The Big DumpTruck

I used to have a reputation of being a collector of Christmas Music. I think it was a lot easy to be such a thing when you had to buy entire albums, cassettes or CDs of Christmas music. It's much too easy now to just buy one or two songs today.

I did buy an entire CD via MP3 Purchase on Amazon last week, and that is going to be my 2009 recommendation for you. If Trans-Siberian Orchestra toned it down about 2 notches and didn't have any vocal tracks, you'd get the Arctic Express CD "A Christmas Rock Experience."

Some of the reviewers called it the love child of Trans-Siberian Orchestra and Mannheim Steamroller but I don't want to turn people off because they dislike one or the other. It really is just rock and roll Christmas music. Listen to the samples, and if you're like me, you'll just pony up the $6 to download the CD. PLEASE NOTE: There are apparently two versions of this CD up on both Amazon and iTunes. On both sites, one is about half the price of the other. I have no idea why this is, other than that the album has a slightly different name and track ORDER, but the same tracks. I have linked to the cheaper version on Amazon. My gift to you. Disclosure: If you do buy it from Amazon and you use the link above, I think I get a dime or two. If you use the link above and buy other things, I get a few more dimes. I like dimes.

Labels: christmas, Christmas_music, music, Xmas

Dear Santa,

I have been a good girl this year. I have put up with a lot of doo-doo and doo-doo heads and still get up in the morning and face the day. I haven't let the crushing weight of reality grind me into the dirt. I maintain a gorgeous facade of "normal" like nobody's business.

So, then, here are the things I think I deserve. I know you normally just accept letters from kids, but I figured you might have room for one or two things for me, as you will be handing out a stack of IOUs for those Zhu-Zhu Pets hamsters, seeing as they are out of stock all over the place. (I have 3 real gerbils so I'm good on that front. Although the dog might like a fake hamster it would probably destroy it in 5 minutes.)

This year (well, next year) I have some personal goals I'm setting, and I may need a little help with that. I think my big present from you could be some kind of exercise equipment. I don't have any in the house, but I do have one of those body composition scales and I swear to God, it told me that aside from my bones I am completely made of butter. It was scary. And then I ate a donut.

So I need something easy to use and maybe something that will go and lift me off the couch and carry me to it and do half the work for me. Do you have something like that? I think if you don't have that, an elliptical trainer would be a good second choice. I bought some really cute workout pants so all I need is a reason to wear them.

Maybe that's a little heavy for your bag, even with all the empty space where the toy hamsters should have gone. Camera equipment (lenses, flash, etc.) don't take up nearly as much room. Or a gift card to Amazon to buy lenses, flashes, etc. are a good bet. Or jewelry. Jewelry is small, right? You wouldn't even have to put it in your bag, you could keep it in your pocket.

I'm really all about whatever makes this easiest for you, Santa. (See, that ought to take me off the naughty list for a long, long time!)

Love,

Jody

p.s. I won't leave a fire burning this year. Again, I want to make this easy for you.

Labels: christmas, letters, santa

I think there are a few things that I am not going to get from Santa that I see people getting all time time in television commercials. I like television commercials because they really do tell me how much my life stinks, and how very much improved my life could be if I would just get off the couch, roll over to the mall and spend my hard earned cash. It's so easy, even a child can do it. (For the record, Junior is not allowed to watch infomercials because he gets sucked in and he wants everything they sell. Right now the thing is that hydroponics herb garden. Because, you know, he needs fresh herbs.

1. A Car. An expensive car specifically. With a giant red bow. You know, I've been around for quite a few years, and I can tell you that I've never seen a car with a giant bow on it in anyone's driveway. And I notice things like that. Also, if Mr. Dump ever buys me a car without asking my input on make, model, color and options, he will be known from that point on as "Stumpy".
2. Gigantic Diamonds. Okay, this would be a very cool gift, I'll admit. But really, I do not want our checking account drained so that I can get a rock that would look more appropriate on Wilma Flintstone. Or whoever is currently married to Donald Trump.
3. A BBQ for tailgating. I don't tailgate. Maybe I would if I had a portable grill that can make a 14 course dinner before the game. But I don't have one so I will be grilled-meatless this Christmas.
4. A hydroponics tabletop growing kit. Even if the thought of endless cherry tomatoes is appealing, I'd be all over this if I thought I could get even one good beefsteak tomato mid-winter. I don't cook with a lot of mint, though, so I don't know if it's worth the investment.
5. Vinyl siding and replacement windows. Gosh, what a thoughtful gift! Could those replacement windows come in, say, a mansion of some kind instead of my little Cape? That would be great!

