The Big DumpTruck

Throwing Little Thought Pebbles at Your Windshield Since 1996

Category: Uncategorized

Dora the Explorer Follow Up

It’s been 7 years since we had this discussion, and I’ll be honest, she might live in Mexico. I don’t think I ever researched the actual answer on that one. And I still think Boots will turn on her.

Source: Dora the Explorer Dinner Discussion

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248 Views

I got notified there were 248 hits since 5 PM on my Love Boat Questions post circa 2015. What are you people searching for? (My analytics aren’t showing.)

It’s for this page: http://www.bigdumptruck.com/2015/06/love-boat/ 

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Michael Comes Out of Anesthesia

The boy had some oral surgery today. Here are some choice quotes from right after he woke up and we were allowed in the recovery room. 

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He drooled some blood onto his shirt. “Oh no! I ruined my shirt! I can never wear it again! [pause] I hate this shirt.”

A minute later when he re-noticed the blood from before. “Oh nooooooooo!”

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He attempted to sing the 12 Days of Christmas along with the Muzak. Poorly.

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A chair squeaked in the hallway. “IS THAT A PUPPY?! Is that Tommy? Tommy the recovery puppy? I want a puppy!”

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He was feeling his pants and they were making a rustling noise. “Why are your pants making noise?” “It’s flesh. [pause] I should iron these pants.” (They’re sweatpants.)

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When the nurse went to take his blood pressure he told the nurse she had very soft hands. Then he complimented her ring. “A lot of people don’t like green things but it’s very nice.”

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“The Spanish lady isn’t Spanish any more.”

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“I was awake for the whole thing. The doctor was talking about how nobody in the office likes him.”

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“It worked”
“What worked?”
“My legs. They still work.”

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He said he wants to use the $10 I owe him (we had a bet on whether or not they’d do the surgery) to buy a ball pitching machine [“It’s NOT a pitching machine cause they use them for tennis!”] like they have at batting cages, but big enough to shoot dodge balls. He wants to donate it to Creative Choices summer camp. “Why?” “Well, *I* don’t want it!”

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“How did I get here?” [the room]
“You walked.”
“No I didn’t!”
“She said you did.”
“She’s a bullshitting liar!”

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“My legs work again!”

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“They put a thing over my nose and told me it would make my arms tingle…but then it made my balls tingle and I got worried. They told me it was okay and I’d be able to have kids.”
“You *asked* them?”
“I should have some say if my babies are going to die!”

Yes, dear, you certainly should.

😜😜😜

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Shopping is Scary

I didn’t shop on Black Friday. I actually finally went to the mall tonight because I figured it would be safe by 5pm. (I may have been right about this – Santa was sitting alone killing time until he could put up the “feeding the reindeer” sign for the night.)
I had to return an item at JC Penny and check something at Macy’s. It’s very festive at the mall. The system at Penny’s played “Mele Kalikimaka,” which I actually consider a sad excuse for a Christmas song. Not a fan. I made my return, and headed over to Macy’s. While I perused the clearance rack, I was stunned to hear Mele Kalikimaka again. A different version of course. Creepy, right?
Eventually I left Macy’s to trek back through the mall to get back to my car. And as I crossed through the doorway back into the mall… Mele Kalikimaka was playing. Because CLEARLY MY LIFE IS A LIVING HELL. 

And that’s why I avoid the mall during the holidays. 

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Tools For Improving My Whole Life

I found a thing on Amazon (and put it on my wishlist!) that is the one thing that I need to make everything in my life fall into place. It will make me healthier, prettier, make men fall in love with me on sight. It will improve my singing voice, my ability to cook chicken, and I’m pretty sure it would get me that Miss America Crown I’ve always wanted.

One thing it would really do well is help me write that book I’ve been meaning to write for the past 30 years. It would help get it published, too. And then it would help the book sell and make me a freaking boatload of money.

I’m of course talking about the Montegrappa Chaos Limited Edition 18K Gold Rollerball Pen.
The Limited Edition 18K Gold Rollerball Pen of my dreams!
Β 
(Click to view on Amazon)

I think what I like best about it is the fact that the pen comes with not one but two skulls. Sure, all that intricate detail might really irritate your hand after hours of writing with it. But isn’t that a small price to pay for an 18k Gold rollerball?

I feel I must issue a stern warning about this pen, though. The pen, while awesome, is not jewel-encrusted. I can’t think of a single thing that isn’t made better by jewel encrustation. This pen would be, that’s for damned sure.

BUT, I’m going to stick my neck out and still recommend this pen. It is a limited edition, and technically, you could probably attach your own diamonds to it. I mean, I think you should, actually. In fact, I insist upon it. After you order this pen for me, you should arrange to have your favorite jeweler attach diamonds. Maybe a ruby or two. Nothing too ostentatious, but something to add a little pop to the pen. Looking at it now, it’s almost too plain without the jewels. Maybe you should just save your $69,000 while I try to find something better. Or, hey, get this for me and I’ll use it to write you a thank you card.

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BDT Report: Timekeeper Praised for Her Clock Skills

Ellen Sojka, official timekeeper for the Littleton Tigers 7th grade football game on Saturday, was the star of the show. Her timekeeping skills were praised not only by friends and family, but by the booth. Also, it was noted that game officials were using HER time as official time, showing a great respect for her accuracy. Ms. Sojka has been asked to maintain these duties for the rest of the season, as nobody has done nearly as good a job.

