I declare new rules for Emergency Room prioritization. We have to throw out HIPPAA because you should have to loudly announce what’s wrong with you so the rest of us can stack rank you against the others to decide who goes in first using the following guidelines.
1. Heavily bleeding flesh wound (cause that’s a quick fix anyway)
2. Throwing up or about to. I don’t need that shit while I’m sitting waiting
3. Passing out from pain
4 Trouble breathing normally
5. Clammy skin the color of the parking garage.
6. Head injury
7. Uncontrollable swelling
8. 4 hour erections (see 7)
9. Swallowed a battery
10. Broken bone (not compound fracture)
11. Something stuck in a body orifice that you can’t get out
12. Thing for which you could go to a Minute Clinic if it was open
13. Place for you and your friend to sit while you both eat fruit cup with your fingers