The Jody – Page 202 – The Big DumpTruck

A Million Billion Years Ago

Posted on June 23, 2005 by The Jody

I was going to post something for the amusement of some of my long-time readers, and then I started to wonder if I actually have any of those any more? I know a few folks who do drop by from time to time, but I don’t think they are regular readers. So then I’d have to explain everything to you. Okay, so I’ll do it anyway. Turns out it isn’t the first time I’ve revived this classic Dump feature.

Lord of the Dance Update
Michael Flatley, everyone’s favorite Lord of the Dance, is back with a new show called Celtic Tiger. It’s apparently about the history of Ireland. According to the LotD himself, he hired a “young lad” from a Welsh rugby team to help him train, and he’s been dancing 12-16 hours a day for the past 20 weeks or so, to get in shape and prepare for this show.

12-16 hours a day of dancing? I can’t think of anything I’d like to do for 12 hours a day, except for maybe sleep. I wonder what you have to eat to keep the right level of calories for that type of activity? I imagine his grocery bill is fairly high.

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New Interview For Your Reading Enjoyment

Posted on June 22, 2005 by The Jody

I had to tweak the template (well, I didn’t have to, but I accidently blew it away and I didn’t have a backup copy, so let’s just pretend that I wanted to update the look and feel of Interview with Still Life, shall we?)

Today’s interview is with McDonald’s New Fruit and Walnut Salad

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McDonald’s Fruit & Walnut Salad

Posted on June 22, 2005 by The Jody

Joan: It’s a happy day here in Joanville – we have McDonald’s new Fruit & Walnut Salad!

Fruit & Walnut Salad: Hello!

Joan: I just want to jump right in here with a question, because that’s what I do best, right?

Fruit & Walnut Salad: Go right ahead.

Joan: What the hell is a Fruit Buzz(tm) ?

Fruit & Walnut Salad: It’s what you get after eating one of me!

Joan: But what *is* it? Is there some chemical additive involved? Is it legal?

Fruit & Walnut Salad: No, no, it’s just a natural feeling of euphoria one gets after eating a Fruit & Walnut Salad. We call it a Fruit Buzz(tm)

Joan: Really.

Fruit & Walnut Salad: Sure! And any meal is a great time for a fruit buzz(tm)!

Joan: But you’re just apple slices and grapes and a little container of vanilla yoghurt.

Fruit & Walnut Salad: Don’t forget the candied walnuts!

Joan: I hate walnuts. So if I go home and pull out an apple and some grapes and a container of yoghurt, I’ll get a homemade fruit buzz(tm)?

Fruit & Walnut Salad: You’d need candied walnuts.

Joan: Okay, for the sake of argument, I’ll throw in sugar encrusted walnuts. Now can I get a self-induced buzz?

Fruit & Walnut Salad: No, it’s only available at McDonalds.

Joan: For less than $3 a throw. Because you’re saying there’s nothing extra in it.

Fruit & Walnut Salad: No, you need our salad.
Joan: Because I’m just saying, it’s only apples and grapes….

Fruit & Walnut Salad: …and walnuts…

Joan: Screw the walnuts!

Fruit & Walnut Salad: Hey, hey, I’m a family-friendly Ronald McDonald-approved product, ma’am. We do not screw walnuts.

Joan: I’m sorry, I guess I forgot to get a buzz on before you got here. Lean over so I can grab some apples…wait, where are you going?

Fruit & Walnut Salad:

Joan: Well, thanks to our friend the Fruit & Walnut Salad for helping us understand the Fruit Buzz(tm).

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McDonald’s Fruit & Walnut Salad

Posted on June 22, 2005February 24, 2010 by The Jody

Joan: It’s a happy day here in Joanville – we have McDonald’s new Fruit & Walnut Salad!

Fruit & Walnut Salad: Hello!

Joan: I just want to jump right in here with a question, because that’s what I do best, right?

Fruit & Walnut Salad: Go right ahead.

Joan: What the hell is a Fruit Buzz(tm) ?

Fruit & Walnut Salad: It’s what you get after eating one of me!

Joan: But what *is* it? Is there some chemical additive involved? Is it legal?

Fruit & Walnut Salad: No, no, it’s just a natural feeling of euphoria one gets after eating a Fruit & Walnut Salad. We call it a Fruit Buzz(tm)

Joan: Really.

Fruit & Walnut Salad: Sure! And any meal is a great time for a fruit buzz(tm)!

Joan: But you’re just apple slices and grapes and a little container of vanilla yoghurt.

Fruit & Walnut Salad: Don’t forget the candied walnuts!

Joan: I hate walnuts. So if I go home and pull out an apple and some grapes and a container of yoghurt, I’ll get a homemade fruit buzz(tm)?

Fruit & Walnut Salad: You’d need candied walnuts.

Joan: Okay, for the sake of argument, I’ll throw in sugar encrusted walnuts. Now can I get a self-induced buzz?

Fruit & Walnut Salad: No, it’s only available at McDonalds.

Joan: For less than $3 a throw. Because you’re saying there’s nothing extra in it.

Fruit & Walnut Salad: No, you need our salad.
Joan: Because I’m just saying, it’s only apples and grapes….

Fruit & Walnut Salad: …and walnuts…

Joan: Screw the walnuts!

Fruit & Walnut Salad: Hey, hey, I’m a family-friendly Ronald McDonald-approved product, ma’am. We do not screw walnuts.

Joan: I’m sorry, I guess I forgot to get a buzz on before you got here. Lean over so I can grab some apples…wait, where are you going?

Fruit & Walnut Salad:

Joan: Well, thanks to our friend the Fruit & Walnut Salad for helping us understand the Fruit Buzz(tm).

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Deer, Can You Pick Up Some Milk On Your Way Home?

Posted on June 21, 2005 by The Jody

So the big news around here is that there was that a young deer somehow ended up in a convenience store in downtown Fitchburg. This is a fairy urban area, as downtowns go. I know there are areas of trees up the street some, but I don’t know how big they are or how dense it is. Does it qualify as “woods”? The parts of the city immediately surrounding downtown are more residential. Maybe there are woods up behind the old high school. (Sally, are you checking in? You work down there at the Art Museum, what’s the general consensus on where he came from? Out by Burbank Hospital?)

Mom Deer: Fluffy, I need to you run an errand for me.

Fluffy: Aw mom! I don’t wanna!

Mom Deer: Fluffy, no back talk! Now you run to the convenience store and get me a pack of Pall Malls and some 2% milk. This instant!

All things being equal, I’d rather have a deer in a convenience store than an alligator in the pond behind a Pontiac dealership, like they did in Auburn.