The Big DumpTruck

Throwing Little Thought Pebbles at Your Windshield Since 1996

Tag: scary

Oh, That Would Be My Luck

You know, this is why I don’t go skydiving. You can ask anyone, my sister, my husband…whenever we do something, I’m the one who gets the screwy equipment, or has the weird things happen. So if we all went skydiving, I would be the one with the dead instructor strapped to me.

I feel horrible for both people – especially the poor guy who died at 49(!) but really, that is just the kind of thing that keeps me from jumping out of a plane. Well, that and the fact that I would crap my pants if I had to jump out of a perfectly good plane.

In other airplane news, I finally got around to watching the National Geographic Channel special on Air Force One, and I now officially want to be President of the United States cause I really want to travel on that plane. It is sweeeeeeeeet! And the food looks pretty good too. Sure, there would be the pesky “leader of the free world” job responsibility crap, but it’s got beds! And a nice office for me! And they would give me a jacket with my name embroidered on it!

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Something I Don’t Have

I keep hearing these radio commercials for a company where you can send “your unwanted gold jewelry” and they will pay you for it. So many, many things wrong with this. Where to begin?

Okay, first off, who has unwanted gold jewelry? Even the stuff I don’t love I will hang on to, because, well, it’s gold jewelry. Really, let’s just be honest and say the target audience is people who are very hard up for money and happen to have some that they can sell. Or worst case (and you know this is happening) some little crackhead is stealing from grandma’s jewelry box for drug money.

Now gold has value, and given the quality of it, you can bring it to many jewelers who will weigh the gold and tell you what it’s worth. Some of them will even buy it from you (maybe not for full value – I wouldn’t know, I haven’t been selling my jewelry). And you can go to a pawn shop for the same thing. In both of those cases, you are right there in front of someone making the transaction. At what point do you figure you’ll put three necklaces in an envelope, send it to the radio company, and they’ll pay you for 2 necklaces? They say that all shipments are insured, but how does that work? How can you prove that you sent three? Does the person at the UPS store have to sign something as a witness?

I’m sorry, but does anyone really think that sending something in the mail to the company name advertised on the radio isn’t going to be noticed by anyone handling the envelope? There are dishonest people everywhere. Anyone who has ever heard the commercial is going to know there is gold in the package. I’d say the chances of you getting ripped off (by any definition of the phrase) is pretty high.

So let’s solve that problem. If you have unwanted gold jewelry, you send it to me, and I’ll send you back an autographed photo of me and my dog. Because the autographed photo is priceless, you will definitely be making a good decision to unload all that “unwanted” jewelry in my direction. Oh, and if you have unwanted diamonds or sapphires, I will throw in a 2 minute phone call to your cell phone. I am so giving.

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So This Is Why It’s So Expensive

There’s an article in today’s Telegram and Gazette that made me double check the date. Apparently Nestle Waters, the kind folks who deliver Poland Springs water right to my doorstep by the case, are looking at some aquifers in Clinton as a potential source for spring water. That’s right, I could be paying a premium for water coming from Clinton. I know, I know, Boston drinks Clinton water every day courtesy of the Wachusett Reservoir, but if you see a headline like “Clinton water may join Perrier” bells and sirens sort of go off. I’m just saying.

Of course, this news is offset with the news that Leominster water is not as good as it should be. There’s a byproduct of chlorinization called trihalomethanes that may cause an increase of cancer if they are consumed, inhaled, or absorbed through the skin. As in, you swim in it, get some steam up your nose when you’re cooking with it, or bath in it. Which we all do, or at least should. I’m not sure how to take this report. I’m not going to stop bathing, but this is not a comforting news story.

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