The Big DumpTruck

Throwing Little Thought Pebbles at Your Windshield Since 1996

Month: January, 2009

You Know What This Week Needs?

It needs some snow. I don’t think there is enough out there. I am looking at the frozen blocks of snow still stuck to my driveway, and I think “there has to be a way to make them more annoying than they already are. What is the best way to go about that? And then I remembered how annoying it is to try to remove snow when there are still strips of ice in the driveway (because most of my driveway is in the shade most of the year). Snow! Snow would be perfect. I just wish there was a way for me to get some snow…

What?

Tonight? Into tomorrow?

Now we’re talkin!

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Canine Vomitous

Something’s gotten into the dog. Maybe literally. I’m very very excited about this development, because now I’m going to be a day behind on stuff at work, plus I won’t get to do anything fun this weekend. My birthday weekend. He was on antibiotics but they ended Tuesday, so this is a little too far for it to be a direct result of that. I was actually thinking how great it was that he didn‘t get sick from the meds, as it was a stated side effect.

He is sitting on a towel on the other end of the couch. He isn’t looking at me. He looks so sad. Maybe he would have looked like that on a normal day. I know he’s mad at me because I had to take his food and water bowls away from him, per the vet. They want nothing going in for 12 hours. He just stood next to where the bowls are supposed to be and looked at me. And looked at me. I feel like such a creep, but doctor’s orders and all that.

I was hoping whatever it was worked its way out at the doggie daycare before I picked him up, but he yakked twice on the way out to the car. Maybe THAT was the last time. I hope. Please God, I have no desire to clean up this type of mess. ugh.

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Wow, I Wonder What My Stats Will Look Like

Some hackers messed up my hosting company pretty good. As a result of their shenanigans, Google removed me from their listings. So now, even if you search for this site, you will not see any results from it. I have applied for faster reinstatement (they suspend the site for 30 days but if you fix the issue they’ll put you back faster).

I don’t have exact numbers in front of me on how much of my traffic comes from Google, but I know it’s quite a bit. My numbers dropped into the toilet anyway, what with my sporadic updating schedule, Blogrolling biting the wax tadpole (oh, sure, once a month they tell us they’re almost ready to relaunch. You know, I once paid for their gold account service. I’m just saying) it’s all melted away. I think the problem is that I don’t pay you guys enough to stop by on a more regular basis. I’ll have to work out the compensation table “friends of the dump”. I’m sure it will be enough for you to quit your jobs. Or something. What if I promise you an original work of art? Or some of my dryer lint? We’ll work it out.

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Welcome, Number 44

You know, if they could have just moved the inauguration to yesterday, or MLK day to today, I would have been able to join in the celebration of the transition from President #43 to President #44. However, I have to work, and at work, I had a noon meeting scheduled. I could have blown off that meeting, but I think #44 would not want me to prefer leisure over work (his words).

So back to the grind, jealous of anyone who didn’t have a noon meeting. You are all stinky poo-poo heads.

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How To Torture Me

You know, just when you thought you could afford groceries… Two bills show up that make you wonder if you really *need* two cars.

This stupid winter! It’s been crazy windy for months. A couple of weeks ago it blew shingles off the roof and exposed plywood. That’s just GREAT! After spending forever trying to find a roofer who would even return my calls, I finally got someone to come out to patch it. We’ll call him Crazy Roofer Guy cause I’m pretty sure he is. When he called me the other day he acted like i should now who he is. My cell phone caller ID only provides so much backgbround info, CRG. and then of all the days he could have come to fix it, he picked today. It was zero out.

Now we have another bill tomorrow for something completely out of the blue that we may get reimbursed for, but who knows when that will happen. Not going into any details, of course. I could really use a chest of pirate treasure in the backyard. I should maybe look for that tomorrow. I think that’s when Crazy Roofer Guy said he’d be back to pick up a check. I think I’ll pay him in dubloons.

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My Not-Golden Globe

I don’t have a Golden Globe. We do have a globe, but it’s planet-colored. I think most of the countries are right, but I haven’t checked it in a while. I may need to take a Sharpie to a few ne’er-do-well countries – I should have kept a list during the Olympics.

I also did not get any ultra swaggy gift bags. I call foul on that one. I hear you get electronics and pimple cream. Well, I’m basing that entirely on a radio commercial for said pimple cream. I have to suspect that most folks rip through the bags, pull out the Blackberry Storms and iPhone’s and leave the pimple cream on the table near the empty vodka bottles and shrimp flotsam.

I’m glad I didn’t go because I don’t have anything to wear that wouldn’t make the bag lady section of the fashion mags. If I was a super-hot starlet I would try to bring back the Laura Ingalls look. I think hot me could pull it off.

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Shaws Was Not a War Zone

All the locals know we’re expecting “Death Storm 2009” tomorrow. Or maybe “Sprained Ankle Storm 2009”. Something ominous. Something that looks flashy on the news. Operation Snowflake? I’ll keep working on that.

As a rule, if snow is forecast, the grocery stores are ransacked for French toast ingredients (milk, bread, eggs – universalhub.com issues formal French Toast alerts. I use the UH warning system to determine whether or not it’s time to stock up on syrup.

As usual, we haven’t done the weekly shopping yet, and we were out of half and half, an unacceptable situation. Even though we’re at red alert, I have to have coffee in the morning or my address will be in the news by tomorrow night.

I dragged Birthday Boy to the store. On the way, he says I’m only allowed to buy 10 or fewer things so we can go through the fast line. This old game. Sure. I tell him that I will only be buying three things and then we keep picking up more and more stuff and he gets annoyed with me but I am such a great actress I can pretend that I had every intention of only buying three things when I know that is not the case. I deserve an award of some kind.

The parking lot was empty. The store was neat as a pin [what the he’ll does THAT mean?] and fully stocked. Should I assume everyone got an updated weather bulletin. Oh, and for the record – 10 items exactly, and I didn’t even have to count the buy one get one free English muffins as a single item. Of course, that means I did not get to emote. Maybe next time.

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Okay, Fame and Fortune, I’m Ready

I declare 2009 The Year That Jody Has Enough Money to Buy Things and Go on Vacations She Totally Doesn’t Need. That’s right, I’m saying that 2009 needs to be “the year of excess cash”. So, contact me offline and I’ll give you my mailing address so the checks can start coming. It’s not tax deductible, but really, should that make a difference? Think about me, Jody. I don’t own a single pair of cowboy boots. I have never slept in a castle. Seasonal window treatments don’t just buy themselves, my friends. Any leftover cash (HA! HAHA!) will be used to pay down credit card debt. Or to buy a different pair of eyeglass frames for each day of the week.

Thank you for supporting The Year That Jody Has Enough Money.

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