Author: The Jody

Okay, can someone here tell me how to speak the following in dog language so my pupster will understand me?

Please stop crapping on the floor. It’s not nice. The living room is not your personal toilet. And while we’re at it, who taught you to jump over the wall of your pen? You’re not supposed to be jumping while the stitches heal. You could get a hernia. We put you in the pen for your own good. Stop escaping in the middle of the night and crapping on the floor. Thank you.

Um, so guess what we’ve been up to?

Oh, and the link to my nano blog is the same as it was before, even though I haven’t written in it for 2 years – you can enjoy walking through the archives while you wait for Nano 2005 to begin. Also, if you are a regular here at the dump (there will be a quiz if you respond to this and I don’t know who you are) and would like write access to the nano blog so you can post too – we can make it a group blog! Just let me know in the comments, and I’ll contact you offline.

Ya, I’m going to put myself through this yet again.

Oh, he’s got the saddest face in the world! I just want to go out and buy him lots of toys and treats and anything else he wants.

The whole cone on the head thing makes me feel so BAD for him! But he won’t leave his stitches alone…in fact, I can’t tell if he got to them or not. Little poop figured out a way to lick his wounds even with the plastic cone around his head.

We have to put up with this for two weeks? Oy vey…

Here, for your viewing pleasure, a short play I call “Imaginary Conversation Between Man and Dog.” You can feel free to act this out in the privacy of your own home.

Mr. Dump: Okay, time to get in the car.
Phantom: Screw you.
Mr. Dump: What? It’s time to go to doggie daycare!
Phantom: Screw you.
Mr. Dump: This is because of Monday, isn’t it? Don’t worry, we’re not going to the vet this time.
Phantom: Screw you.
Mr. Dump: Look, we had to have them removed. That guy from the Price is Right said so.
Phantom: Screw you.
Mr. Dump: And we had no idea they were going to pull two of your baby teeth. While you were there.
Phantom: Screw you.
Mr. Dump: We assume it’s because your adult teeth were coming in. They don’t remove things for no reason.
Phantom: Screw you.
Mr. Dump: And you only have to wear that cone on your head because you won’t leave your stitches alone…
Phantom: Screw you.

Fin

We didn’t have soccer yesterday. I had a feeling that would be the case, given that by the time they played the third games of the day after 10 days of rain, it would have been the mudbowl out there. 50mph wind gusts would have just added to the fun. I think part of the decision to call was just to save the sod. They have 4 fields, and our in-town league plays three games in each field on Sunday, 12:30, 1:30 and 2:30. So you’ve got all the parents with chairs, etc., the siblings running around, plus the little team members running around. The grass would have been destroyed. I don’t know how much it costs to reseed, but I think it wise to just let the field dry out, y’know?

So we went pumpkin picking. Before I left the house for my sister’s, I thought “I’ll be it will be muddy” so I packed boots. Junior has those good rubber rain boots. I need to get a pair of those. Because 5 of us went out into basically a pumpkin swamp. There was 2-3 inches of standing water in places, and where there wasn’t water, there was mud. You’d step on land that looked fine, and sink 5 or so inches in, and water would gush over your shoe. My hiking boots, it turns out, are not waterproof. I was a soaking mess. The mud tried to rip off my boots and almost succeeded. And then there were the winds…so you can imagine we looked fantastic by the time we left. And then we noticed a bunch of people picking pumpkins on the hill behind where you pay. You know, a hill where the water would run off so it probably wasn’t muddy.
“Why didn’t you tell us we could go up there and not down to the “lake”?”
“Oh, all the big pumpkins are down there.”

I don’t recall telling anyone we were looking for big pumpkins! Sigh.

(The plus side to all of this was walking through the mud was a good workout, plus I stole a brand new pair of socks from my sister. Win-Win!

p.s. Phantom is having his jingle bells removed right now. I can’t tell you how guilty I feel. But not as guilty as I would if he knocked up some other dog. He was getting cozy with a basset hound at doggie daycare. I do not want to see a litter of bassetpoo (Cockahound?) puppies.