The Big DumpTruck

I think it’s time to come clean with everyone. You have a right to know. It’s hard to talk about so I’ll say it quick, like ripping off a Spider-Man bandage.

I took up a winter sport.

Don’t hate me, okay? I know that my pudgy out-of-shape self has been an inspiration for legions of Dump fans across this great, illegally wire-tapped land of ours. I am famous for my love of curling up by the fire and ignoring anything that requires me to venture outdoors from November through March.

So I apologize.

But I have always been unable to handle peer pressure (okay, that’s a lie but go with me here) and I was forced…FORCED…into this. And I didn’t hate it. I didn’t hate it at all. And I will probably do it again tomorrow.

I took a 1.5 hour ski lesson last Sunday, and lived to tell the tale. Not only that, but I did pretty well. [James Frey Embellishment Alert!] And my instructor, an ex-navy seal on a booze bender who’s legs were both amputated at the hip, recommended me to the head of the ski team. They made me their captain and at the end of my lesson I participated in a giant slalom competition, where I placed 2nd. I would have placed first, but as I was coming down the hill, a small child was chased out of the crowd by a wild boar, and I had to save her before I could cross the finish line. [End Embellishment.] So it was a good day. Wish me luck tomorrow!

Christine pointed out that yesterday’s blog title was right on many different levels, which is true. Today we discuss something that is wrong on many levels. I’ll leave it to you to figure out which ones.

Yesterday, at a light, I looked over at the guy next to me and he was watching a workout video in his car while he was driving.

Is there really anything else I could say that would make this any better than what is going through your own head? No. And if the only think you have going through your head is a whistling wind, drop a comment and I’ll explain why this is wrong.

Also, when I’m not listening to WXLO (mostly in the morning) I listen to MikeFM (93.7). I get so sick of the repetition of crappy songs on WXLO that I do this for my own sanity. But every once in a while, the whole “Drop a ton of CDs into a computer and press shuffle” gives you something that makes Baby Jesus cry.

One day I heard “My Ding-a-Ling” which amused me. But two nights ago, I heard a duet I didn’t know existed and it just made me realize how odd the music-buying public is. It was a Tom Jones doing a duet with the singer from the Cardigans, doing a remake of the Talking Heads’ “Burning Down the House.” Whoa. Once again, I have nothing else to say.

I am going to come clean here and admit that I have become a Wonka Nerds addict. I don’t know how it happened. I don’t even remember when I first had some, but now, I can’t live without them. I like the grape ones the best, but strawberry is good too. The fruit punch and orange ones are not on my list, but lacking all other flavors, I’ll eat those. Nerds, Nerds, Nerds. I don’t even like to eat candy that much – I can’t believe how much I love these things.

Does that make me a bad person?

So basically it’s just sugar and flavoring. Ever so good for you. Well, they are good for your soul, so that makes them good. Not so good if you are trying to cut empty calories, but I look at it this way…one or two of the little tiny boxes instead of a bowl of ice cream is probably a good thing.

So remember kids, if you want to suck up to me, Nerds.

The comment spammers are killing me. I can’t even begin to tell you what a low ring of hell is reserved for these people. They are the lowest of the low. So I guess I’m going to have to switch my commenting software, because I just can’t keep up with the comment spam any more, and every one comes in from a unique IP address, so I can’t even block them normally.

*sigh*

So for now, I guess I’m going to have to go with the stuff Blogger provides for free, until I can figure something else out. For those of you using that solution already, do you still get comment spam if you turn it on without the thing where you have to approve all comments?

That means that all the recent comments will be lost. For that, I am truly sorry. Your words of wisdom will live on in my heart.

George Bush wants to get his filthy stinking paws on the records of “our” Google searches….so my idea is to have everyone in the United States, no, the world, spend all day doing searches for things like “Bush is Hitler II” and “Bush is Eroding Your Civil Liberties” and “How does it feel to live in a police state?” and other helpful things. I’d like to get a copy of the final report if we could make this work.