The Big DumpTruck

Throwing Little Thought Pebbles at Your Windshield Since 1996

Peeing Like a REAL MAN

I love the people on my project team. I cannot express in words how much I love them all. Friday, 4 of us were stuck in a tiny conference room, and topics ranged from giant horrible spiders, how to properly poach an egg, farting, and whether ladies rooms are dirtier than men’s rooms. These are pretty typical topics, by the way. The men’s room topic morphed into a discussion about how great it would be if women could stand up to pee (it would be) and my project sponsor mentioned he’d heard a story on the radio about a product that helps women pee standing up. Of course, that became the most important thing ever.

I let one co-worker get so far as typing “Female Urination” into his work laptop’s Google search before we pointed out that pressing Enter would cause every security person in the building to come bursting through the door. I pulled up search on my iPhone – the single greatest reason to own a smartphone on the planet is to be able to do searches without invoking the “red corporate security screen of death”.

We found the product in question – the “Go Girl“. At the time, Amazon had it for $4. How could I NOT buy one for $4? Plus Amazon Prime’s $3.99 overnight shipping meant I’d have it today. Oh, yes. Yes indeed.

UPS dropped off the package before I was even out of bed this morning. My room is over the back door, and I heard my friendly UPS driver yell out “UPS!” and I knew it was my lucky day. Sent the boy to fetch the package and ripped into it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

That looks vaguely, um.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And here is the booty: a plastic storage bag (for after you use it), two squares of toilet paper (obviously, not enough) and taa-daa, the Go Girl.

 

I don’t have photos of me using it, but I did use it, right before I took a shower. It was weird. It worked fine; no, uh, spillage. It would be awkward to have to do something with it immediately after use (“excuse me while I put this urine-covered silicone funnel in my purse.”) The real test will be trying to use it while I’m dressed. I’m tempted to go out in the woods with it, to simulate a real-world scenario. It would probably be good to have friends giving me beer and encouraging me – you can’t get more real-world than that.

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  1. Please let us know how you got on in the woods – like did they read your your rights before they arrested you.

    This could be so useful when the nurse hands you a tiny pot and asks you to pee into it.