The Big DumpTruck

Throwing Little Thought Pebbles at Your Windshield Since 1996

Michael Comes Out of Anesthesia

The boy had some oral surgery today. Here are some choice quotes from right after he woke up and we were allowed in the recovery room. 

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He drooled some blood onto his shirt. “Oh no! I ruined my shirt! I can never wear it again! [pause] I hate this shirt.”

A minute later when he re-noticed the blood from before. “Oh nooooooooo!”

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He attempted to sing the 12 Days of Christmas along with the Muzak. Poorly.

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A chair squeaked in the hallway. “IS THAT A PUPPY?! Is that Tommy? Tommy the recovery puppy? I want a puppy!”

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He was feeling his pants and they were making a rustling noise. “Why are your pants making noise?” “It’s flesh. [pause] I should iron these pants.” (They’re sweatpants.)

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When the nurse went to take his blood pressure he told the nurse she had very soft hands. Then he complimented her ring. “A lot of people don’t like green things but it’s very nice.”

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“The Spanish lady isn’t Spanish any more.”

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“I was awake for the whole thing. The doctor was talking about how nobody in the office likes him.”

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“It worked”
“What worked?”
“My legs. They still work.”

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He said he wants to use the $10 I owe him (we had a bet on whether or not they’d do the surgery) to buy a ball pitching machine [“It’s NOT a pitching machine cause they use them for tennis!”] like they have at batting cages, but big enough to shoot dodge balls. He wants to donate it to Creative Choices summer camp. “Why?” “Well, *I* don’t want it!”

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“How did I get here?” [the room]
“You walked.”
“No I didn’t!”
“She said you did.”
“She’s a bullshitting liar!”

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“My legs work again!”

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“They put a thing over my nose and told me it would make my arms tingle…but then it made my balls tingle and I got worried. They told me it was okay and I’d be able to have kids.”
“You *asked* them?”
“I should have some say if my babies are going to die!”

Yes, dear, you certainly should.

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