unless they are speaking.
  • Why Fie – Not a show about wireless internet access, this is a show that asks the question “Why do we need a worldwide governing organization for amateur Olympic fencing”?
  • Your Call Is Important to Us – Game show where ordinary people with everyday problems see who has to wait on hold the longest for a customer service rep. Bonus points are awarded when the contestants guesses match 
    • which company’s tech support line will be the least efficient
    • the exact numbers the caller must press to get into the correct queue for their problem, and
    • whether or not the person answering the phone will be able to handle the caller’s issue(s) without transferring the call to another rep.

Hollywood, I await your call.

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You Can Keep Your 250k, Thanks

Apparently, the people from The Biggest Loser are doing a casting call in Boston in early March (details are here: http://www.thebiggestlosercasting.com/). I saw this, and my first and only thought was No Freaking Way.

Yes, I have a lot of weight to lose before I’m happy. Yes, it would be awesome to have $250k. No, it would SUCK BEYOND WORDS to subject myself to having the world look at my fat ass on television. Never mind the whole world; I’m sure there are people in Kansas who I would never meet in real life so it wouldn’t be an issue. But I cannot even fathom putting myself out there to be watched by my coworkers. How could I ever face them again?

“Hey, Jody, great episode of you collapsing in a heap yelling “Ow! Ow! I have a stitch in my side! OW!” 20 seconds after you starting running in last night’s episode.”

Um, ya, and hey, how did you guys like the way every cell in my body jiggled for the camera!?

No no no. I’m losing weight right now, at a reasonable 1-2 pounds a week (down around 13.5 right now) and the only person who is watching is ME, and that’s hard enough. I’m old enough that I may never wear a 2-piece bathing suit again, even if I got down to an unlikely 130 pounds. Putting on something similar to be paraded around on television? Um, I’d need the $250k up-front, thanks.

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Gobsmacked!

No, not another post about the Palin/Biden debate. Although I sure had fun “live tweeting” about it. Glad I wasn’t playing the “drink whenever Palin says something folksy” game. I had work the next morning!

For whatever reason, when I got home the step-son was watching some reality TV thing on Bravo. The show that followed was called Tabatha’s Salon Takeover. The first episode we watched was about a salon in Long Island. It might have been the best television I have seen in years.

I do not say that lightly.

You could not have cast or written a scripted show that would have entertained me as much as this group of hairdressers. Two in particular, were FANTASTIC. The premise of the show is that Tabatha Coffey, a world-class hugely famous hair stylist and salon owner (apparently an icon in the industry) gets called in by drowning salon owners to “save” their businesses. It appears that the biggest problems are the owners, who don’t know how to properly run a business, don’t have any control over their staff, etc. etc. The first show we watched featured two Long Island sisters who ran their salon, bankrolled by daddy, like a sorority house. If you have a chance to watch this episode, you must. I’m a nice person, so I’m not going to comment on two of the girls working at the salon, but needless to say, I wanted to hit them with shovels.

We watched a 2nd episode, which was also interesting, but couldn’t hold a candle to the first one in the sheer brainless staff department.

I don’t know if the show will hold up for me over the course of a whole season or two, but our entire house was howling during these shows. Minimally you must Tivo it, just to watch when there isn’t anything else on.

Oh, and Tabatha is British, and she’s often “Gobsmacked.” That’s my new favorite word, although I don’t know how easily I can slip it into conversation.

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Tinky Winky All Full UP

You know, it occurs to me that I have not had to watch an episode of Teletubbies in a good 8 years. I could not tell you if it is even possible to watch an episode if you wanted to. As Martha would say, that’s a good thing.

But to this day, it is etched into my brain with the shaky hand of a youth with one of those wood burning kits. Ya, I know, ouch.

I still say “Tinky Winky all full up.” It may or may not drive the people forced to live with me crazy. I cannot help this, it’s just the way it is. So when it was time to write a post about how I have successfully filled up the hard drive on my laptop, I wrote the title up at the top without a second thought. But that’s not true, because I did have a second thought, a little bit later. I left the title the way it was anyway. I’m like that.

So my hard drive is full. Let me just spit that out before my mind wanders any further and you’re left wondering what the hell made you read this far. I am trying to burn data to disks before either moving it to the backup drive (I’m anal. I trust nothing, especially an external backup drive). I have successfully given myself 3 whole gigs of free space, which will at least allow me to run the computer without worrying that it will begin to throw fits. I want to be the only thing at my desk throwing fits, doncha know.

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In DirecTV Hell

As you’ve undoubtedly heard by now, there was some kind of massive (nationwide) outage that impacted NESN and ESPN2 and therefore people who got up to start their day with a cup of coffee and the season opener could not actually see it on television.

We were among those who had to resort to listening to AM radio inside the house. Not cool, DirecTV, not cool.

Granted, we were already up at 6am, but I’m betting there were a LOT of people who set the alarm just that much earlier.

At least we won it, 10 innings later (not an easy win, and not a pretty one, but a win nonetheless).

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How Can I Be Sure It’s a New Year

I did not realize I forgot to post my New Year’s Eve story. I apologize for making you wait so long. The shame of it all!

But seriously, Mr. Dump and Junior and I stayed home. Step-Junior went out to dinner with some friends but was home by 10-ish. We stayed up to watch the ball drop, our only snack companion some cheese and crackers, and onion dip and chips. (I think I may have out-grown onion dip. Seriously. 4 or 5 chips and I was done).

The men-folk wanted to watch some true-crime thing on the History Channel, but that is not really festive, if you ask me. We ended up watching a DVD of Will Ferrell’s “greatest” SNL bits. (I have a hard time believing some of the ones chosen were the best he did in 7 years with SNL, but I did not produce the dvd.)

At about 5 minutes of midnight we put the tv back on network television so we could watch the ball drop. We watch the countdown, 5. 4. 3. *click* We’re suddenly watching something on I think the Discovery Channel.

So we missed moment the ball finished dropping. We rang in the New Year with completely puzzled looks on our faces. Now we have a Tivo, and it automatically records things that we ask it to, but there is some kind of bug with ours because it’s SUPPOSED to ask us if we want to cancel the pending recording and stay on what we’re watching, but it only does that I’d say 30% of the time now. Often it will just unceremoniously dump you into a new program. Picture the famous “Heidi Bowl” football game from 1968 – with 64 seconds left in the game, the network cut to a showing of the movie Heidi and anyone watching on television missed a 14 point comeback. Our Tivo often “Heidi”s us, often at very inappropriate times.

So we missed the actual moment it became 2008. So did it happen?

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Look Back at My Childhood

Do you Hanker for a Hunka Cheese? Oh my gosh, look at the production values on this puppy! And yet, five billion years later, I still have this song memorized, and sometimes it leaks out of my ears. And stuff.

I found this via Huxtabled, which I found because C. Monks of Utter Wonder has a new blog called Dadsmacker, both on offsprung.com.

Wow, that’s plenty of links for you for one day.

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