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Imaginary Follow-Up Conversation with the Hamster

Posted on by The Jody

Me: So, you awake in there?

Izzy: Zzzzzzzzzz

Me: [poke poke]

Izzy: Hey! Oh, it’s you.

Me: Ya, it’s me. Who were you expecting?

Izzy: The short one. He sneaks me sunflower seeds when you aren’t looking. By the way, my ass is huge, I’m scared I won’t fit in the tubes soon.

Me: I’ll be sure to let him know.

Izzy: So what’s doin’?

Me: I wanted to talk to you about the purse thing.

Izzy: Oh, right. That.

Me: Ya, that. You know, that was my favorite Vera Bradley purse.

Izzy: I didn’t know that. You never told me.

Me: I shouldn’t have had to.

Izzy: Also, it was dark. And the thing was leaning against my cage. How was I supposed to know?

Me: I don’t know. I guess once you tasted it, could you have maybe thought to yourself “hey, this isn’t a food product”?

Izzy: Those pink things you put in my cage don’t taste like food products either, you know.

Me: Those are for you to gnaw on, so your teeth don’t grow out of control.

Izzy: Maybe I thought that’s what the strap was.

Me: …

Izzy: Well maybe it was!

Me: …

Izzy: Are you done? If I don’t get back to sleep I won’t be able to run in my wheel all night.

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The Story of the Little Hamster that The Mom of the House Threatened to Kill

Posted on by The Jody

Izzy is cute, that’s for sure. She should get down on her knees and thank the good Lord above that she is, and that I love my son, her owner, because she would have been released into the snowy wild this morning if I had my way.

You see, in the middle of the night I had to go and move her cage because she had decided to move all of her bedding and a lot of her food into the “wheel” section of her cage. And when she decided to run in it in the middle of the night, all the bedding fell back out into the tube and left only the seeds, which rattled around as she ran. And ran. And ran. It was like someone shaking a pair of maracas.

So at one in the morning, I stumbled downstairs with the cage, shoved stuff out of the way and put the cage on the counter. I then stumbled back upstairs to try to fall back to sleep.

This morning Mr. Dump broke the news to me that I hadn’t pushed things quite far enough out of the way, and Izzy spent a large portion of the night chewing through the strap of a [discontinued] Vera Bradley purse that she had pulled in through the wire of the cage.

I am so very very very angry with her. There had better be a letter of apology on the door of her cage when I get home tonight.

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The Value of Hiring Proofers

Posted on by The Jody

Junior has inherited my poor spelling skills, if the test I had to sign today because the score was so bad is any indication. I seem to have forged out a life for myself despite the fact that I had to use spell check to make sure I spelled “despite” correctly. (I did.)

Of course, out in the real world, being a lousy speller can embarrass you in front of millions. Check out this ABC News Headline (from their RSS feed, captured on Google)

Stox? Is this person a Boston native? Because yes, I do find myself having a bit of a problem if I have to write the word “socks” when not referring to the local baseball team.

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Secret Quiz of the Day

Posted on by The Jody

Okay, quick, tell me what this is:

click
click
click
click
click
click
click
click
click
click
click
click
click
click
click
click

If you guessed “Mr. Dump playing Guitar Hero with the television muted” you’d be right!

My God, that is just a horrifying treat for the whole family if only one person is playing and the others are surfing the web on their laptops while they sit in the recliner, pondering the meaning of life and re-doing the household budget so that there is a small amount of cash available so that you can eat dinner at Chilis because you have a fierce addiction to their chips and salsa. (Yes, I am reduced to wanting to spend money on chips and salsa. I think that’s better than trying to figure out how to get $400 to buy a replacement video camera, anyway.)

Anyhoo, thank you for playing. And someone promise me that a version of Guitar Hero for Wii will come out with something other than “Legends of Rock” or whatever this is. I hate 80% of the songs on here, and if I have to listen to Miss Murder one more time I’m going to scream. I have an idea. They should come out with a classical guitar version of G.H. You could play like Andres Segovia or something.

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