The Big DumpTruck

Throwing Little Thought Pebbles at Your Windshield Since 1996

Tag: fun

My New Ringtone

[*Updated to fix the broken links*]

I rule. I now have the Mr. Deity theme song as my ringtone, just like Mr. Deity does (except when he has Elton John’s “The Bitch is Back”).

“Who is Mr. Deity?” you ask?

Mr. Deity may be the greatest thing since sliced bread. If you really want a behind the scenes look at what it’s like to be The Deity and to create the heavens and earth and whether or not we’re really supposed to take Sundays off, you should hike over to the Mr. Deity site and either watch the copies there or download the podcast to take it with you wherever you go on your video-enabled iPod.

I’m still floored that something this good is available for free.

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Sad Sight on a Rainy Night


Sad Sight on a Rainy Night, originally uploaded by Big DumpTruck.

Saw this at the mall last night when I was running an errand. Hard to tell if it was coming or going, but I assume it’s up for the Mother’s Day crowd.

For the record, I do not want to go to a mall parking lot carnival for Mother’s Day. Sure, I’m a fan of mall parking lot carnivals in general, but not for Mother’s Day. Those are for Father’s Day.

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Autographs, $5 Each

Okay, all the cool kids probably knew this, but I’m a Hall of Famer. I’m a rock star. I’m a goodness-to-gracious web celeb. CMonks added me to his Hall of Fame over at Utter Wonder today.

This is the moment I’ve been dreaming of ever since I realized that you can’t be Miss America if you are older than 30 and have been married for 15 years. Well, I hit 15 years in 2 weeks, but you get my point.

I said to myself, “Self, if you can’t be Miss America, or be one of the kids who gets to be on the box of Kraft Macaroni and Cheese, you could at least be in the Hall of Fame at Utter Wonder because he has absolutely no requirements other than that you ask. And I can do that! I’m a good asker!”

So there I am.

And for the record, I do like dolphins. They are cool. Not as cool as rhinos, but hey, what is?

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The Entertainment Portion of Your Day

Here is the part of the website where I try to entertain you by making up a story and trying to convince you it’s absolutely true. Well, I will place two true “truthiness nuggets” in the story, and your job will be to try to determine which those are.

I was eating lunch at Johnny Rockets at the Burlington Mall when I realized I’d left my wallet in the car. This was not cool because, well, Mrs. Rocket was staring at me with a bill in her hand and I couldn’t very well tell her that I did not have any money. I scanned the restaurant to see if I knew anybody, and was shocked and amazed to see Mike Lowell eating a #12 with his family. It turns out Mike is a big fan of the “red red sauce” that they put on the #12, and he often eats there four or five times a week. Now me, if I was a big famous sports star, I would ask if they could hook me up with a bottle of the stuff, but maybe he just enjoys spending quality time at the mall. You never know.
But you thought I was going to ask Mike if he could cover my bill for me, right? Wrong. I could not do that. But what I could do is ask Mike if he was interested in buying my watch from me. It’s a Timex Ironman Triathlon watch with Indiglo, so you can tell what time it is in the dark. I told him I’d sell it to him for $19.65, which covered my bill plus a hearty 10% tip. (Only 10% because Mrs. Rockets forgot to bring me my fries and she forced me to do the ketchup all by myself instead of doing the first pour for me. Beeatch.
Mike inspected the watch for wear and tear and told me he’d give me a full twenty for it, which was fantastic. I didn’t want to give Mrs. Rockets the extra 35 cents, but I felt it would be awkward to ask her for it. But then, Mike Lowell paid for the watch using giant handfuls of change. I’m not even sure how he got all that change into his pockets. He may have been carrying it in some sort of man bag. And you should totally not make fun of him for carrying a man bag because on him it would look very very cool, unless it had some kind of Hello Kitty design on it. I’m not saying he’s partial to Hello Kitty, but really, could you blame the man? It’s so damned cute!
So I handed Mrs. Rockets the twenty, and thanked her for a lovely meal. On the way out of the restaurant I noticed they had a giant gumball machine. I love gumballs, and couldn’t believe I’d just tossed away that extra thirty five cents. All I needed for a gumball was twenty five cents, you see. So I made eye contact with Mike Lowell again and nodded toward the gumball machine. He got up from his table and came over to me, and used his manly baseball muscles to push over the huge gumball machine like it was so many Q-Tips. The ball on top shattered, and hundreds of gumballs flooded the entryway to Johnny Rockets. I gave Mike Lowell and thankful nod and as I grabbed a handful of gumballs, careful to avoid the ones with glass in them, I whispered “until next time.”

