Month: March 2006

Hey, it’s Happy Feet LaFerriere here.

Unlike some women, I don’t own 400 pair of shoes (*winks at Christine*). Well, I have a lot of shoes that I never wear because they don’t fit or they are old but I have this thing in the part of my brain where all the imprinting occured that prevents me from throwing out clothing. It’s a sin, I think. There are naked people out there waiting for clothes from me. But because I never get around to piling it all in bags and dropping it off, it sits in the closet forever. Stuff I will never ever ever ever wear again. But it has to stay in the closet until I process it because I’m pretty sure my mom will know the moment I drop a pair of pants in the trash.

Mom: Jody?
Jody: Yes?
Mom: There was a tremor on the Bat-monitor. What did you just do?
Jody: [pause] Nothing.
Mom: Try again.
Jody: [longer pause]: Nothing.
Mom: I’m your mother. Tell me what you just did.
Jody: I threw away a pair of pants.
Mom: I’ll be right there.

This is my excuse for why my house is such a mess. We can’t throw anything away, ever. We either have to donate it or have a yard sale. So technically, the crap that’s everywhere is just waiting for a yard sale. Ya, that’s it. That’s the reason.

I’m going to drag a bunch of stuff down to the sidewalk and put a sign on it that says “Free to a good home”. Maybe the guy who pulls all the cans out of my recycle bin would like a Hot Wheels Speedway.

And then, there’s Junior, who won’t play with something for 40 years, so I decide to get rid of it, and he pulls it out and plays with it. Yesterday he amused himself with a toy I thought we’d already given away, a Power Rangers Command Center thingy. I don’t even know where he got it, but suddenly my kitchen floor (which I washed Friday night, thank you very much) was covered with Power Ranger crap. Oh, and before that he took a big cardboard box and had me cut it so that he could make cubicle walls. He was pretending to work in an office. How sad is that? It was funny to listen to them talk on the phone in “business-speak”. He adopted this odd accent and was referring to himself in the 3rd person. I think I’ll try that at my meeting this afternoon.

So wait, where was I going with this? Oh, I picked up 2 new pair of shoes over the weekend, which is amazing for me. I have been known to wear the same shoes for years. But with my birthday money from mom, I was supposed to buy two pair (because I kept saying “I need to get a new pair of shoes). I got one, a pair of Clarks clogs. Saturday we were in Wrentham and they have a Clarks outlet store. It was all I could do to not buy the place out. I got two pair of clogs/mules and a pair of sandels, because we mustn’t forget that it will be sandel weather in mere weeks. Oh, and I got my step-daughter a pair of the same sandels. Which means that I picked out something that wasn’t dorky because she wanted a pair. I’m so proud of me!

We bought the Phantomnator a bone. Cause he’s a dog and we’ve been watching cartoons our whole life. Dogs like bones. They bury them, and they dig them up. They eat them like they are potato chips. Cartoons were so great at explaining how the world works!

So we bought him this bone at Target today, to make up for the fact that we left him in the crate for a large part of yesterday. We were out and about for a chunk of the middle of the day and he’s still too destructive to leave alone in the house without crating.

Anyhoo, the bone is gross and stinky. Very stinky. It smells sort of like feet. Mr. Dump said “Dead feet” and I think he’s right. So I have to figure out how to get the bone away from the dog and into the trash. I fear it smells so bad that little Mr. Nose is going to know exactly what I’m up to.

Ick ick ick. If we get him another one of those, he’s going to have to eat it outside.

HellOOOOOO! March? Jody here. Have you been playing with the thermostat? CUT IT OUT.

In other news, I got stuck behind two different school busses on the way to work today. This NEVER happens to me, even though I have to drive through 3 (!) elementary school zones every morning. That’s right, three chances to drive 20mph per day. And don’t you dare think about going faster than that in Townsend, baby, cause the police station is in the middle of the 20mph zone and if you don’t think they are out there, you’re insane.

Okay, so I got stuck behind busses, which I could deal with. What floored me is that both of them ended up turning off the road, and neither used turn signals. Shouldn’t the drivers of school busses be extra careful? The Lunenburg school bus took a left-hand turn without signaling, and the Townsend school bus took a right. No blinkers. If they had both been from the same school district I would have picked up the phone right then and there, but something about it being one of each made me not as phone-happy. Plus I didn’t note the bus numbers.

Anyway, bus drivers of the world – you are carrying our children in your big yellow death machines. Do me a favor and follow ALL the laws, not just the ones you find convenient.

My first crush, Jack Wild, died of oral cancer. He lived a long hard life, and looked every inch of it in recent years, but to me, he’ll always be Jimmy, trying to get off Living Island. [insert obligatory “and now he has” comment here].

My page doesn’t seem to be loading correctly, so this post is just a push to republish. Feel free to use this time to grab yourself a Poptart.