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Request for Journalists

We get it. Every day, gas his a new high, be it in barrels or at the gas station down the street. It’s no longer news, it’s more a persistent buzzing in our ears.

Howzabout this: You report when it hits a new LOW instead. That will be something we all want to hear.

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Unintentional Downtime

I didn’t realize you guys were bigdumptruck-less for a chunk of the weekend until I got my daily traffic report email and it said that my hits were about a third of what they normally are, making me think there was some sort of problem. Apparently, there was some sort of problem. Luckily, it appears the hosting company found their plunger and released my website, and it is now available again.

I just got paid four days ago and I’m already counting the minutes until next payday. For those of you keeping track, I only get paid once a month. It SUCKS OUT LOUD. I hate it. I’m no good with getting paid once a month. I had to set aside a chunk of change for getting the furnace fixed out of this one and there’s just no cheese money left. I suppose I shouldn’t be complaining about a lack of cheese money when some people can’t buy groceries or pay rent, but dang it, I strongly dislike not being able to spend $10 on myself without feeling very guilty.

And on that topic, we were going to look for a nice rubbish container for the kitchen, and we were at Lowe’s and the cheapest one was $79. The one we liked was $99. Hello?! A hundred bucks for a trash bin? And it isn’t even one of the “survives a nuclear blast” kind that you want to buy for putting out at the curb. This is just a bin with a foot pedal for the kitchen. I could buy a grill for less money than the trash can!

Needless to say, we do not have a hundred dollar trash bin this morning.

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I want my tax refund, can I have it?

We filed our taxes about a million years ago. Or maybe it was a week ago. Anyway, we are due for a refund and I would really like for them to pay me because I have some bills that aren’t going to pay themselves, doncha know! Plus Mr. Dump’s vehicle was making a $386 noise. When he took it to find out what the problem was and get an estimate…oops, we fixed it without calling you to tell you how much it was going to be. That’s so not cool. I won’t name the place because I really like them, and the work they do, but this was a big stinkball to have to pay it today.

Also, for those of you in the Leominster area, we popped in to the Blue Marlin for lunch. You have GOT TO SEE THIS PLACE! The decor is beyond excellent. I’m not even going to spoil it for you, but you have to go. I know, it looks ultra swanky from the outside, but the menu is definitely not. Heck, I could have gotten a hot dog for lunch. Or dinner (because the menu is the same). Go go go and then come back and tell me what you think of the place. (p.s. I can highly recommend the clam strips.) Everything is freshly prepared on-site except for some of the desserts, which they get from Auntie Ellen’s Creative Confections next door. Oh, by the way, we popped in there to check it out. Take your wallet and GO. We took the triple chocolate mouse and the bananas foster cheesecake home with us, and we couldn’t decide which was better.

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Something I Don’t Have

I keep hearing these radio commercials for a company where you can send “your unwanted gold jewelry” and they will pay you for it. So many, many things wrong with this. Where to begin?

Okay, first off, who has unwanted gold jewelry? Even the stuff I don’t love I will hang on to, because, well, it’s gold jewelry. Really, let’s just be honest and say the target audience is people who are very hard up for money and happen to have some that they can sell. Or worst case (and you know this is happening) some little crackhead is stealing from grandma’s jewelry box for drug money.

Now gold has value, and given the quality of it, you can bring it to many jewelers who will weigh the gold and tell you what it’s worth. Some of them will even buy it from you (maybe not for full value – I wouldn’t know, I haven’t been selling my jewelry). And you can go to a pawn shop for the same thing. In both of those cases, you are right there in front of someone making the transaction. At what point do you figure you’ll put three necklaces in an envelope, send it to the radio company, and they’ll pay you for 2 necklaces? They say that all shipments are insured, but how does that work? How can you prove that you sent three? Does the person at the UPS store have to sign something as a witness?

I’m sorry, but does anyone really think that sending something in the mail to the company name advertised on the radio isn’t going to be noticed by anyone handling the envelope? There are dishonest people everywhere. Anyone who has ever heard the commercial is going to know there is gold in the package. I’d say the chances of you getting ripped off (by any definition of the phrase) is pretty high.

So let’s solve that problem. If you have unwanted gold jewelry, you send it to me, and I’ll send you back an autographed photo of me and my dog. Because the autographed photo is priceless, you will definitely be making a good decision to unload all that “unwanted” jewelry in my direction. Oh, and if you have unwanted diamonds or sapphires, I will throw in a 2 minute phone call to your cell phone. I am so giving.

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This Is Not a Good Way to Make a Living

Just got a note from Amazon that I didn’t make enough money from referrals to get a payment this month. I’ve gotten the same message for the past several months. The big problem with that is that the minimum threshold to get a payment is only ten dollars. Ten bucks! Wow, it appears nobody is using the old DumpTruck to drive to the Amazon mall. And nothing from the other clickable ads that are over there on the right that I’m not allowed to talk about for fear the company in question will send me to Six Flags to have my feet cut off. And I beg you, do NOT go over there and start clicking because the sudden upswing in traffic will probably set off some kind of alarm that I picture being akin to the ones in the cooling towers of a nuclear power plant. Don’t harsh my mojo by clicking or they will kick my butt out of the program. But say, in a week or two, if something comes up that looks interesting (and by interesting, I mean something that you really and truly are interested in learning more about or purchasing) by all means. That’s what it’s there for. I will throw in a few key words to make it interesting. Gumballs. Sandals. Beach weather. Inflatables. Home brewed Beer. (Wow, that would make for a heck of a party, eh?)

So maybe I should come up with some other methods of making money by doing nothing. Possible options include

  • Wearing only clothing that has the logo of your company on it.
  • Using self-tanner but blocking out the name of your company on one leg, your URL on the other. Subtle, yet sophisticated.
  • Using your company’s website as a template for the BDT so people will be confused and think they are on your site. I haven’t worked out all the kinks on this one so maybe you should just pay me to self tan.

Other ideas?