The Big DumpTruck

A special report by Jody’s Brain

It’s pink in here. And warm. It’s cozy in Jody’s brain. Look, she’s thinking about getting out of bed and taking a shower. Okay, let’s jolt her awake. We’ll make her think that she has an early meeting that she can’t miss, even though she doesn’t. That usually gets her up.

Ahhh, shower time! It sounds like a lovely rainstorm in here. Let’s give her something to think about while she’s waiting. I love doing this. We’ll give her stuff that makes no sense. Check out THIS train of thought!

1. That new shaping/slip undergarment I bought yesterday is too tight to be comfortable. Maybe I don’t need shaping.

2. They had one that gave you an hourglass figure. That must be twice as uncomfortable. At least it was made of spandex or something like that.

3. In high school B.H. (or her mom) had something similar that you were supposed to wear around your waist to make you sweat off weight. It was made of rubber. How uncomfortable to spend all day with a tight piece of rubber around your middle.

4. I wonder why nobody on XYZ mailing list ever responded when I said that in high school I got stuck playing a boy in the dance scene of West Side Story. I had to wear B.H.’s rubber thing to flatten my chest. It was fairly humiliating. I can’t remember if I was a shark or a jet.

5. Was there a dance scene? I can’t remember West Side Story that well right now. There must have been some kind of school dance. God, those actors were playing high school kids and they already had crow’s feet.

6. Which of the two guys in Twin Peaks played Tony? Did Dr. Jacoby play Riff?

7. “…Always the population growing, and the babies crying. I like the island Manhattan…”

HA! By the time she gets to 7, she won’t remember why on earth she’s got the song “I Like to Be in America” in her head. I love when I do that!

I know you’re expecting me to say the Red Sox, but I’m done talking about them until they win another game.

No, I’m talking about the yellow jacket (bee, wasp, whatever) that is kind of jammed in the latch of the slider door. As in “Was just minding it’s own business when someone locked it, and caught it there.” Except it doesn’t look like it’s caught, it looks like it’s trying to figure out how to unlatch the door so it can get out. But it’s only about 40 degrees out there, so maybe the wasp is actually the one that locked the door. You never know. I’ve seen crazier stuff than that in the movies.

So if it’s still there tomorrow (what, you think I’m going NEAR it? Are you crazy?) I’ll spray it with Windex(tm) for good measure, cause that’s all I’ve got that I’m willing to spray IN the house, and then somehow remove the little dead wasp carcass. And on THAT note…I’m going to bed.

Somehow, this site has made it to the top, baby. If you Google “Jody” (and I know you Google me, you naughty readers) I’m the 4th Jody listed. Not bad for a crappy little “Mundane” website like mine. I feel like I need to make this place worthy of my top 4 finish. More flair. More Pizzazz. More answers to questions like “Is Abe Vigoda Dead?” (No.) and “Are Bart Simpson and Rufus the Mole Rat voiced by the same person?” (Yes.)

So remember, come to the Big DumpTruck for all your Jody needs!

I’m thinking that MLB needs to review how they set up playoff games. If an east coast team plays on the west coast, howzabout they get an earlier start for the first one and more than 15 hours between when one game (should) end and the next one begins. I know they play like this during the regular season, but this isn’t the regular season. And I don’t care if it’s us or another team, I don’t like if one team is given an unfair advantage over another this way. Bankies get a day and a half between playoff games, we get 14 hours. 14 hours in which to get back to the hotel, calm down enough to sleep, sleep, then get back to the stadium and get mentally and physically ready for the game. Fantastic.

Good luck, guys. All of Boston and New England will be watching you today. Make us proud.