Author: The Jody

I have to defend Fluff. Some moron at the State House has taken it upon himself to start a personal crusade against God’s favorite food, Marshmallow Fluff.

I buy it, and not for Junior. He doesn’t really eat peanut butter.

I buy it for me.

The part I need to set straight is the “sugar and chemicals” summary statements. Sugar, sure, but no chemicals. Here are the ingredients:
Corn syrup
Sugar
Dried egg white
Vanillin.

That’s it. No fat, no sodium. 15g of carbs, 9g of sugars.

So lets look at grape jelly. I have some Smuckers. Grape juice, high fructose corn syrup, corn syrup, pectin, citric acid and sodium citrate. That gives us no fat, 5mg of sodium, 13g of carbs, 12g of sugars.

So when will they be banning jelly? Side by side, Fluff is “better” for you.

stupid humans, have you nothing better to do? I have an idea – take the money you would spend trying to get this passed and add it back to the school lunch budgets. I can’t even feed my family a healthy meal on the pittance the cafeteria managers have to work with. That’s the REAL problem.

Okay, so I saw this bumper sticker on a truck this morning. I can’t fathom a guy voluntarily putting it on. Maybe the wife snuck out in the middle of the night and did it when he was sleeping. Or else it’s his punishment for some really horrible thing he did.

I don’t think I’d make Mr. Dump put one of those on his car. Not that he would. Maybe I should ask him.

[As a side note, it might have been a woman driving the truck. Which made me jump to the conclusion that it was a lesbian couple (and that would make perfect sense because it would be a political statement AND the type of thing a woman would be more likely to be willing to put on a car.) Of course, it could have been the guy’s wife borrowing his truck. So many questions.]

Okay, so I saw this bumper sticker on a truck this morning. I can’t fathom a guy voluntarily putting it on. Maybe the wife snuck out in the middle of the night and did it when he was sleeping. Or else it’s his punishment for some really horrible thing he did.

I don’t think I’d make Mr. Dump put one of those on his car. Not that he would. Maybe I should ask him.

[As a side note, it might have been a woman driving the truck. Which made me jump to the conclusion that it was a lesbian couple (and that would make perfect sense because it would be a political statement AND the type of thing a woman would be more likely to be willing to put on a car.) Of course, it could have been the guy’s wife borrowing his truck. So many questions.]

Wait, is it “Do Your Ears Hang Low” or “Turkey in the Straw?” Or are those both the same tune?

Either way, I’m very thrilled to report the highlight of my whole week happened today. Nothing better can possibly happen. I had an ice cream truck in my driveway! (Crappy cell phone picture ahead – but I’m kind of impressed with the colors in this crappy picture.)

I accidentally purchased the wrong thing at the store last week. I meant to buy little cups of peaches for Junior to take in his lunch, but what I grabbed was the little mandarin orange cups. Same color, wrong fruit.

I took one to work with me today to see what they are like. And now I will pass the savings on to you.

They aren’t “oh kill me now” bad, but there is something seriously wrong with buying these. For one thing, they’re packed in the same “syrup” as peaches. So you’ve got your strong, sweet [peachy] juice. I drank that right out of the cup because I didn’t want to walk all the way to the cafeteria to get a spoon, so I have to pick out the oranges with my fingers.

Somehow, picking one of them up makes me feel like I’m on Fear Factor eating sea slugs or something. They are a really floppy consistency, and kind of soft. I do think eating bugs would feel a lot like this. Also, they don’t really taste like oranges. I assume floating in peach syrup will do that to you. So in conclusion, why the hell wouldn’t you just buy a few actual mandarin oranges? This is NOT the way to go, on any planet.

Mmm. Sea slugs.