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How to Properly Suck Up to Me

By the way, for those of you looking for a way to totally suck up to me and get me to be your Best Friend for Life (sm), J-Lo’s old engagement ring from Ben is up for sale. I have a finger all picked out for it.

Shiney shiney diamondy goodness!

I finally took our holiday garden flag in yesterday, because it wasn’t stuck in the snow any more. Junior asked if I was going to put up a Valentine’s Day one, and I said I didn’t have a Valentine’s Day flag, but it would make a lovely gift.

He told me that he was thinking of getting me a ring, but that a flag is a good gift too, so maybe he’d get me one of those instead.

Man, did I just blow it or what?!

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Lincoln French Fry

Lincoln French Fry

Joan: Welcome, hot off the menu, the Lincoln French Fry!

Lincoln French Fry: Thanks Joan! It’s a pleasure. A real pleasure

Joan: We are so pleased you had time in your schedule to speak to us.

LFF: I love the people.

Joan: I think the question everyone in America wants to ask you right now is this: Are you edible?

LFF: That’s the question? Not “how did I end up looking like Lincoln?”

Joan: Well, that too.

LFF: Yes, I’m edible. And I don’t know how I ended up looking like Lincoln. If you know anything about the McDonald’s Corporation, you know that there’s just no room for individuality. I guess I’m less of a miracle and more of a complete mess-up by someone working Quality Control. I think I remember seeing the nametag “Daisy” on the person standing by the belt as I slid by, but it all happened so fast.

Joan: So “Daisy” didn’t notice you weren’t squared off, and there you went, into the fryer?

LFF: Yep. And then into the deep freeze and the packaging department. Boom boom boom next think I know, I’m being drowned in hot oil, salted, and thrown under a warming light. Thank goodness Americans eat so damned many french fries. I got boxed up and bagged pretty quickly.

Joan: And lucky for you, the person who bought you noticed you look like Lincoln.

LFF: I was honored that he even noticed me, instead of shoveling me into his gaping maw with 10 or 15 other fries. That’s how we usually get eaten.

LFF: Joan?

Joan: Oh, I’m sorry, I was just looking at your profile again and thinking of how hungry I am.

LFF: I’m worth a LOT of money over on Yahoo! Auctions. Like 22 thousand right now. And I was on tv in a commercial that cost over a million dollars to air! I am not just a french fry, any more. I am The Lincoln Fry. I have my own website!

LFF: Hello?

Joan: I didn’t have any lunch.

LFF: Security!

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Jodyland

It’s Tuesday here in Jodyland. I remind myself of that because I don’t want to have one of those screw-ups where I think the week is further along than it is. I hate that.

In Jodyland today, we are happy to combine Mardi Gras with the Pat’s parade. I will be celebrating neither from my little cubicle world, but I am aware that these things are going on around me. I have not seen anyone drinking hurricanes or passing out beads around the office, but it’s still early.

We are also keeping our eye on the ratzen fratzen weather reports that say we may get another 6-12 on Thursday. I have no idea what that’s going to do to the spaghetti supper at school Thursday night. I assume there will be some kind of note going home with all the kids telling us what will happen in case of a big storm. At least they started talking about this one a few days ahead of time, so people can get mentally and physically prepared. Me? I’ve got an unopened container of onion dip and a bag of chips, so I’ll get through any storm just fine.

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Best Commercials

My pick is hands-down the Ameriquest Kitty commercial. I’m sure some people are already writing Congress or whatever it is loons do. That commerical was brilliantly conceived and brilliantly shot. We rewound that sucker right away on the Tivo.

Runner up was P. Diddy’s Diet Pepsi truck commercial. That one made me giggle each time it was on. Oh my God, how on-target was that? Fantastic.

Third place? Uh….I guess….I’m going to give it to CareerBuilder. But who doesn’t love monkeys?

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