The Big DumpTruck

Throwing Little Thought Pebbles at Your Windshield Since 1996

Month: June, 2005

McDonald’s Fruit & Walnut Salad

Joan: It’s a happy day here in Joanville – we have McDonald’s new Fruit & Walnut Salad!

Fruit & Walnut Salad: Hello!

Joan: I just want to jump right in here with a question, because that’s what I do best, right?

Fruit & Walnut Salad: Go right ahead.

Joan: What the hell is a Fruit Buzz(tm) ?

Fruit & Walnut Salad: It’s what you get after eating one of me!

Joan: But what *is* it? Is there some chemical additive involved? Is it legal?

Fruit & Walnut Salad: No, no, it’s just a natural feeling of euphoria one gets after eating a Fruit & Walnut Salad. We call it a Fruit Buzz(tm)

Joan: Really.

Fruit & Walnut Salad: Sure! And any meal is a great time for a fruit buzz(tm)!

Joan: But you’re just apple slices and grapes and a little container of vanilla yoghurt.

Fruit & Walnut Salad: Don’t forget the candied walnuts!

Joan: I hate walnuts. So if I go home and pull out an apple and some grapes and a container of yoghurt, I’ll get a homemade fruit buzz(tm)?

Fruit & Walnut Salad: You’d need candied walnuts.

Joan: Okay, for the sake of argument, I’ll throw in sugar encrusted walnuts. Now can I get a self-induced buzz?

Fruit & Walnut Salad: No, it’s only available at McDonalds.

Joan: For less than $3 a throw. Because you’re saying there’s nothing extra in it.

Fruit & Walnut Salad: No, you need our salad.
Joan: Because I’m just saying, it’s only apples and grapes….

Fruit & Walnut Salad: …and walnuts…

Joan: Screw the walnuts!

Fruit & Walnut Salad: Hey, hey, I’m a family-friendly Ronald McDonald-approved product, ma’am. We do not screw walnuts.

Joan: I’m sorry, I guess I forgot to get a buzz on before you got here. Lean over so I can grab some apples…wait, where are you going?

Fruit & Walnut Salad:

Joan: Well, thanks to our friend the Fruit & Walnut Salad for helping us understand the Fruit Buzz(tm).

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McDonald’s Fruit & Walnut Salad

Joan: It’s a happy day here in Joanville – we have McDonald’s new Fruit & Walnut Salad!

Fruit & Walnut Salad: Hello!

Joan: I just want to jump right in here with a question, because that’s what I do best, right?

Fruit & Walnut Salad: Go right ahead.

Joan: What the hell is a Fruit Buzz(tm) ?

Fruit & Walnut Salad: It’s what you get after eating one of me!

Joan: But what *is* it? Is there some chemical additive involved? Is it legal?

Fruit & Walnut Salad: No, no, it’s just a natural feeling of euphoria one gets after eating a Fruit & Walnut Salad. We call it a Fruit Buzz(tm)

Joan: Really.

Fruit & Walnut Salad: Sure! And any meal is a great time for a fruit buzz(tm)!

Joan: But you’re just apple slices and grapes and a little container of vanilla yoghurt.

Fruit & Walnut Salad: Don’t forget the candied walnuts!

Joan: I hate walnuts. So if I go home and pull out an apple and some grapes and a container of yoghurt, I’ll get a homemade fruit buzz(tm)?

Fruit & Walnut Salad: You’d need candied walnuts.

Joan: Okay, for the sake of argument, I’ll throw in sugar encrusted walnuts. Now can I get a self-induced buzz?

Fruit & Walnut Salad: No, it’s only available at McDonalds.

Joan: For less than $3 a throw. Because you’re saying there’s nothing extra in it.

Fruit & Walnut Salad: No, you need our salad.
Joan: Because I’m just saying, it’s only apples and grapes….

Fruit & Walnut Salad: …and walnuts…

Joan: Screw the walnuts!

Fruit & Walnut Salad: Hey, hey, I’m a family-friendly Ronald McDonald-approved product, ma’am. We do not screw walnuts.

Joan: I’m sorry, I guess I forgot to get a buzz on before you got here. Lean over so I can grab some apples…wait, where are you going?

Fruit & Walnut Salad:

Joan: Well, thanks to our friend the Fruit & Walnut Salad for helping us understand the Fruit Buzz(tm).

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Deer, Can You Pick Up Some Milk On Your Way Home?

So the big news around here is that there was that a young deer somehow ended up in a convenience store in downtown Fitchburg. This is a fairy urban area, as downtowns go. I know there are areas of trees up the street some, but I don’t know how big they are or how dense it is. Does it qualify as “woods”? The parts of the city immediately surrounding downtown are more residential. Maybe there are woods up behind the old high school. (Sally, are you checking in? You work down there at the Art Museum, what’s the general consensus on where he came from? Out by Burbank Hospital?)

Mom Deer: Fluffy, I need to you run an errand for me.

Fluffy: Aw mom! I don’t wanna!

Mom Deer: Fluffy, no back talk! Now you run to the convenience store and get me a pack of Pall Malls and some 2% milk. This instant!

All things being equal, I’d rather have a deer in a convenience store than an alligator in the pond behind a Pontiac dealership, like they did in Auburn.

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So, Then, Hello Summer!