Ellen RULES!

[My nieceΒ Β is looking for a little search engine love because her brother gets more hits for his name than she does for hers so I am adding some stories about her so that the world will see these if they search for her name.]

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I Like Free Eggs

My sister has chickens. They lay eggs. She gives me eggs. I really appreciate her chickens and their awesome egg-laying skillz.

Deb's Chickens

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BDT Report: Littleton Native Saves Lives

Ellen T.Β Sojka of Littleton MA has saved the lives of countless bugs and flies by letting them out of the house instead of killing them the way her heartless brother (who shall remain unnamed so this will not show up under him in search engines) squishes them. That is because Ellen is a wonderful human being who is way more special than anyone else in her family.

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I’d Rather Be in New Zealand

I was looking at my iGoogle page, to see what depressing weather forecast they had for me. The odd thing is that I saw “Marlboro” listed twice. The background on Marlboro is that is where I used to work, in Massachusetts, until my company moved my department down to the Smithfield, Rhode Island campus. It’s an awesome building, and I love it. It’s just not in Marlboro. (Trust me, I’ve done all the testing to verify it.)

I don’t know how my iGoogle weather gadget came to have Marlboro listed twice. More importantly, I don’t know how it came to have Marlboro listed twice with two entirely different forecasts on it. One of them, specifically labeled Massachusetts, says it’s 48 degrees right now, and that it is raining (it is) and that it will be raining tomorrow, and that it will only be about 58 degrees. Yay.

The other Marlboro says it’s currently 68 and sunny. Well, that is odd because it’s not sunny at all here right now. It’s quite dark, given that it’s 9:30pm. And it says it’s already Wednesday. Hmmm.

Clicking the link to Mystery Marlboro opens up a map that I do not recognize. I don’t know any of the place names. I have to back out to see more of the map to realize it’s an island (Oh, how I WISH I WAS ON AN ISLAND IN THE SUN ENJOYING 68 DEGREES!)

Marlboro is a region in NZ that covers mountains down to the pacific ocean. There are apparently a lot of wineries in this area. I’m thinking Marlboro NZ kicks Marlboro Massachusetts’ ass. They have an aviation museum and a sheep sheering attraction. I’m pretty sure Marlboro MA doesn’t have that.

So New Zealand, you have won this round. But our summer is coming and yours is leaving, so I’ll be checking in again in a few months.

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Why I’m Not Talking to You About My Diet

So around the beginning of the year, January 2nd to be exact, I finally got fed up with my weight, AND heard some very good things about a simple and free app for the iPhone/Touch. I like simple. I like free. Who doesn’t? The app is called LoseIt! and basically you enter your vitals (age, height, weight) and how much you would like to lose total, and how much you want to lose per week (.5, 1, 1.5 or 2 pounds a week). Boom you’re done. You have a daily budget, and now you just log everything you eat, or all your activities. 1/2 an hour of bowling? That’s 105 calories my friend.

I’m closing in on losing 20 pounds now. I don’t think this weekend is bringing me any closer, but I probably won’t GAIN anything either. I seem to have started to be able to eyeball things pretty well. I’ve gained a level of self-control that I never had before. For example, after eating my Caribbean salad with grilled chicken at Chili’s (instead of unlimited chips and queso and a big juicy burger) I did NOT grab a spoon and dig into the community dessert. I could have, I would have just had to figure out how to add it to my cals for the day, but I didn’t WANT to because it would take me just that much longer to FINALLY get to the 20 pound mark. Which I had hoped to do by now, but hey, that’s just how it goes. I can safely tell you that as I come up on 3 full months on this diet, I have NEVER stayed with anything this long. South Beach, which was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do (as a carb addict) lasted about 2 months, I think. Yes, I did lose some weight, and I learned a lot about carbs and what they do to your body, but I gained it all back because there was no way I could go without carbs. I’m not wired that way. I’m pretty sure I could give up meat and veggies if you told me that I could live completely on carbs. Sign me up for the bread and butter diet. I’m THERE.

Anyway, I’ll probably check in periodically when I hit milestones, but otherwise, I’ll try not to bore you with things like the discovery that half (one section) of a Take 5 candy bar is only 100 calories. (Fear of boring you is why I’m not going to talk to you about my diet.) You holier than thou people who are horrified of someone eating a candy bar on a diet should move along right now, because once a month, if I can’t have a little something candy-bar-ish, I start writing a hit list. And getting that out of my system with 100 calories of a candy bar (or 4 Hershey Kisses with almonds, for 25 calories each) keeps me ON the diet. There’s no “I blew it so I should just forget the whole thing” because the calories are measured cumulatively over the course of a week. If I go over my daily budget on Tuesday, I have Wednesday through Sunday to be under that number of calories. A daily budget of 1600 calories is actually a weekly budget of 11200 divided by 7. Get it?

So anyway, because I’m actually being successful with this simple little tool, and because I want to share the love, as some of my friends did with me, I highly recommend LoseIt! Now I have to go add coffee and peanut butter english muffin to my log. I’m saving some calories for a light beer tonight. Living the dream, kids!

If only there were a free wealth-gaining app called “Find It!” I would be writing this to you from my own private island. Someone get to work on that.

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