The Big DumpTruck

See, like, she’s really popular, and she reads my blog, so by extension that makes me popular once-removed! Woo hoo!

I’m going to throw a non-birthday party this summer (cause Junior and I are January babies, so we never get to have cool outside parties) and I’m going to rent a sno-cone machine because I’ve always wanted to. I think that’s the epitome of cool for a party…renting a sno-cone machine. They had a spin-art machine too. You could rent that for $35. Well, it is a birthday party, so maybe that will be a good activity.

I just realized that on my next birthday I turn 39. That’s really freaking old. So maybe this will be my last birthday party ever and in January we can just ignore it when I do turn 39. Except I’ll want presents, or cards with money (one dollar for every year is fine, and if you want to round up it will fit in the envelope a little better).

You know, I was going to comment on Barry Manilow breaking his nose by walking into a wall, but EVERYONE ON THE FACE OF THE EARTH will come up with the exact same jokes by this time tomorrow, and I don’t want you all to think I’m a hack. That’s going to be the problem with including this in next week’s Daily Probe – by then all the jokes will have been released into the wild. It’s hard to come up with something original when you know everyone is working with the same material.

If I pass the background check (and I’m squeaky clean, baby) I’ll start my new contract job next week!

I’d like to thank the Government for providing me with unemployment benefits, which allowed me to pay my bills while I looked for work. As soon as I start this job I’ll call them and let them know they can move me over to the “working” column!

I have to go to Kmart today to return some pants I bought Junior. I’m not looking forward to going there – our local Kmart has become a real armpit. I realize that for many people, ANY Kmart is an armpit, but this one used to be decent. The way some kids hang out at the mall? We used to hang out at Kmart, because it was a ten minute walk from my house.

It used to be clean and well-staffed. The shelves were all stocked, and the cashiers knew how to ring up orders.

WHen I went in there to buy these pants I was apalled at how filthy it’s gotten. Stuff was on the floor, shelves were trashed (i.e. half-empty with stuff out of places). There were three cashiers and the brain trust on the ONLY register that took debit cards couldn’t figure out how to ring up two shirts and several bars of soap. I swear to God, I stood there for 20 minutes. I finally spoke up and made a suggestion for how the woman should approach her task, because she was frozen into inaction by the fact that she’d had to void out something but it didn’t actually void. So she stared at the screen. And stared at it. I finally said “Why don’t you void the whole order and just start over” through clenched teeth. “Oh, ya!” So she does that and the woman says “well, what about my $1 coupon for the soap?” “Oh, that’s in the drawer, I can’t get it.”

Are you freaking kidding me? You think that’s an acceptable answer to this customer? It’s not HER fault you shouldn’t be allowed to work a register. Twenty minutes, no lie, so this woman could buy two tank tops and some soap. It actually started being funny.

So now I have to go back and I’m scared. SCARED I tell you!

“I know what I’m going to be when I grow up. A construction worker.”

We discuss what a great idea this is, and all the different types of construction work there is.

“When I grow up I’m going to be the boss. I’m going to be the one to call people, not be the one to do the stuff. I’m going to tell them what we’re going to build.”

(See, I was hoping he’d go into a trade so I wouldn’t have to pay for an ivy league education. Maybe I’ll get my wish?)