The Big DumpTruck – Page 38 – Throwing Little Thought Pebbles at Your Windshield Since 1996

Getting Ready for the Holidays

Posted on December 4, 2009December 20, 2015 by The Jody

Dear Santa,

I have been a good girl this year. I have put up with a lot of doo-doo and doo-doo heads and still get up in the morning and face the day. I haven’t let the crushing weight of reality grind me into the dirt. I maintain a gorgeous facade of “normal” like nobody’s business.

So, then, here are the things I think I deserve. I know you normally just accept letters from kids, but I figured you might have room for one or two things for me, as you will be handing out a stack of IOUs for those Zhu-Zhu Pets hamsters, seeing as they are out of stock all over the place. (I have 3 real gerbils so I’m good on that front. Although the dog might like a fake hamster it would probably destroy it in 5 minutes.)

This year (well, next year) I have some personal goals I’m setting, and I may need a little help with that. I think my big present from you could be some kind of exercise equipment. I don’t have any in the house, but I do have one of those body composition scales and I swear to God, it told me that aside from my bones I am completely made of butter. It was scary. And then I ate a donut.

So I need something easy to use and maybe something that will go and lift me off the couch and carry me to it and do half the work for me. Do you have something like that? I think if you don’t have that, an elliptical trainer would be a good second choice. I bought some really cute workout pants so all I need is a reason to wear them.

Maybe that’s a little heavy for your bag, even with all the empty space where the toy hamsters should have gone. Camera equipment (lenses, flash, etc.) don’t take up nearly as much room. Or a gift card to Amazon to buy lenses, flashes, etc. are a good bet. Or jewelry. Jewelry is small, right? You wouldn’t even have to put it in your bag, you could keep it in your pocket.

I’m really all about whatever makes this easiest for you, Santa. (See, that ought to take me off the naughty list for a long, long time!)

Love,

Jody

p.s. I won’t leave a fire burning this year. Again, I want to make this easy for you.

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You Are My Sunshine

Posted on November 25, 2009December 20, 2015 by The Jody

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! I hope the Stuffing Fairy gives you the big smackdown this year, you all deserve it, each and every one of you. Yes, even you, lady who was driving 30 in a 40 this morning and causing me irreparable stress damage. Oh, I certainly do think it’s great that you didn’t have to go to work today! You’re so lucky! I know, taking your car for a stroll is a GRAND thing to do at 7:30 in the morning. Don’t mind me, I’ll just have my front bumper jammed up your tail pipe.

Anyway, my foot fell asleep, and now the rest of me is all jealous. I’m going to go tuck myself in. You stay beautiful, you hear?

video

Festival of Lights

Posted on November 20, 2009December 20, 2015 by The Jody

I am sad to announce that I will not be able to decorate my house to the level that I would like to this holiday season. I would like to cover the house with so many lights that you can see it from space. Sure, the neighbors might not like it, but really, who can stay angry at twinkly lights? Nobody, that’s who!

I don’t own enough lights to accomplish my dream, nor do I have the manpower available to me to do it. I guess it will have to wait until after I become rich and famous. And have a lot more energy to do stuff like this.

I also pulled out the two shrubs that I normally put lights on every year. That seemed like a good idea until I realized I can’t put lights out on these shrubs any more because they aren’t there any more. Huh.

So last year, during the January “everything 75% off” sale at Target I bought a little fiber optic tree. Last week I tracked it down so we could see how tall it was. Not tall enough to use as our only tree, not by a long shot. But of course, now that it’s set up, I think I’ll leave it, just so I have a little something to make me happy. And here it is:

writing

NaNoWriMo 2009

Posted on November 7, 2009December 20, 2015 by The Jody

7000 words in, I finally have a plot. Or at least a purpose. And characters. The full plot will probably not reveal itself until the end of the month, meaning I’ll have a lot more work to do to get it into a finished state. Which, based on history, I will never do. I’m writing about my kid, his friend, and his cousins. It is fiction, I swear. My niece does not own a store that only sells cups and saucers. She’s 9 – owning a store like that is years in her future.

I don’t know why I keep doing NaNoWriMo, but I’m at the point where I almost have to do it, or I’ll feel bad about it. So I give up a few hours of my November, no big deal, right?

So while I’m working on this, please send snacks.

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Building 19 Used Car Salesmen Supplies

Posted on October 26, 2009December 20, 2015 by The Jody

On the off chance that you are looking for the “perfect” super ugly jacket to complete that zombie used car salesman costume you’ve been working on, Building 19 has a rack of some of the ugliest jackets I’ve seen in 30 years. Attached is a photo of my son modeling the “blue and peach striped 100% polyester” special. There is some major ugly on this rack (and the sign actually says “ugly jackets” for Halloween). Five bucks each, no questions asked. (We bought two. The red and black polyester hounds tooth makes my eyes water.)

Full disclosure: We went in there to look for a suit for my son’s magician costume. He wanted a tux, I said I wasn’t buying him one. On the “real” suit rack, right at the end, would you believe they had a “former rental” tux jacket with satin lapels for $20, and behind that a table with tux shirts (!) for $5? And the thing fits him like he was fitted for it. This place is better than the Salvation Army!