Throwing Little Thought Pebbles at Your Windshield Since 1996
Looking for a unique card? Need to send a Valentine to someone you aren’t sure you like? Are you over 18 (just for some language)?
(From the fine folks who bring you topfive.com and dailyprobe.com. And of course, I contribute to both, even though I didn’t write any of these.)
By the way, for those of you looking for a way to totally suck up to me and get me to be your Best Friend for Life (sm), J-Lo’s old engagement ring from Ben is up for sale. I have a finger all picked out for it.
Shiney shiney diamondy goodness!
I finally took our holiday garden flag in yesterday, because it wasn’t stuck in the snow any more. Junior asked if I was going to put up a Valentine’s Day one, and I said I didn’t have a Valentine’s Day flag, but it would make a lovely gift.
He told me that he was thinking of getting me a ring, but that a flag is a good gift too, so maybe he’d get me one of those instead.
Man, did I just blow it or what?!
Lincoln French Fry
Joan: Welcome, hot off the menu, the Lincoln French Fry!
Lincoln French Fry: Thanks Joan! It’s a pleasure. A real pleasure
Joan: We are so pleased you had time in your schedule to speak to us.
LFF: I love the people.
Joan: I think the question everyone in America wants to ask you right now is this: Are you edible?
LFF: That’s the question? Not “how did I end up looking like Lincoln?”
Joan: Well, that too.
LFF: Yes, I’m edible. And I don’t know how I ended up looking like Lincoln. If you know anything about the McDonald’s Corporation, you know that there’s just no room for individuality. I guess I’m less of a miracle and more of a complete mess-up by someone working Quality Control. I think I remember seeing the nametag “Daisy” on the person standing by the belt as I slid by, but it all happened so fast.
Joan: So “Daisy” didn’t notice you weren’t squared off, and there you went, into the fryer?
LFF: Yep. And then into the deep freeze and the packaging department. Boom boom boom next think I know, I’m being drowned in hot oil, salted, and thrown under a warming light. Thank goodness Americans eat so damned many french fries. I got boxed up and bagged pretty quickly.
Joan: And lucky for you, the person who bought you noticed you look like Lincoln.
LFF: I was honored that he even noticed me, instead of shoveling me into his gaping maw with 10 or 15 other fries. That’s how we usually get eaten.
…
LFF: Joan?
Joan: Oh, I’m sorry, I was just looking at your profile again and thinking of how hungry I am.
LFF: I’m worth a LOT of money over on Yahoo! Auctions. Like 22 thousand right now. And I was on tv in a commercial that cost over a million dollars to air! I am not just a french fry, any more. I am The Lincoln Fry. I have my own website!
…
LFF: Hello?
Joan: I didn’t have any lunch.
LFF: Security!
