I just spent 3-4 hours of my evening undoing all the harm I did to this website. I couldn’t tell you if I fixed it, or put it back to the way it was, say, yesterday. I broke the hell out of it, I did. If this looks close, we’ll call that a victory.
My kid is historically an over-achiever. He was married by the time he was five. I went and found all the related posts and present them here.
Junior announced to me this morning that he had to go to work, get into his ninja costume and do the ninja dance (that his boss had taught him) with his girlfriend the cheerleader, Julia.
I had no idea he’d finally found a job.
After showing me the “ninja dance” this evening, Junior added “You know why we do that kick at the end? Because the grown-ups only want to see the cheerleaders.”
He also introduced me to his invisible girlfriend Julia. When I said hello to her, he informed me that he doesn’t speak for her, she does her own talking. This should be a quiet evening.
*newsflash* Oh, wait, it isn’t his girlfriend…it’s his WIFE! He told me the reason I didn’t get to go to the wedding is because “you weren’t invited.” Wow, I already hate my daughter-in-law and I just met her.
My new daughter-in-law is still hanging around. Apparently she slept in the spare room last night. She hung around with us in the car today but at some point she must have wandered off because he hasn’t talked about her or to her for 5 or so hours now.
Julia, my invisible daughter-in-law, hasn’t been making many appearances. I have to admit I kind of forgot about her. But last night, Junior approached the coach and said
“I can’t find them! I can’t find my kids! I was supposed to only get one, but he game me two!”
“Two babies. Julia and I have two babies now.”
“Who gave them to you?”
“Joe. He’s the guy who gives out the babies. And he gave us two but I can’t find them.”
“Well, you’d better get looking because I don’t want strange kids running around my house. If you are going to have kids, you have to be responsible for them. You need to keep an eye on them.”
“They’re a boy and a girl. The boy is named Jonah, and the girl is…the girl is named Jody! I’ll go check my room. Maybe they are up there.”
Damn. A grandmother and I’m not even 40.
We had this exchange the other morning.
Jr: After breakfast, Julia and I have to have a talk.
Jr: Ya. She’s gonna be moving out.
Me: I hope it isn’t because of something I said.
Jr: No, it’s just time.
(Okay, so I feel like a total slimeball now. Cause I think my teasing about not liking her because she didn’t invite me to the wedding has made him decide to toss aside his wedding vows.)
I know it’s been a while since I’ve talked about my invisible daughter-in-law Julia, but she does come up every once in a while. About two weeks ago Junior mentioned something about Julia and Jim (Jim is his invisible buddy, I’m not sure if he lives with us or not), but since then nothing.
Yesterday when he got home from his new child care center, aside from gushing that it was the greatest place in the universe, he casually mentioned that he had a new girlfriend. I’m loving and supportive, and trying hard not to be the jealous psycho mom you see in TV movies, so I don’t tell him he’s too young. I don’t even tell him that because he’s already married to Julia he can’t actually have a girlfriend. I just ask what her name is.
“I don’t know. But she wears an orange shirt.”
“Well honey, what if she isn’t wearing that shirt tomorrow?”
“She has a mountain of hair.”
Oh good gravy, it’s so hard to keep a straight face sometime. Don’t you just want to eat him up? Miss Mountain-of-Hair is a very lucky young lady.