That's all I have for now. If I think of more, I'll add them today, because you know what? You are totally worth it.

And if you're looking for something uplifting to read (and like me, it's okay if you tear up at work) I suggest reading The Gift over at Suldog's blog.

Labels: christmas, lists

I only want a wintery mix if it involves peppermint candies and chocolate. Okay, that didn't make a lot of sense, but I got tired of trying to think of something funny. Maybe I should not have said anything then? I'll leave that up to you.

I'm going to try to take a little movie of what my Christmas tree is currently doing. It's blinking. But very slowly. It could blink faster but it's hugely obnoxious. I know because it was doing it recently. (We bought a remove on-off plug thingy that you can use to plug in three strings of lights and what it does is turn them on and off at different times so it looks twinkly, but we have a pre-lit fake tree so it doesn't twinkle, it just blinks like a crazy person.

Saw the movie "Enchanted" today - it was fantastic. Highly recommend this one, especially if you have any experience watching Disney Princess movies.

Here is our tree and the current fire. Note the soothing blinkage.

Christmastree.mp4
Christmas tree.mov

Labels: christmas, fireplace, movies, weather

Okay, I'm all Christmassed up now. Junior bought two presents to give to his cousins (without any input from us) so we are officially shopping for Christmas, baby! We went to Cataldos on the way home from Burlington (Mr. Dump needed to go to the Apple Store for work purposes. Really.) And boy howdy if that doesn't make you feel Christmassy, nothing will. They are already selling trees so we got our first "whiff of the holidays".

I think it's time to have the annual viewing of Little Women.

And you?

Labels: christmas, shopping, Xmas

I have had the same parking space at work three days in a row. I'm kind of scared. This has never happened to me before. I don't get it, either, unless someone was parked in that space (the spot at the end of a row) and left each day this week just before I got there. Why would anyone choose to park in the 2nd spot in when they can guarantee that at least one side of their car will be ding-free by parking at the end?

Unless....it's a Christmas miracle!

[Note: I went to the web to get a copy of the lyrics to O Christmas Tree so that I could write my own take on it. Did you know that there are at least 5 billion different versions of the lyrics to this song? On a fairly scholarly site that covers this song in depth, I chose a cross between several version. #13 has a familiar first part ("How lovely are your branches") but the rest not so much. I guess making up my own version won't be too different from what everyone else does. ]

O Parking Spot, O Parking Spot
How much I love convenience
O Parking Spot, O Parking Spot
How much I love convenience
I got here late, no traffic flowed
I need a spot in this zip code
O Parking Spot, O Parking Spot
How much I love convenience

O Parking Spot, O Parking Spot
Why are you waiting for me?
O Parking Spot, O Parking Spot
Why are you waiting for me?
Why do others fear to tread?
Is there broken glass, or skunk that's dead?
O Parking Spot, O Parking Spot
Why are you waiting for me?

O Parking Spot, O Parking Spot
Three days we've been together
O Parking Spot, O Parking Spot
Three days we've been together
Three mornings now, I've called you home
So now I feel this spot I own
O Parking Spot, O Parking Spot
Three days we've been together

Labels: christmas, traffic

Apparently, there was a report of a pipe bomb on the side of the on ramp to route 2 from Route 12 in Leominster. We had made arrangements to meet my parents for lunch at UNOs at the Twin City Mall at noon, so we gave ourselves an extra 10 minutes to get there, assuming there would be some extra "NEXT TO THE LAST SATURDAY!" Christmas shoppers out there.

We did not anticipate route 12 being shut down while the police and the bomb squad dealt with the pipe bomb issue. We did NOT allow ourselves enough time to get through the horrific backups that the pipe bomb caused. For those of you familiar with the area, it took us an HOUR to get from the Brooks Pharmacy on Main Street (near Prospect St.) to Unos. We were just trying to go down Main, turn right on Hamilton Street, straight through the lights at North Main (Route 12) and up Lindell.