The 50 degree days are behind us now, and this week looks lovely. Even if it were raining and snowing and windy and hot and humid, it would be a lovely week in the eyes of a certain seven-year-old who has his last day of first grade on Thursday. Ugh. I own a second grader. I won’t get into the whole weepy “where is my baby!” rant that you all know I can do so well. He’s grown so much in the past year, physically and mentally. I just can’t say enough nice things about him, but hey, you’ll dismiss that as a mom’s ravings.

Last Friday he came with me to my Aunt’s wake, and he was a perfect gentleman. Shook hands with all the new people he met, answered their questions, and didn’t whine too much when we stayed there until 7pm. He was rewarded with a trip to UNO’s for pasta. Today he got his certificate and medal for reading over 120 books (at home) this school year, which grandma and grandpa were able to attend in my place. I was happy to hear that a lot of the kids reached this goal. I love knowing that there are a lot of little readers out there.

So tonight is the next to the last baseball game of the season. I love that he plays, but it is just too hard for me to be involved as an assistant coach – not when I work out of town. I am looking forward the being done the last game, which is too bad, because it is fun. We’ll just keep the gloves in the car and play whenever we get a chance.

Okay, enough of that, then. Anybody got some pie they could share?

p.s. If you can help the Stratton Players in their quest to find 2 size-42 bowling shirts, can you drop me an email? They need them for a play they’re producing this summer.

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Happy Dad’s Day!

Happy father’s day, dads! Hope you enjoy the ties!

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What To Do, What To Do

You know what? Yesterday turned out to be just a really not great day, so today is sort of my do-over. And you know what? I don’t want to do anything. Do that count? We were supposed to go out and run errands this morning, and now it’s 12:15pm and I haven’t done much of anything, and I’m proud of it. Darn it.

Baseball practice this afternoon is the only thing we have to do. I think if we didn’t have that, I’d probably head to Target, but now I don’t have enough time, because I hate being rushed in Target. I’m sorry, but I’m a browser. I love just looking at everything.

Junior gave us a choice, we can either go to Bertuccis or Chuck E. Cheese for dinner. First off, he doesn’t get to give us choices. Second, it will be a cold day in hell…

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Bubble Water Update

Tried the Mandarin Orange Poland Spring sparkling water. Not horrid. I’d have it again. The issue is, it smell like orange soda, which I adore, but it tastes like flavored bubbling water, which I also adore, but isn’t the same as a big can of Orange Crush, y’know. So that means I like them all, except for lemon, because it smells too much like dish detergent.

Oh, and when did this obsession start? It was a slow start last fall when I decided to try to cut out soda from my diet (I’m down about 90% in soda consumption, but I reserve the right to keep some Barqs in the fridge.) Then we went on the whirlwind Disney trip in October, and on the concierge level, they had big bottles of Perrier. And when I asked for some to take back to the room one night, they handed me a whole big bottle. I have not been the same since.

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One Hundred Thousand Miles Young

The Maxima turned 100,000 miles this morning. That’s 700,000 in dog miles.

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3 Little Pigs

Following up on yesterday’s bacon topic…

I noticed in the ad panel that I’m not supposed to mention that someone is selling plans for building your own straw bale house. So like the three little pigs, you could live in a house made of straw. I’m not sure how I feel about this. I actually went to the site because I was having a hard time picturing what they meant, and I’m still not sure. They talk about how it’s fire safe. But how can a straw house be fire safe? And they also talk about how the air in your house will be better because it’s filtered through the straw, but then the pictures show that the straw isn’t even exposed, so how is that possible? Only if you don’t put up real walls? Can you have this kind of house if you have allergies? I would think it’s kind of dusty.

I can imagine I’d go through the massive trouble of building one of these things, and then all God’s woodland creatures would show up and start nibbling on my foundation. That’s all I’d need. So anyway, if I had a lot of land and a bunch of money to just throw away, I’d try to build something out of straw bales, because, hey, I’m a curious person. (Very curious. Like, I want to know what happened to the cement mixer that’s in the junkyard on route 70 in Lancaster. The mixer part looks fine but the cab is completely crushed down from the top. It looks like something was dropped on it) Maybe I could build junior a clubhouse. Or kill two birds with one stone, and build my 3 season room out of straw bales! Ya! Except it wouldn’t have any windows so it wouldn’t really be as functional as a sunroom, but we could use it as storage for Junior’s books! Oh, imagine the possibilities!

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I Ate Bacon

I had some bacon this morning (in a “sunshine sandwich”) and I’d do it again, darn it!

For those of you keeping track, I also switched my water order from raspberry-lime Poland Spring Sparkling water (aka “bubble water”) to just lime. I’m all raspberry-limed out. I still don’t like the lemon, and I can’t remember how I feel about the orange. If I didn’t have so many of the bottles at home available to bring in, I’d probably try one in the cafeteria.

I organized Junior’s bookcase last night; it had become a huge messy pile of junk. I know I there are probably quite a few that I could pull off that bookcase and store somewhere else, but I need to find the “somewhere else” first. I don’t want to get rid of them, but I don’t want to put them out on display, either. If I ever got the spare room cleaned up, I could put a bookcase in there for his extras and my own. I cleaned up that room once this year, so much so that you could actually walk around in it, but it’s back to being a complete mess. I think it’s time to start throwing things out again. And find a new home for our luggage. It’s times like this that I dislike living in a cape, because you are in the attic when you’re on the second floor, so there’s no attic storage. Boo, Hiss. This was only supposed to be our “starter house” anyway. Tomorrow, we’ll have been in it for 11 years. Not really a “starter house” if you never move out of it, huh?

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