McDonald's Fruit & Walnut Salad

Joan: It's a happy day here in Joanville - we have McDonald's new Fruit & Walnut Salad!

Fruit & Walnut Salad: Hello!

Joan: I just want to jump right in here with a question, because that's what I do best, right?

Fruit & Walnut Salad: Go right ahead.

Joan: What the hell is a Fruit Buzz(tm) ?

Fruit & Walnut Salad: It's what you get after eating one of me!

Joan: But what *is* it? Is there some chemical additive involved? Is it legal?

Fruit & Walnut Salad: No, no, it's just a natural feeling of euphoria one gets after eating a Fruit & Walnut Salad. We call it a Fruit Buzz(tm)

Joan: Really.

Fruit & Walnut Salad: Sure! And any meal is a great time for a fruit buzz(tm)!

Joan: But you're just apple slices and grapes and a little container of vanilla yoghurt.

Fruit & Walnut Salad: Don't forget the candied walnuts!

Joan: I hate walnuts. So if I go home and pull out an apple and some grapes and a container of yoghurt, I'll get a homemade fruit buzz(tm)?

Fruit & Walnut Salad: You'd need candied walnuts.

Joan: Okay, for the sake of argument, I'll throw in sugar encrusted walnuts. Now can I get a self-induced buzz?

Fruit & Walnut Salad: No, it's only available at McDonalds.

Joan: For less than $3 a throw. Because you're saying there's nothing extra in it.

Fruit & Walnut Salad: No, you need our salad.
Joan: Because I'm just saying, it's only apples and grapes....

Fruit & Walnut Salad: ...and walnuts...

Joan: Screw the walnuts!

Fruit & Walnut Salad: Hey, hey, I'm a family-friendly Ronald McDonald-approved product, ma'am. We do not screw walnuts.

Joan: I'm sorry, I guess I forgot to get a buzz on before you got here. Lean over so I can grab some apples...wait, where are you going?

Fruit & Walnut Salad:

Joan: Well, thanks to our friend the Fruit & Walnut Salad for helping us understand the Fruit Buzz(tm).

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Copyright 20042007 Jody M. LaFerriere, all rights reserved. Reprinted with permission from The Daily Probe