Problem is, everyone trying to drive toward Fitchburg on route 12 was being sent either up Lindell or down Hamilton. That is, when the cop directing traffic decided to actually let people from Hamilton Street move forward. Can someone explain to me what would possess the guy directing traffic to let us move 1/2 the number of cars as the other lanes? We were backing people up all the way to Main Street! Plus, with people trying to pull out of streets and parking lots (the Shaws back entrance, the cheerleading place), there was a level of gridlock forming that would not be relieved unless he actually allowed some of us to flow through the intersection. Dude, you see how they are all backed up? That's because they can't go anywhere. If you keep letting people take a left, and they get stuck, we will be blocked and nobody will be able to move for the rest of the day. Do you understand that you are CAUSING this problem?

Do they not teach "directing traffic effectively" anymore in policeman school? As we went into insulin shock in the car, I mentioned to Mr. Dump about the time I was stuck at "7 Corners" (or whatever it's called) in Lancaster and the guy directing traffic literally let each street completely empty (like 4-5 minutes, no lie) before letting traffic on the next street move. I sat there TWENTY MINUTES without moving, and this bozo was actually directing traffic. And *I* was on the only street that actually had the legal right of way (no stop signs).

Do officers have to pass some kind of test on the best way to direct traffic at a major intersection before they are allowed to do so? I am not trying to be mean. I am trying to prevent them from being run over by hundreds of drivers experiencing police-induced road rage.

So I'm glad the police detonated the "bomb" (results pending) and nobody was hurt and my parents only had to sit in a restaurant for 45 minutes waiting for us to make the 5 minute drive over. But what a damper it puts on the day.

Labels: 01453, christmas, Leominster, restaurant, traffic

We were having a little discussion on Universal Hub about how the past 2 years people (read: those who look for things to complain about everywhere and anywhere) there have people people who throw fits when anyone mentions Christmas, and there are people who throw fits when people say "Happy Holidays." You know, the same people who don't give money to the poor and destitute, cut lines to get what they want first, and think the world owes them something. Obviously, anyone who says "Happy Holidays" is trying to get Christmas removed from the calendar. (I looked up Christmas on Wikipedia. VERY fascinating stuff. Did you know celebrating Christmas was against the law in Boston from 1659 to 1681?)

This bothers me. I think too many people think they should be able to control what others do and say. If a shop owner wants to put an ad in the paper about a "Christmas Sale" why should they be attacked by picketers and the like? And if another chooses to say Happy Holidays, for whatever reason, the same holds true. The link above, to the Hub, is about a customer losing her mind when someone wishes her Happy Holidays. I would have hit her with a shovel. You know what? Just because you are Christian and celebrate Christmas, doesn't mean everyone does, you selfish, egostistical shrew. Hanukkah starts today. Shouldn't I wish everyone I see a Happy Hanukkah today? Why not? What would the Christmas Army have to say to that? But it would be appropriate, would it not? When I worked as a cashier in a grocery store a million years ago, I used to wish folks happy holidays, because I never assumed every customer of mine celebrated Christmas. Everyone was fine with that, nobody corrected me. Happy Holidays also covers New Years, people.

Should I go back in time and apologize for all the Christmas Cards I have sent that had the phrase "Happy Holidays" in them?

Should the Christmas Army work to ban the Irving Berlin song "Happy Holiday" from the radio and record departments of the world? Obviously he's part of the war on Christmas, anticipating what would happen in December 2006 way back in 1941 when he wrote the song for the moving Holiday Inn.

So if you want to take up a cause, people, why not try to take one up that will actually help someone. Not something that will make you look nuttier than a jar of Jif.

Labels: christmas, shopping

Yesterday I watched A Muppet Christmas Carol. Just the best movie. You have watched it this year, right? No? Okay, go watch it. I'll wait.

Okay, so then, what happened is, I watched it again. Except I watched it with the director commentary turned on. And I didn't just watch it twice in one day...I watched it back to back. So I saw about 4 hours of the movie. I think I have it memorized, which is nice.

Junior had much more energy than I did yesterday (he had to stay home too) and wanted to do fun things. So I set up my Christmas train under the tree and let him play with it. Leave it to my kid...he pulled the musical ice cream truck ornament off the tree and had a whole scenario where the evil ice cream truck driver was after the people on the train. I don't think I've seen that one on ABC Family's 25 days of Christmas specials.

Labels: christmas, junior, trains, Xmas