Author: The Jody

The Department of the Division of the Unit of Heat and Humidity.gov has issued the following tips to “beat the heat” during the next two days. These important safety tips should be noted by all and put into immediate use.

1. No matter how tempting, do not accept Mel Gibson’s offer of taking a ride in his convertible to cool off, especially if you are not a white Christian male.
2. Even if they offer you an extra ten dollars, do not take any job that involves the words “roofing” “road crew” or “lava pit tour guide.”
3. If you must spend any time outside, erect an air conditioned tent around yourself.
4. Avoid wearing clothes in the following colors of any hue: red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo, violet, black, white.
5. Remove all heat-related songs from your iPod. On a related note, do not listen to the local radio stations as the DJs will be cute and play songs like “Hot, Hot, Hot”.
6. Gas up early in the day in case there are heat-related power outages. Remember, plenty of people live in their cars all year round, so you can at least handle an afternoon in yours. That’s why you got that portable DVD player installed in the minivan, right?
7. Grind up your meals into a liquid and pour into ice cube trays. Freeze for 2 or more hours. hamburgcicles and iced chicken crunchies are a cool treat.

This should be enough to get you started. Remember, if you are stupid and choose to mow your lawn today or tomorrow, we cannot be held responsible for what happens to you. It’s just a lawn, for goodness’ sake. Are you a mental case?

Okay, too damned hot to do anything today, and due to circumstances I shouldn’t discuss in a public forum but let’s just say if you grew up in the 70s, using these products would allow me to go horseback riding, I didn’t want to go tubing.

But we entertained ourselves as best we could, and we started to enjoy the new Animaniacs dvd set…5 DVDs……whoooooooooo! If I was writing this on my computer, I’d make that a link to Amazon and make a buck if you bought a copy. So use my link over on the right…

I’m trying to find something fun to do this weekend. I think our family could use a little fun (for reasons I can’t really get into here right now) in our lives. I thought my step-kids were going to join us, because we haven’t seen them for what seems like months, but apparently they don’t feel like they need to spend any time with us. Very sad, but what are you going to do?

So suggestions for this weekend people. Let’s see them. We already have a couple of ideas in the running, including Canobe Lake Park, Six Flags and cleaning the tub. Add your suggestions to the comments.

Just when I was getting into the swing of the weekend, we get Monday dumped on us. Rather unceremoniously, I might add.

I want a do-over. It’s not that I wasted the weekend, but I want an extra scoop or two. If the weekend was ice cream, it is like I was handed a kiddie cone and then after only a couple of licks the whole thing fell into the dirt before I could even enjoy it.

And it was *good* ice cream too – something with an animal in the name. Moose tracks, or purple cow or aardvaark ears or something like that. Saturday is no Plain Jane scoop of vanilla frozen yoghurt.

I demand a replacement cone with two scoops and sprinkles, dammit.

Oh my gosh, taking a picture of the tomato plant was a stroke of genius, because one of them is turning red! It’s a pale peachy color right now. I’m so excited!

So the question is, do I tell my parents? Because maybe they’d want me to share with them. I’m loking for new flowers to make sure my whole crop for 2006 isn’t just what’s on the plant today. I want tomatos until the first frost!