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Treadmill

Interview with a Treadmill

Joan: Continuing “Let’s Get Healthy” Month here in the Interviews, we welcome treadmill!

Treadmill: Thank you so much! It’s a pleasure to be here.

Joan: You enjoy interviews?

Treadmill: Frankly, you’re the first.

Joan: Well isn’t that something! I can’t imagine that you don’t have a lot to say.

Treadmill: I think that’s part of the problem. I have a lot to say, and most people are afraid I’ll say it.

Joan: What are they afraid of?

Treadmill: That I’ll dish their dirt. Shameful secrets. Name names.

Joan: Name names?

Treadmill: Oh ya. A treadmill sees a lot, you know. If we’re in a health club, watch out. I could turn your hair gray. And then the home treadmill isn’t blind either. Lots going on behind closed doors, if you know what I mean.

Joan: Can you give us a taste?

Treadmill: You sure?

Joan: Very sure.

Treadmill: Well, down at the health club, I can tell you that a certain married man scopes out the babes on the ellipticals and chats them up later, offering dinner and drinks to the gals with the tightest asses. And Thomas Berreault doesn’t wipe me down after his run.

Joan: Never?

Treadmill: Never. Oh, and a Mrs. C. Alpern of Vermont Ave weighs 40 pounds more than she says she does.

Joan: No!

Treadmill: Oh yes. I know she enters 140 when programming me, but that’s 180 pounds of woman right there.

Joan: This is incredibly enlightening!

Treadmill: Can I have time to say one more thing to your readers?

Joan: The floor is yours!

Treadmill: Please people, I’m not a closet. Get your damned clothes off me. I’m tired of holding your bras and ties. I’m a highly sensitive and advanced piece of health equipment. If you don’t cut the shit, I swear, everything else we seen in your bedroom gets out on the internet.

Joan: Thanks for the warning, I’ll get right on that.

Treadmill: Please do.

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A Taste of Summer

Well, what a weekend! 90 yesterday, high 80s the day before…thank God my sister has a pool, that’s all I have to say. There has been no change in Junior’s love for her swimming pool, and he spent most of the weekend submerged. Saturday was my nephews birthday party, so now they are both 7. A very cool age to be, by the way.

It’s dank and dreary this morning…the temperature is about 30 degrees colder right now than it was yesterday afternoon. I guess that kind of helps with the going back to work and school stuff. At dinner last night everyone was saying they didn’t want to head back to reality today.

Looking at this weeks weather, it only makes sense that Junior has a baseball game scheduled for the yuckiest day of the week. Could he have it today when it won’t hit 70? NoooOOoooo. We’ll wait until tomorrow when it’s 85 and muggy. That’s perfect. Well, to be fair, some of the weather websites show a nicer week than others. I’ll go with those, given a choice, and his game later in the week might not be so bad. Only a couple of weeks left, and I can’t say I’ll miss it. It’s just really hard to be involved in something where he has to be there for 5 when you work for a living. It’s not like I can get to work any earlier than I do – I have to wait until the bus picks him up. So that means doing a little extra work at home after the game or on other days of the week to make up time. Fun!

Other than that…someone remind me to catch up on laundry, ‘kay?

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Face First

I think it’s pollen-y outside today. My face is starting to hurt. You know, that cheekbone pressure everyone knows and loves? I just took some Tylenol Sinus so don’t be surprised if I fall face-first dead asleep on my keyboard. I warned you.

The sinus facial pressure also triggered one of those muscle twitch things that I usually get in my eyelid, only this time it’s on my cheek. I can’t begin to describe to you how annoying this is. It’s like Chinese water torture, actually. I assume whatever’s causing the pressure in my sinuses is pressing on something vital.

I think the only upside to this is that I probably look like a crazy person, with my cheek all twitchy. I’m glad I don’t have any meetings today because you know that everyone in the room would just be staring at my face. I really don’t need that.

The other thing is that my hair smelled like that of a fry cook this morning. I was stuck working in the snack booth at the Little League field last night, and they cook fries, fried dough, chicken fingers and the like in the hot oil. Eventually, I reeked of it. After I got out of the shower and got dressed, I realized my hair still smelled like food. Enough that I actually wondered if I forgot to shampoo. Ick ick ick. So I went for the stronger-smelling shampoo (the kind that smells like bum except I still have a bottle of the pre-bum formula) and washed it again. It still smells a little bit, but I put it up with a hair clip so I can’t smell it anymore. So I’m the twitchy-faced person who smells like ballpark chicken fingers. Mmmm.

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My Timing is Good

Looks like the sale of Whalom Park (1893-2000) will now officially go through, given that the ongoing suits that were holding it up were just settled. According to the Sentinel, the sale will be finalized by 2006. There is a hint in one of the articles that they might have to knock down what’s there because it’s a fire hazard. I think I may have to go back and take some more pictures from across the street, etc.

The developer has also said that he wants to try to keep some of the buildings to have a sort of amusement park feel. If I pay 500k for a condo, I probably don’t want a fried-dough booth next door. Just a thought.

I guess it’s really the end then. Stories are available (for now) at the Sentinel.
Possible Condos May Keep Whalom Theme
Whalom Park Sale Can Go Forward

This sucks.

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