Posted in coolness, parenting, Real Life

The Boy Wonder

My son, the actor. I like the way that sounds. A week or so ago he was nominated for an EMACT (Eastern Massachusetts Association of Community Theaters) DASH award. DASH stands for “Distinguished Achievement and Special Honors”. That sounds impressive, no? It is. I cried like little baby.

These are the Individual Performance categories. Michael, at 15, was nominated in the Best Youth Actor category, against every other under-18 boy in any production under consideration by EMACT.

http://www.emact.org/services/dash.asp

I’ve been in awe of my son’s talent for years now, but you always wonder if you’re just blinded by being his parent. This is independent confirmation that I’m not one of those American Idol moms at auditions telling her tone-deaf child “they don’t know talent when they see it!” When I say he’s really very good, I am not the only one who thinks so.

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Posted in humor, parenting

Avoid Emergencies!

My son left his phone at home today. I spotted it in the bathroom after he’d left for the bus, and I felt the cold dread on someone who would go fetal in the same situation.

He texted me with minutes from a friend’s phone as I was getting in the car and asked me to bring it to the high school.

“You don’t need it anyway.”
“I like to have it in case of emergency.”
“Use the phone in the office in case of emergency.”

Wise words followed, that I’d like him to live by every day:

“I’ll just be every careful to not cause or be in an emergency.”

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Posted in humor, parenting

Things We Said at KFC

My kid and I stopped by KFC in town. They normally suck at a molecular level when you go inside, so we tried the drive-through.

Here are some things actually said in the car during our adventure.

  • How does “grilled” anything serve as a valid substitute for extra crispy?”
  • How many legs and thighs do you need to order to equal the meat in a 2-piece breast meal?
  • Oh my God, the woman working the drive thru window is walking across the parking lot!
  • We’re going to be sitting here the rest of our lives. “So, what’s it like, living in a KFC parking lot?”
  • She’s taking so long they’re going to run out of legs. At that point, I’m going to kill her.
  • You could stab her in the neck with a soldering iron. And then turn it on.
  • Best worst wait ever.

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Posted in complaint department, parenting

The Never-Ending Battle Against Evil

There are many battles that are fought on an hourly or daily basis in my life. The battle to get out of bed in the morning. The battle to get my kid to do his homework. Or acknowledge that he even has homework, which is actually step zero to battling him to do his homework. Or the battle to stop leaving socks in the living room. Or to stop using the laundry basket to store clean clothes.

But the most stupid ongoing battle in my house? Put the jar of pasta sauce in the fridge after you are done with it. Look, that’s a $2.50 jar of sauce and we only used half of it, and if you don’t put the leftovers in the fridge our $4 dinner turns into a $5.50 dinner and I CAN’T HAVE THIS HAPPEN OVER AND OVER AGAIN LIKE SOME FREAKISH RAGU-BRANDED NIGHTMARE!

So, I’m not saying this post was triggered by anything in particular, but there is an open jar of sauce on the counter and I think you know what that means. War.

Quick, someone send me a disguise kit, some C-5 (C-4 isn’t enough for this task) and a bag of that margarita mix that you just put in the freezer and then a couple of hours later you totally have a bag full of frozen happiness. I have to go battle some evil.

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Posted in humor, parenting

Showbiz

My son, the previously mentioned 13-year-old who owns all the socks festooning my home, is an actor. He gets this from his father. I tried to act in high school. My God, I wanted to be a great actress so badly I could taste it. I took theater as an elective and I tried out for all the class plays and the musicals. I was never more than chorus in the musicals, and was only cast in one of the class plays. I still remember one of my lines from it, and I’m not even going to mention how many years it’s been.

Water, water in the kitchen
All around the sink
But you are in the living room
And not a drop to drink.

I played Lettie, an insane poet. It was a murder mystery. I’ll give you two guesses which insane poet was the murderer.

I don’t know that I did a good job. I made people laugh, but that’s because I was the comic relief. I’m pretty sure I spent a lot of the play wearing a shiny yellow raincoat. I don’t think I screwed anything up so badly that I destroyed the production, but I probably chewed on quite a bit of scenery. I think I’d be a much better actress now, because I understand how it’s supposed to work, if someone wants to give me a chance. I’d prefer not to be typecast as a psycho poet, but I’m sure if you happened to SEE me in that production, you might be tempted.

Where was I going with this? Oh, I was discussing my son, whose father used to have an Equity card . He is the tree from which this apple fell. The boy has the lead in one musical (The Sound of Music) and a supporting role (with 4 songs) in another (13: The Musical). He memorizes lines like there’s no tomorrow; another difference between us. (This paragraph could use more parenthesis.) He played Scrooge in the Middle school production of A Christmas Carol and was really good. And I’m not just saying that. Well, I did just say it, but I meant it, you know?

There are rehearsals for one or more shows 5-6 days a week. Tomorrow, he has SoM rehearsal from 9-11 and 13 rehearsal from 1:30-5, which is actually nice because it was supposed to be 12-5 and the drive between rehearsals is about 35 minutes. He’s at 13 rehearsals until 10pm tonight. This child is BUSY.

I can’t wait until he starts getting paid the big bucks for acting because I would REALLY like a house down on the Cape. Maybe something that looks like a castle with turrets and ramparts and whatever else a castle has. But made of glass so I can see the ocean. Ya, that sounds practical! Well, except for the bathroom. Maybe we can have real walls for the bathroom. But everything else should be glass. I don’t want an obstructed view. Also, he’ll have to make enough money for us to invest heavily in Windex. I’m just sayin’.

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