There’s a new Interview available in the Still Life With Interview page. This week, we interview a lawn gnome.
Lawn Gnome
J: So, Lawn Gnome, are you ready for fall?
Lawn Gnome: As ready as I ever am. It’s not always a fun time of year, but at least it’s better than winter.
J: You’re not a fan?
LG: Well, you stand outside buried in snow for three months and tell me how fun it is.
J: Um, no thanks.
LG: And let us not forget the year they put a little Santa hat on me. Man oh man, that chapped my hide.
J: So no Santa hats, then?
LG: And for God’s sake if you were thinking of draping me with Christmas lights, I will find a way to hurt you. I don’t know how or when, but I will find a way.
J: You’re a lot angrier than I expected. You have such a happy little face.
LG: It’s my gargoyle lineage. I’ve got my dad’s looks, but my mom’s personality.
J: Do you find one is better than the other? Gargoyles vs. Gnomes, I mean.
LG: Oh God yes. Gargoyles have a reputation of being much, much cooler. The whole Goth thing. Cher filled catalogs with them. My uncle was a model for a wall sconce she featured in a spring catalog. And don’t forget Disney put a couple of Gargoyle characters in the Hunchback movie. Really upped their street cred with the kids. I mean really, what do you think of when you think of lawn gnomes?
J: Uhhhh…
LG: No, go ahead, you can’t hurt my feelings.
J: Well, old people. Trailer parks.
LG: Exactly. Old people and trailer parks. As opposed to castles and the world’s greatest cathedrals. I rest my case. They get stained glass windows to look at, and I get the ass end of a bendover.
J: Yikes.
LG: Exactly. You can see why I’m such a happy guy.
J: Well, you look happy. I guess now we all know better.
LG: You don’t know the half of it.
J: Thank you, Lawn Gnome.
Paying the Bills
As much as I hate to watch our paychecks go out the window with one flick of the Enter key, it really feels good to know everything is paid and up-to-date. For a couple of years, when I was out of work and we were separated, that just wasn’t the case. Thank God that’s over with.
In other news, what the HELL was I on this morning? I forgot makeup (cover-up for my Frankenstein-like dark eye circles) and deodorant. I have the latter at work, but cripes, who let me out of the house this morning?
No Mail Today
Apparently T-Mobile is having some problems with their network, cause I haven’t had email since I woke up this morning. Do you know what that can do to a person like me? Getting email is like breathing. Every new email is a beat of my heart. thump-thump, thump-thump, new-mail, new-mail.
It’s made me cranky, and I don’t mind saying it out loud.
In other news…no, there is no other news, is there.
LA LA LA I CAN’T HEAR YOU
I thought that would be funny, cause yesterday I couldn’t see, and today I’m ignoring anyone who wants to talk about the Red Sox.
I stopped watching after the 3rd inning. I had the game recording on the Tivo so I just checked in periodically. That’s really all one needed to do.
I will say (and this is all I will say) that I’m impressed when ANY team can score 5 runs on two outs. Too bad they didn’t score 11.