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A Little Slice of Heaven at Home

I am a happy girl. I have in front of me

  1. My MacBook Pro with a wireless connection to the internet
  2. a cup of coffee that Mr. Dump made from whole Dunkin Donuts beans ground by the coffeemaker right before brewing
  3. a bowl of Special K Red Berries

All of these things made more special because I am enjoying my breakfast for the first time out on the deck. Goodbye, winter, don’t let the door hit you on the way out.
breakfast on the deck

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Hey, Easter Bunny

We could skip the candy if you would just bring me a warm, sunny day. I realize that Easter is way early this year, so normally we’re dealing with April temps instead of March ones, but still, I have certain expectations about Easter that just aren’t going to be met.

Historically (and I mean back when I was a kid through recent years with my kid) after Easter dinner we would get in the car and drive over to the Leominster State Forest and look for salamanders and fish. I know, seems silly, but you must know, Easter Bunny, that you were the one who would bring us the butterfly nets that we used to catch the salamanders. You do remember that, don’t you?

We took all the kids (and when I say that I’m referring to my son, niece and nephew) to the park a couple of times to either throw a frisbee, a baseball, or fly a kite. All things I do not want to do tomorrow because it’s going to be too cold. So I’ll ask again; instead of sugary stuff, can you give me a 55 degree day with puffy clouds and no wind? That would rock. (Of course, I wouldn’t turn down the warm day AND some of those chocolate covered marshmallow rabbits that I love…)

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My New Measure of "A Good Day"

If I can say “Well, at least my ass didn’t grow around my toilet seat” I’m having a good day.

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My New Measure of “A Good Day”

If I can say “Well, at least my ass didn’t grow around my toilet seat” I’m having a good day.

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Attack of the Gnomes

Longtime fans of the Big DumpTruck know that I have odd obsessions. Some come and some go. Some appear to come and go because I don’t talk about them as much as I used to. Michael “Lord of the Dance” Flatley, ice cream trucks, and Adam West come to mind (because I used to do a weekly Lord of the Dance update and talk about Adam West sightings, which I don’t do any more. I still love them both.)

My current obsession is with garden gnomes. I’m not sure how it happened, but it did. I love them. I don’t own any, but that’s part of the appeal. Not having one means I get to focus my life on finding just the perfect one.

So now my family points out any television show or commercial that features garden gnomes. It’s nice to have people trying to make me happy. Yesterday Mr. Dump sent me a link to a YouTube cartoon that had a very small garden gnome appearance that made me laugh out loud.

And today in the news there’s an awesome report of a garden gnome terrorizing a small town in Argentina. Viva la scary gnome!

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Invisible Bully Tricks

I seem to recall seeing something on television (No! Really?) where a bully would wet his finger or thumb with saliva and then rub the thumb on the glasses of the nearest glasses-wearing nerd. Such fun for the nerd! Bully spit at close view!

Today my right contact lens feels like someone did the same thing. Is it possible to have a finger print on a contact lens? I need to go check it out before my 10am meeting, because I don’t want to spend two ours with a Popeye-like squint on my face. Sure, maybe if I had a pipe and a can of spinach, but not without my props, thanks.

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