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Magic Bullet

Joan: Don’t fear, this isn’t the magic bullet from the bedside table! Welcome, Magic Bullet blender system!

Magic Bullet: Hello!

Joan: Do you get that a lot?

Magic Bullet: The confusion? Yes, actually. It’s quite embarrassing, actually. You know, if you don’t spend a lot of time browsing in those kinds of stores, well, you might not even know that a magic bullet is a vibrator.

Joan: {giggles} I guess maybe if you weren’t shaped like one…

Magic Bullet: I get that a lot. Trust me, I’m not.

Joan: But could I, you know, if I didn’t have the other kind?

Magic Bullet: No. No, you couldn’t. So don’t even try. It may not say it in the instruction manual, but let’s all assume that it does. Do not use me for purposes other than preparing food.

Joan: Well, can’t fault a girl for asking.

Magic Bullet: Well, I can. Because obviously I’m a blender system. I am the smoothie master.

Joan: I always like a smoothie after … you know …

Magic Bullet: I don’t think I needed to know that about you.

Joan: Well, now you do. My favorite is a little bit of canned peaches and canned pineapple (with the juice) mixed with ice cubes and a spoonful or two of vanilla yogurt. Hmmmm. Just thinking about it is making me…

Magic Bullet: Salsa. Or hummus. Nothing like hummus to make you feel less horny, eh?

Joan: No, hummus is very sexy too. Salsa not so much, but hummus is. Mmmmmmmm!

Magic Bullet: You know, I told them I didn’t want to do interviews with third-string reporters. I *told* them that. Do they listed to me? NoooOOooooo.

Joan: Wait, you think I’m third-string? I have to say, I am more than a little insulted.

Magic Bullet: I’m sorry you’re insulted, but I didn’t come here to talk about how sexy hummus is. Or salsa. Or pesto.

Joan: Pesto, not so much.

Magic Bullet: Can we just end this now? I’ve had enough.

Joan: Ladies and gentleman, the Magic Bullet is available everywhere they sell fine infomercial products!