The Big DumpTruck

Throwing Little Thought Pebbles at Your Windshield Since 1996

Tag: funny

Here’s Your Quote of the Day

From Dump Friend Pia, via email:

“Whatever you give a woman, she’s going to multiply. If you give her sperm,
she’ll give you a baby.If you give her a house, she’ll give you a home. If you
give her groceries, she’ll give you a meal.If you give her a smile, she’ll give
you her heart. She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her.
So – if you
give her any crap, you will receive a ton of shit.” Author
unknown

I will admit, no matter how many groceries you give me, there is a damned good chance you won’t get a meal. But I can give you a written guarantee on the ton of shit.

No Comments by on September 10, 2008
filed in Uncategorized
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I Am Tammy Faye

It’s never good to get an email from someone with only two words and a link in it, if the two words are “Uhhh, Jody?”

So I have no idea why this person has sent me a link to a Huffington Post article (originally published in 2007, republished Saturday), until I get about halfway down, and see, much to my amazement, my picture. A picture I modified using Paint Shop Pro 3.5 years ago, that to this day floats around the internet as an example of a bad makeup job. Even though it’s not makeup, it was me playing with photo editing software. A photo that originally appeared here on the BDT on the day of my 40th birthday party, because I was wearing my birthday tiara.

Mr. Dump asked me if I was going to contact them for credit, and I said “Are you kidding me?” Here’s the thing. That’s not how I look. That’s not real makeup, and I don’t smoke. Do you think people will take the time to find that out? Do you think they will look at the original photo and the modified one and figure it all out? No, they’ll think I’m Tammy-Faye-Courtney-Love LaFerriere. And that would be bad.

On the other hand, I find it INCREDIBLY amusing that a photo of me is used next to one of Reese Witherspoon on a hugely popular multi-national website. I hope people don’t confuse us.

13 Comments by on August 11, 2008
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Minimal? Well That’s Good News

I was on the Accuweather website just now, looking to see if rain is expected to mar Junior’s 2nd playoff baseball game tonight. I happened to scroll down past the important (to me) information and spotted the following table. What struck me as amusing is that they just aren’t completely ruling out any of the things in the far right column. It’s the first day of summer. And you aren’t willing to say there is no chance of heavy snow? That there is minimal chance just because that way if the temperature drops fifty degrees you’ll be covered? Good to know.

weather odds chart showing minimal chance of heavy snow

by on June 20, 2008
filed in humor
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Brilliant writing example

This is a hilarious article that takes Hillary’s past approach to the primaries and applies it to basketball.

http://blogs.tnr.com/tnr/blogs/the_plank/archive/2008/06/03/a-sports-parable.aspx

Enjoy.

by on June 3, 2008
filed in humor
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We Make a Safety Video

Okay, so those of you who have subscribed to the podcast via iTunes will get this one automatically, but for those of you who haven’t (ahem) I will share an .mov version of the movie for you to watch right here.

Now keep in mind that no cows were harmed in the making of this film. Junior was, because his feet went south on him while he was minding his own business standing on ice in the driveway.

Behold, the Cow Racing Safety Video

(I have no idea why this might appear twice in your browser. It is all controlled by Blogger, so blame them.)

by on February 17, 2008
filed in video
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I Do Not Make this Up

I will share the question of the day, as posed by Junior when I was talking about the little girl who was born with 4 extra limbs being able to go home.

“What if Britney Spears had a baby she named Spears Spears and it had two faces.”

Well, that is is good question, isn’t it? I’m not sure why we’re discussing Britney, specifically. I’d be interested in discussing anyone who has a baby and gives it a double name and oh, by the way, the baby has two faces.

So there you go. There’s your question of the day.

Here’s my question of the day: Shaws was out of peppermint extract, which is needed for this ultra simple dessert I was going to make. I don’t want to go to a different grocery store the Saturday before a nor’easter because I am not stupid. I went to Shaws before 9am for a reason. What other store do you think might carry peppermint extract?

by on December 15, 2007
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Trash Truck Ballet

My desk at home is next to a window, which if you know me, is practically a need, not a want. I love looking out the window. This morning I was rewarded with a trash truck ballet, in which two different trash trucks slid and skidded and basically had no control. Ya, it’s slippery on my street. No sanding again, which is nice. Eventually the truck that slid past the end of my street was able to get itself turned around before the other one almost took out a small snow bank. Eventually they just parked the two trucks and all stood in the street talking, probably asking themselves if it was really worth it to come in to work this morning.

Photo evidence of the two trucks out my window.

by on December 10, 2007
filed in photos
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What Not To Do

I have decided to pass along some wise words of wisdom [modesty!] to all of you today. You can thank me later, by showering me with Nerds and other appropriate offerings. (The good offerings would be the ones that fit on the front of a Canon XTi, you know, to clarify.)

Let’s just say you’re me. Or someone like me. Or you, but you live in this area and drive to someplace south on 495. IF you leave the house and realize you have forgotten to put on deodorant, but then decide you can stop at Bolton Orchards because they sell some grocery items, be prepared to be offered one and only one type of deodorant. Oh, and it’s an icky roll-on, so if you put it on under your clothes, you can sit and worry that it will never dry and will put some sort of wet stains on your shirt. And then you can realize that it cost six dollars instead of the $2 you normally pay for your own brand when it’s on sale. And then you can be horrified to realize that your armpits smell like those gigantic lilies they put in flower arrangements that give me migraines. That’s right, I smell like an allergy-inducing floral arrangment today.

When I go to the baseball game tonight, bees are going to attack me for sure. It was nice knowing you.

by on May 10, 2007
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