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Car Rant

My car, a 1992 Maxima with 105k miles on it (just a baby!) is acting up. And the local Nissan garage had it for 2 days, and because it didn’t act up when they had it on a test drive, they said it drove perfectly, and there were no issues that showed up on their computer. For all of this, and me not having a car for 2 days, they charged me $85. Now I understand that for someone to take the time to drive the car around waiting for it to act up is time that person could be fixing another car. But if you charge me $85, you’d better find something, y’know?

I even gave them a service bulletin from 1993 that seems to be describing the problem exactly. But they didn’t want to do the suggested repairs because they couldn’t confirm that anything was wrong with the car. There is something wrong with the car, and I am giving you permission to try this repair, knowing that it might not fix the problem but they still wouldn’t do it. So I’m out 85 bucks, didn’t have a car for 2 days, and the car was acting worse than ever this morning (you little poop, you knew it wasn’t the mechanic driving you!) and now I have to find someone else to fix it for me.

Thanks, Nissan dealership!

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Phantom the Wonder Dog

Okay, can someone here tell me how to speak the following in dog language so my pupster will understand me?

Please stop crapping on the floor. It’s not nice. The living room is not your personal toilet. And while we’re at it, who taught you to jump over the wall of your pen? You’re not supposed to be jumping while the stitches heal. You could get a hernia. We put you in the pen for your own good. Stop escaping in the middle of the night and crapping on the floor. Thank you.

Um, so guess what we’ve been up to?

Oh, and the link to my nano blog is the same as it was before, even though I haven’t written in it for 2 years – you can enjoy walking through the archives while you wait for Nano 2005 to begin. Also, if you are a regular here at the dump (there will be a quiz if you respond to this and I don’t know who you are) and would like write access to the nano blog so you can post too – we can make it a group blog! Just let me know in the comments, and I’ll contact you offline.

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Poor Widdle Pupster

Oh, he’s got the saddest face in the world! I just want to go out and buy him lots of toys and treats and anything else he wants.

The whole cone on the head thing makes me feel so BAD for him! But he won’t leave his stitches alone…in fact, I can’t tell if he got to them or not. Little poop figured out a way to lick his wounds even with the plastic cone around his head.

We have to put up with this for two weeks? Oy vey…

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Imaginary Conversation

Here, for your viewing pleasure, a short play I call “Imaginary Conversation Between Man and Dog.” You can feel free to act this out in the privacy of your own home.

Mr. Dump: Okay, time to get in the car.
Phantom: Screw you.
Mr. Dump: What? It’s time to go to doggie daycare!
Phantom: Screw you.
Mr. Dump: This is because of Monday, isn’t it? Don’t worry, we’re not going to the vet this time.
Phantom: Screw you.
Mr. Dump: Look, we had to have them removed. That guy from the Price is Right said so.
Phantom: Screw you.
Mr. Dump: And we had no idea they were going to pull two of your baby teeth. While you were there.
Phantom: Screw you.
Mr. Dump: We assume it’s because your adult teeth were coming in. They don’t remove things for no reason.
Phantom: Screw you.
Mr. Dump: And you only have to wear that cone on your head because you won’t leave your stitches alone…
Phantom: Screw you.

Fin

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