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Lincoln French Fry

Lincoln French Fry

Joan: Welcome, hot off the menu, the Lincoln French Fry!

Lincoln French Fry: Thanks Joan! It’s a pleasure. A real pleasure

Joan: We are so pleased you had time in your schedule to speak to us.

LFF: I love the people.

Joan: I think the question everyone in America wants to ask you right now is this: Are you edible?

LFF: That’s the question? Not “how did I end up looking like Lincoln?”

Joan: Well, that too.

LFF: Yes, I’m edible. And I don’t know how I ended up looking like Lincoln. If you know anything about the McDonald’s Corporation, you know that there’s just no room for individuality. I guess I’m less of a miracle and more of a complete mess-up by someone working Quality Control. I think I remember seeing the nametag “Daisy” on the person standing by the belt as I slid by, but it all happened so fast.

Joan: So “Daisy” didn’t notice you weren’t squared off, and there you went, into the fryer?

LFF: Yep. And then into the deep freeze and the packaging department. Boom boom boom next think I know, I’m being drowned in hot oil, salted, and thrown under a warming light. Thank goodness Americans eat so damned many french fries. I got boxed up and bagged pretty quickly.

Joan: And lucky for you, the person who bought you noticed you look like Lincoln.

LFF: I was honored that he even noticed me, instead of shoveling me into his gaping maw with 10 or 15 other fries. That’s how we usually get eaten.

LFF: Joan?

Joan: Oh, I’m sorry, I was just looking at your profile again and thinking of how hungry I am.

LFF: I’m worth a LOT of money over on Yahoo! Auctions. Like 22 thousand right now. And I was on tv in a commercial that cost over a million dollars to air! I am not just a french fry, any more. I am The Lincoln Fry. I have my own website!

LFF: Hello?

Joan: I didn’t have any lunch.

LFF: Security!

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Jodyland

It’s Tuesday here in Jodyland. I remind myself of that because I don’t want to have one of those screw-ups where I think the week is further along than it is. I hate that.

In Jodyland today, we are happy to combine Mardi Gras with the Pat’s parade. I will be celebrating neither from my little cubicle world, but I am aware that these things are going on around me. I have not seen anyone drinking hurricanes or passing out beads around the office, but it’s still early.

We are also keeping our eye on the ratzen fratzen weather reports that say we may get another 6-12 on Thursday. I have no idea what that’s going to do to the spaghetti supper at school Thursday night. I assume there will be some kind of note going home with all the kids telling us what will happen in case of a big storm. At least they started talking about this one a few days ahead of time, so people can get mentally and physically prepared. Me? I’ve got an unopened container of onion dip and a bag of chips, so I’ll get through any storm just fine.

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Best Commercials

My pick is hands-down the Ameriquest Kitty commercial. I’m sure some people are already writing Congress or whatever it is loons do. That commerical was brilliantly conceived and brilliantly shot. We rewound that sucker right away on the Tivo.

Runner up was P. Diddy’s Diet Pepsi truck commercial. That one made me giggle each time it was on. Oh my God, how on-target was that? Fantastic.

Third place? Uh….I guess….I’m going to give it to CareerBuilder. But who doesn’t love monkeys?

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Good Morning, Sunshine!

Ahh, what a lovely day! I don’t even care that the school bus was 15 minutes late this morning. I don’t! And why is that, you ask? Well, because the Pats won, they have nothing more to prove to anyone. Man, do these guys get no respect or what? Even as they are pulling off an unbelievable third win in four years, even as our coach breaks the record for winning the most games in the post-season, the analysts are talking about Terrell Owens, etc.

Whatever. You can try to dismiss this team all you want, but I think we proved our point.

Oh, and besides, we’re supposed to get some record-breaking warmth today, and 55 degrees in February is cause for major celebration, regardless of a Superbowl win.

Before I forget, here’s picture I took with my phone at Junior’s ski lesson. He moved up to the next level, and all the kids ended up skiing for an extra hour after their hour lesson was over. He LOVED it. And my nephew looks like an old pro. After 5 total lessons, I’d say he’s almost ready for the big mountain. Holy cow, that kid is good. It almost made me want to take lessons. Almost. I think if I was going to do it, I’d have to take the morning off from work and do it when nobody else was around. Because yes, I’m that embarrassed. But we stood there for 2 hours and my feet started to freeze and I started to think about how much time I’m going to end up at a mountain trying to keep amused while he’s skiing. I mean, he’s only 7 – I can’t just leave him there.


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I Hate This Stuff

Man, less than two minutes left and I just have a gnawing feeling in the pit of my stomach. Well, I mean, it’s not as bad as watching the Sox play the Yanks last October, but still, I hate close games like this.

And I know the gnawing isn’t from hunger because I cooked a most amazing dinner this evening, if I do say so myself. This morning while we had breakfast out, I asked Mr. Dump what he wanted for his birthday dinner. “Beef Stroganoff.” “Seriously?” “Ya. And garlic bread.”

So while we sat there, I looked up a recipe on Epicurious, and then we stopped at Shaws on the way home and got all the stuff (except for the red wine, cause, well, they don’t sell it) and tonight I made beef stroganoff from scratch. And it was damned good. Which is bad because now he’s gonna think I can cook.

Okay, we just have to make it through the next minute and forty three seconds. This is the longest two minutes of 2005. Unless you count that time I really had to pee and I was stuck in traffic.

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