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How to Deal with the Heat

Here is Jody’s Top Three Tips for Dealing with Yucky Hot Humid Weather.

1. Eat a lot of popcicles. Humidity bad, popcicles good.
2. Hand your son a high-powered water gun. Chase each other in the back yard. This has the added bonus of letting you pound on your kid mercilessly all in the name of good clean fun.
3. Sit very, very still. Arrange for someone else to fan you.

I did two of the three this weekend. I can tell you that Toys R Us has a package with two water guns in it for only $8, and we had a total blast. He’s got better aim than he used to have, the little bugger. But it felt REALLY good.

Now the boys are playing a baseball game on the GameCube (MVP Baseball 2005), and they are seeing how many out-of-control plays they can make. As in, they’ve got the catchers literally running all over the field and making all the plays themselves. Jason Veritek keeps tagging out guys running between 2nd and third. One double play took about 5 minutes to complete.

Oh, and another thing is that I set myself up as a seller of stock photos on Shutterstock.com. If someone downloads one of my images, I get 20 cents. And the way they are set up is for $140, a user can download 750 images a month, encouraging people to download stuff even if they don’t actually specifically need an image, just because they can. I know someone who signed up last week and has had two of her images downloaded already. Anyway, you own the rights to your images, and you can sell them simultaneously elsewhere. shutterstock just acts like a consignment shop. And if you are more a designer, you can also upload clip-art, backgrounds, and other vector graphics.

So, thinking you’d like in? Use me as a referral so I can get an extra penny or two, wouldja?

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98? 98?

Crap, it’s going to be 98 on Saturday. And I don’t know if the party we’re going to is going to be inside or outside. If it’s outside Mr. Dump will last exactly 10 minutes.

Ugh.

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A Million Billion Years Ago

I was going to post something for the amusement of some of my long-time readers, and then I started to wonder if I actually have any of those any more? I know a few folks who do drop by from time to time, but I don’t think they are regular readers. So then I’d have to explain everything to you. Okay, so I’ll do it anyway. Turns out it isn’t the first time I’ve revived this classic Dump feature.

Lord of the Dance Update
Michael Flatley, everyone’s favorite Lord of the Dance, is back with a new show called Celtic Tiger. It’s apparently about the history of Ireland. According to the LotD himself, he hired a “young lad” from a Welsh rugby team to help him train, and he’s been dancing 12-16 hours a day for the past 20 weeks or so, to get in shape and prepare for this show.

12-16 hours a day of dancing? I can’t think of anything I’d like to do for 12 hours a day, except for maybe sleep. I wonder what you have to eat to keep the right level of calories for that type of activity? I imagine his grocery bill is fairly high.

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McDonald’s Fruit & Walnut Salad

Joan: It’s a happy day here in Joanville – we have McDonald’s new Fruit & Walnut Salad!

Fruit & Walnut Salad: Hello!

Joan: I just want to jump right in here with a question, because that’s what I do best, right?

Fruit & Walnut Salad: Go right ahead.

Joan: What the hell is a Fruit Buzz(tm) ?

Fruit & Walnut Salad: It’s what you get after eating one of me!

Joan: But what *is* it? Is there some chemical additive involved? Is it legal?

Fruit & Walnut Salad: No, no, it’s just a natural feeling of euphoria one gets after eating a Fruit & Walnut Salad. We call it a Fruit Buzz(tm)

Joan: Really.

Fruit & Walnut Salad: Sure! And any meal is a great time for a fruit buzz(tm)!

Joan: But you’re just apple slices and grapes and a little container of vanilla yoghurt.

Fruit & Walnut Salad: Don’t forget the candied walnuts!

Joan: I hate walnuts. So if I go home and pull out an apple and some grapes and a container of yoghurt, I’ll get a homemade fruit buzz(tm)?

Fruit & Walnut Salad: You’d need candied walnuts.

Joan: Okay, for the sake of argument, I’ll throw in sugar encrusted walnuts. Now can I get a self-induced buzz?

Fruit & Walnut Salad: No, it’s only available at McDonalds.

Joan: For less than $3 a throw. Because you’re saying there’s nothing extra in it.

Fruit & Walnut Salad: No, you need our salad.
Joan: Because I’m just saying, it’s only apples and grapes….

Fruit & Walnut Salad: …and walnuts…

Joan: Screw the walnuts!

Fruit & Walnut Salad: Hey, hey, I’m a family-friendly Ronald McDonald-approved product, ma’am. We do not screw walnuts.

Joan: I’m sorry, I guess I forgot to get a buzz on before you got here. Lean over so I can grab some apples…wait, where are you going?

Fruit & Walnut Salad:

Joan: Well, thanks to our friend the Fruit & Walnut Salad for helping us understand the Fruit Buzz(tm).

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