Posted in Uncategorized

LIME

DP: Lime, welcome to the Daily Probe.

LIME: You make one feel most welcome.

DP: Well, you are one of our favorite citrus fruits.

LIME: One of?

DP: Well, okay, our favorite. No, really.

LIME: It’s okay, I’m not bitter. Well, I am, but you know what I mean. Now there’s a very good reason I come first in the word “limon” as it refers to Sprite.

DP: Is it because the other option would be, uh, “leme”?

LIME: Ah, humor. Yes. Leme. That’s exactly it.

DP: Moving on, are there areas where you are hands-down better than, say, lemons?

LIME: I did want to mention that the lime-flavored Poland Spring sparkling spring water is without a doubt the best. The lemon-flavored has an aftertaste reminiscent of furniture polish. It’s embarrassing to sit next to that crap on the shelf.

DP: That’s no good. I’m not big for ingesting furniture polish, but I can see your point.

LIME: And Corona beer. We must remember the Corona.

DP: But you forgot the most important thing…

LIME: Which is what? Key lime pies? No meringue involved, is there? Much easier to make.

DP: No, not pie. Margaritas. Big beautiful glasses of top shelf margaritas. Rim slightly salted.

LIME: You’re drooling.

DP: It’s been a long day.

LIME: Well, as long as you like limes more than grapefruit, my job here is done.

DP: Grapefruit? They’ve got nothing. Well, they have Fresca, but who the hell drinks that?

LIME: Exactly. And I’m just trying to pass along the word that limes are the Next Big Thing.

DP: As soon as we wrap this up, I’m going to buy some. I swear.

LIME: That’s all I can ask.

DP: Thank you, Lime.

Share
Posted in Uncategorized

Olympics Thoughts

I enjoy the oddball sports, I have to admit it. The first thing I did was look up when synchronized swimming happens, because there’s nothing better for greasing the comedy wheels than a good synchronized swimming final. (That’s the 22rd-26th, I think. I’ll let you know when it’s closer.

I did watch synchronized diving too. Hell, anything synchronized has to be good, right? On one of my mailing lists we were having the “where do they think up these events” conversations, and my thought is that the people at the highest levels in these areas (is there a World Diving Commission?) try to come up with another way to get more coverage at the Olympics, by having more events. More events means more people can become involved in the sport.

But as one person pointed out, did any little kid every have a pickup game of synchronized diving? No. He feels that Olympic events should only be things that little kids do for fun when left to their own devices. Basketball, soccer, swim races, running races, etc. Anything that isn’t subjective in judging. You either came in first or you didn’t. Anything that the average person could judge from their living room. Not whether or not a diver reached a full extension, or if a gymnast did enough dance in her floor routine, but which guy threw the shot put the furthest. It’s the difference between speed skating and ice dancing, you know?

I like this idea. It will never happen, but I like it.

Share
Posted in Uncategorized

HRH Princess Jody of Dumptruckia

In my on-going effort to pink-ify myself, I am sporting the latest in fashion for the pre-school set – a ponytail holder that has sparkley little flower-shaped beads flowing off it. My 4-year-old niece and I picked them out at Target last week, but I forgot to leave them at her house. So I’m wearing one today. Because I can.

So far nobody has said anything to me. I think I’m relieved.

Share
Posted in Uncategorized

When’s the Last Time You Gave Blood?

I’m giving blood tomorrow night. Mostly because the Red Cross called me personally and asked if I would donate, given my blood type and the fact that nationwide there’s a less-than 2 day supply. When something like Hurricane Charley happens, you realize how important that blood supply is. How important it is EVERY day.

So if you are a healthy adult, find your nearest donation center and sign up. If nothing else, do it for the juice and cookies! (If you live in the Leominster area, tomorrow they will be at the Elks from 1 to 7 or so.)

I’m just crossing my fingers that my iron levels are good enough for me to donate. I’ve been pretty good about taking my supplements, but you never know.

Share