The Big DumpTruck

Gotta do an official Thanksgiving post. The law says so. Never you mind which law. So, in keeping with the standard Big temptress theme of pointless mundane content, I will give you an official list of things to be thankful for that doesn’t include anything intended to pull on your heartstrings. There are enough other sites out there for that, and they usually have little cartoon kittens and hearts in the background. NTTAWWT.

2006 List of Things You Can Say You’re Thankful For When Grandma Makes Everyone Say Something.

• The Internets. Specifically, The Google. And the ability to use The Google to look up satellite photos of our Crawford ranches.
• People who leave comments on our websites. Those people are the best people on the whole planet and also Neptune.
• I am also thankful for Neptune. Neptune rulz.
• The heater in my minivan. Good golly it’s been cold this week! If Thanksgiving were in the Summer, I would be thankful for air conditioning.
• Dunkin Donuts. America runs on Dunkin. Nuff said.
• The color yellow. Last year, we thanked the color green, which then got really snotty and did not reciprocate by thanking humans. So I am no longer thankful for green, I am throwing my support behind yellow. Paid for by the committee to thank yellow.
• My fingers. I am thankful that year after year, they are here to support me and my need to type things. A special shout out to left pinky this year. He knows why.
• Q-Tips. I would lose my mind if Q-Tips did not exist. If I run out of Q-Tips I have to make an emergency run to the store to get some because I cannot go two days in a row without Q-Tips.
• Pilot EasyTouch Medium pens. There is no other pen on the planet I like as much as these, so I am thankful to the Pilot company. The Pilot Precise V5 is a close second, but it is not the EasyTouch, available at fine retailers everywhere.
• Crispy bacon. If you are like me, you know that you don’t even have to explain it. I like to pretend I am living in Little House on the Prairie days when they had bacon for every meal. Bacon and potatoes, but the potatoes didn’t have butter or sour cream, so that is right out. But maybe they had crusty bread and some cheese or something with their bacon. Baaaaacooooooooon.

So there you go. Cut this list out or copy it onto your hand with a Sharpie so that you’ll have something to say when it’s your turn. Gobble Gobble!

Saturday Junior and I took a quick trip to the grocery store to get our basic stuff, not specifically for turkey day supplies because (and here is what I am thankful for) my mom “does” Thanksgiving dinner. We will make brownies and green bean casserole and a rice dish, but that is nothing compared to the pies and the turkey, gravy, mashed potatoes, etc. that she does. Thank you mom! So while in the store, I told him we needed to buy items to bring to the food pantry for the people who cannot afford to go shopping for a Thanksgiving meal. We filled a section of the cart with items – boxes of stuffing stuffing, jars of gravy, cranberry sauce, cooking oil, veggies, broth and something else I know I’m forgetting. I didn’t even bother counting up how much was there.

When we got home, we pulled all those items out and put them in a large shopping bag – you know, the kind you get from Macy’s with the handles? I was afraid the handles were going to break. Then we drove the bag over to Ginny’s on Mechanic Street in Leominster. Ginny White is a Saint, I tell you, and Ginny’s Food Pantry (and the thrift shop) are my charity of choice, especially because it goes right back into my own community. She was more than happy to take our bag of supplies (and $20 cash I gave her to go toward turkey or whatever they were short on). She told me that they were handing out the food baskets, which were actually cardboard boxes, some of which already lined one wall, Sunday and Monday. So hopefully our donation helped out. And we will do it again in a couple of weeks. I know that this is the time of year that people actually think about donating, which is great, but hunger happens 365 days a year, so my goal is that we will make this a once a month activity for the whole year. I also like to donate what I consider “staples” that are a little pricey, but necessary for cooking. I like to donate cooking oil, spices, mayonnaise, ketchup, things like that. I also like to donate toiletries, detergent, etc. which is SO expensive but SO necessary. As I said when I ran a toiletry drive at a company I used to work for – if I had to choose between razor blades and deodorant or a jar of peanut butter to feed my kids, the peanut butter would win. But without the razor blades and deodorant, it might be impossible for me to find work so that I can actually afford to keep my family fed. It’s a huge balancing act, and I like to help tip it in someone’s favor.

Anyway, this is just a public service announcement to remind everyone to keep an eye out for your own local food pantry this holiday season.

I are famous! Well, as famous as I can expect to be. C. Monks, who contributes to McSweeney’s, has material he wrote included in their new book. People Magazine reviewed the book, and used one of his pieces in the review. I commented on the review in People Magazine, and C. commented on my comment. Now what I think I need to close the loop is for McSweeney’s to review my website, or something like that.

Utter Wonder: The Idle Thoughts Of C. Monks

Oldies 103 is already playing Christmas music 24/7. Why don’t they just play it all year long? Sheesh.

I adore Christmas music, you know I do. But 24 hours a day and not even Thanksgiving?