The Big DumpTruck

The dust didn’t get me last night, you’ll be happy to hear. Neither did the four inches of snow that greeted us this morning. Heads-up, I am now about to start screaming about how bad a job the weather forecasters have done this winter, from not bothering to mention upcoming storms, to totally blowing amounts time after time after time. I’d cut them more slack but I don’t recall them ever being this far off on EVERY snowstorm. Plus this one started a good 5 hours after they said it would. Sheesh.

As of yesterday afternoon, we were told to expect a foot or more of snow on one channel, and two inches on another. I don’t know about you, but in terms of what that does to your need to shovel and your commute, the difference between two and twelve is enormous. Nobody knows what source we should be listening to anymore because they all contradict each other, so when a co-worker checked the weather yesterday at about 3pm, she got the info from two local TV station websites, and two other websites (I think Yahoo was one) and we all got to decide which sounded the most accurate. Or average them all, which is what I did.

Time after time this winter, we were either shocked at how much more we got than what they predicted, or shook our heads at how much less their was. The storm with 20 inches of snow was, as early as a day and a half earlier, supposed to be a dusting. HELLO?

I don’t know if they all changed computer systems for modeling or what, but if they can’t be accurate, we’re going to need a different way of predicting storms. Go back to the old systems or whatever it was you used to use. They used to be able to predict them more than a day in advance, and actually get the amounts right.

I just saw a link for an in-depth article in the Worcester Telegram that says “Household Dust a Health Concern.”

Uh oh.

I read a little further, and learned that my shower curtain could be killing me. Well, okay, not in so many words, but the chemicals used to make it are linked to asthma and male infertility. And the dust in the house contains traces of these chemicals. Same for the chemicals used in non-stick pots and pans. Now I’m not a reactive person, but if this is an excuse for me to replace my 13 year old T-Fal set with the stuff coming off with a brandy-new set of Calphalon anodized pots and pans to match my Everyday Pan, well, I’m going to start those wheels turning. I don’t want to eat or breath scraped-off non-stick coating.

Of course, most of the toxic chemical dust in our house comes from cleaning products. So then there’s the age old dilemma – do I avoid cleaning and keep out chemicals, or do I clean to remove the toxic dust? (I know, I know, there are chemical free products. But the smell of Simple Green gives me the dry heaves (literally) so it’s not that easy. Actually, I like Kaboom, which is supposed to be low-chemical. I think. Maybe it’s time for more research.)

All joking aside, one thing a woman in the article says that actually shocked me is that “There is a high incidence of autism, asthma and autoimmune illness in our community” and “about 28 percent of the children in Leominster are experiencing learning disabilities.”

Whaaaaat? I have never heard this, and I don’t know what research out there backs up this statement. I know about the unbelievably high incidence of autism, especially in children whose parents who grew up in the vicinity of the old Foster Grant plant. I heard specifically the neighborhood of my old elementary school, which had a stream running behind it that may have had factory runoff, making the kids playing near it the equivalent of the 3-eyed nuclear power plant fish in the Simpsons.

But 28 percent have learning disabilities? I’d like to know where this number is coming from, and when it all started. Because I grew up here and I’d say that the number was nowhere NEAR that when I was a kid, and I don’t personally know of any other kids (via daycare, preschool, kindergarten, baseball, soccer, etc.) with those problems. Not that the kids aren’t out there, but 28 percent would indicate that I’d have run into quite a few of those kids by now.

Anyway, back to the main point – I have to decide whether or not to let the dust in my house continue to pile up. I’m leaning toward “yes.”

Sunday night we were passing through Littleton and stopped at the Donelan’s on the main drag down near the center of town (what is that, 2A, right?).

Junior spotted watermelon in the produce area, and I agreed to buy some for him. We cut into it tonight, and I would be lying if I told you I’d bought better watermelon at any time last summer. This was AMAZING and it took all our willpower to not demolish the whole thing tonight. This was seedless too, which means I can just give him whole slices to take with his lunch tomorrow.

If I lived closer, I’d run back over there and buy them out, I swear. Here’s what this baby looked like when it was almost all carved up. Just looking at this makes me want to go grab another piece out of the fridge.

Okay, so now that I am officially an important voice of my generation, I would just like to welcome you all here and offer you some leftover Girl Scout Cookies. I know what you’re thinking. “What is a leftover Girl Scout Cookie?” Right. Because such a thing does not normally exist in our universe. But I swear, they are GSCs and they are leftover. Actually, what happened is last year I hid a box and I didn’t actually find them until recently. I think it was last year. It might have been 2003. But I think they’re still good, because they aren’t green.

Okay, so now that we’re all cozy, I suppose I should take a poll about some of the things you find important, because as your official voice, I should know those things and be able to speak about them. Right? That’s part of the job description, no? If the list is good, maybe I’ll give it a whole chapter of my groundbreaking book of humorous essays that you are all going to be buying and distributing, along with the 2006 Magnetic Poetry Calendar with the June page proudly featuring my poem. So really, what I’m doing for you, in addition to being your voice, is helping you do all your holiday shopping 9 months early. No need to thank me, I can just see the gratitude in your smiling faces.

Whew. This is hard work. It’s a lot more responsibility than I thought. Can you guys pass the cookies?

You know what is seriously ticking me off right now? That nowhere, and I mean nowhere, am I referenced as “an important voice of [my] generation.” What the hell is up with that oversight? What do I have to do to fix this problem, anyway?

I’m going to write a book, and damn it, each and every one of you is going to buy 10 copies. You will send them out to people you know who live in foreign places west of 495 (like, even maybe Indiana or someplace freaky like that). Do you hear me? You people are just not holding up your end of the partnership!