Author: The Jody

I may be the only person I know who can get injured by oatmeal.

I’m just saying.

(Okay, it was hot, cooked oatmeal, and it landed on my finger and gave me an ouchie. But still, it counts as an oatmeal injury.)

It’s been far too long between Little House on the Prairie books. I know that they’re probably labor-intensive, what with the small words and the big print. Maybe it’s the illustrations (which really, are some of the best ever done for chapter books – far far better than the Harry Potter illustrations). But because Laura Ingalls Wilder is taking so very very long to get the next book to her publisher, I’m going to step up to the plate and write my own, just like I am volunteering for HP7.

Let’s see. Manly and Laura are married, and their daughter Rose was born. Their house burned down but they saved the “Give Us This Day Our Daily Bread” plate. Okay, got it.

Okay, the book starts out with Laura announcing to Manly that she’s tired of being a stay-at-home mom, she wants to move to New York and try her hand as a Rockette. She tells him that there’s no future in farming, and that if he comes with her, he might be able to find work as a male model in the clothing district. He agrees to come with her for one year – if she doesn’t have any success, she agrees to move back to the dirt farm and feed the chickens until she dies. Hilarity ensues.

In case JK Rowling has a hand cramp, I’m willing to take a stab. I’ve made some notes.

The next book is going to be wildly different. Nobody goes back to Hogwarts. Instead they buy a van, paint it and call it the Magic Machine…Harry Hermoine, Ron, Ginny, Hagrid and their dog, Scooby Doo.

Sure, there’s an extra human. Ron can be Don Knotts.

How am I supposed to enjoy my salad here at my contrct job when they don’t have green olives available to me?

I am crushed.

Other than that, I’m busy. But no green olives, damnit!

You people (and you know who you are) who crab and moan about Manny and say they should trade him? Pthbthbthbth. I love Manny. At least once a game, I say it out loud. I love Manny. Manny being Manny doesn’t bother me, either. I don’t see what the big frigging deal is, and was actually shocked when they booed him the other night.

Good for Manny, winning the game for us today. All the people ranting about Manny can kiss my butt. Twice. Jim Rice was dead-on in his post-game comments – you can’t trade Manny unless you get someone just as good or better than him. Manny is a good player, and that’s that. So what if he does “Manny” stuff. What’s the problem? Jealous that you aren’t him? Cause I’ll just bet all those people who’ve been ranting on the phones this week have been or done worse at their own jobs. Boston fans had better get a grip. And the Sports Radio guys should take a Valium.

Also, I dropped a bunch of money at Filene’s today, and darn it, I’m happy. Here’s another “pthbthbthb” to Federated for the impending wipe-out of a great chain.