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No Soup for You

According to ABC News, Venezuela made the worlds’ largest pot of soup. That’s fantastic. I’m a little ashamed that I didn’t think of it first. 3960 gallons of soup, that was. They claimed it was enough to feed 60-70,000 people. That’s crap load of people. Let’s do the math, shall we?

For 60,000 people, 15 folks would share a gallon of soup, give or take. We should round up, because there are 16 cups in a gallon. So I went and poured a cup of water into a bowl. Alright, that’s not bad. But really, what if it’s my favorite soup? A cup isn’t bad, but do you think I’m going to the end of the line of 59,999 other people to try to get seconds? No way.

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Oh My Good Lord, He’s Psychic!

Mr. Dump is.

Remember a long time ago I wrote about how he faked everyone at TGI Friday’s out by saying a story on the TV was about drug-sniffing bees? And we all got a good laugh when he said he’d made it up?

There’s a story on Gizmodo today about a device people are using along with bees trained to sniff drugs. Or bombs. Or bad novels.

Holy crap, someone must have read my website last February and decided to make this idea a reality. I should sue these people and make a lot of money! Go me! And go Bees!

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Keeping a Low Profile

It’s hard to live an exciting life. First people want you to pose on a box of Kraft Mac and Cheese, then they expect you to attend ribbon cutting and key to the city ceremonies. It’s all so much work. I live a modest life. I get up in the morning, and Mike Lowell brings me bacon and eggs in bed (over medium, bacon extra crispy but not burnt). After I eat he dabs at my lips with a linen napkin and tells me he’s going to go get 4 hits for me in the game and I tell him “you do that, babycakes.”

After that, I take a shower and brush my teeth like every other good American. I have to take a phone call from the President because he needs to know what color underwear to use that day. “Today is Tuesday, so look for the blue ones with ‘Tuesday’ written on the band.” So now you know…if it wasn’t for me, the POTUS would wear the same undies every day of the week.

To keep myself grounded, I updated the Still Life with Interview page on the site for the first time in about a year and a half. But you guys are totally worth it. Just click on the tab up there on the top left. I know, it’s an iffy one, but I’m easing into these high-level updates, you know?

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Pikachu

Joan: We have a real treat today, everyone’s favorite Pokemon, Pikachu!

Pikachu: Pika Pika!

Joan: What?

Pikachu: Pika Pika!

Joan: I’m sorry, what?

Pikachu: Pika?

Joan: Is this a joke?

Pikachu: Pika! Pika Pika!

Joan: Um. Right. Sure. Okay.

Pikachu: …

Joan: So there you have it…Pikachu! Thanks for stopping by!

Pikachu: [mumbles] Pika.

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