Posted in humor

Stuck In Traffic

Hey everyone. Sorry for not posting. I’ve been stuck in a traffic jam for the last 10 days and, well, you know AT&T coverage – it’s nothing if not spotty out here, so I apologize for the radio silence!

Sure, it seems unfathomable that a traffic jam would last 10 days, but you have to admit, we’re a persistent lot. I don’t want to leave my car to go look for food and shelter, because, what if the line starts to move? It could start to move any second, and I don’t want my car blocking the way.

I’ve been passing the time playing Angry Birds on my iPhone, writing in my journal, and trying to figure out how to poop without 10 miles of other people seeing me. That’s actually what most of my journal entries are about, to be honest. It’s riveting reading.

Luckily, we have plenty of food. Someone passed out Walmart sandwich meat and Hillandale Farms eggs. I think eating this food will take my mind off thoughts of going to the bathroom.

In the mean time, I’m going to go play some more Angry Birds. I’m pretty sure I’ll be able to finish level 3-6 any day now!

Posted in humor

Who Are You?

I get personally offended when a website I have previously told to remember me treats me like a perfect stranger. Look, I told you to remember me. I TOLD you.

“Here’s my name, next time I’m here, remember me.”

“No problemo! I am so happy you’re here, I’m going to remember you so that the next time you stop by, you won’t have to remember what name you used to log in.”

“Cool! So when I come back in a few weeks, you’ll be like ‘hey! it’s you!”


[two weeks later]

“Hey, it’s me!”

“And you are?”

“Me! Remember, I was just here! I gave you my name, told you to remember me, and you said you would!”

“I’ve never seen you before. Name Please.”