The Big DumpTruck

Throwing Little Thought Pebbles at Your Windshield Since 1996

Month: February, 2004

I’m Old

It’s a sad day when you have to turn to the Internet to figure out the rules for playing checkers.

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More Junior Stories

My son is apparently the greatest source of amusement my sister has in her life. Quite recently she had to walk away from us because she was laughing so hard she had to go to the bathroom. That was at the mall, where the three kids were picking out clothes for their new stuffed pals at Pawsandclaws or whatever that make-your-own bear place is. Junior had a monkey. His first outfit of choice? A tuxedo (which is funny – a monkey in a monkey suit, but I don’t think he knows any formalwear jokes so it probably wasn’t for that reason). When I nixed that, he went for blue silk pajamas. I forced a pair of jeans and a fleece vest on the monkey for day wear, and told Junior to get some shoes for him. He came back with brown loafers. I think that’s the point where my sister had to walk away. In the meantime, my niece was putting a J-Lo velour track suit on her kitty, and my nephew a camouflage outfit on a lion. I’ve got the kid picking out silk pjs and loafers. (Which we eventually swapped for sneakers.)

He’s a good kid, brilliant, loving, sweet, friendly, funny, smart (really!)…and yet…last night at her house he came out of her bathroom holding his ear, because he’d hit it on her toilet paper holder. Both my sister and I had the shoulder-shaking silent laughter going on. I actually had to make him show me how he did it, because there was no way on earth I could imagine how a male, standing to pee, could hit his ear on the toilet paper holder. (It involved peeking around the shower curtain to look in her tub, apparently.)

He also has a tendency to remove articles of clothing (what kid doesn’t?) but then he swings the item in his hand. It makes him look like a stripper. He did that in her kitchen last night, for no apparently reason, and while she tried to control a giggle fit, I could only say “If you’re going to be a stripper, just make sure you’re the best stripper you can be! I just want you to be happy!” in my best “mom” tone of voice. Which made her laugh harder.

I don’t really want him to be a stripper, by the way. I’ve got at least 12 years to get him interested in something else.

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Another Ice Cream Truck

My Matchbox/Hotwheels ice cream truck collection just doubled in size…to 2. You’re probably saying to yourself, “Hey, why didn’t I know that Jody had an ice cream truck collection?” and the answer would be “because I never mentioned it.”

I don’t mention it because I don’t want the world inundating me with ice cream truck-related crap…I only bought the first one because of the Open Letter I wrote the the ice cream man. When a reporter from some Midwestern state actually contacted me for an interview about the article (!) I thought maybe it was my claim to fame. Or something.

So now I have two, because I bought one on Monday. It’s actually pretty creepy. I don’t know if kids would buy this one. It’s lime green with a big clown jack-in-the-box painted on the side, and a sign on the top says “Treats for Creeps.” Uh, okay. It also says “I scream” on the side. Ya, I’d buy something from THAT guy.

My original truck is cool because the door slides open and closed, and when you open it, the little man appears in the window to take your order. Now that’s a cool detail.

So please, do not send me more ice cream trucks. I wouldn’t want to have to rent space to house the collection.

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Now We Are Six

Me: So you’ve just given up. You’re never going to even try to wipe you’re own butt? When you are forty, I’ll be seventy-three. You’re not going to want that.

Him: When I’m a grown-up, like a grandpa, there won’t be anyone to wipe my bum.

Me: No.

Him: So I’ll have to sit on the toilet the rest of my life until I die.

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Nothing to See Here

I am just flat out of funny. I’ve got nothing to say. Well, I have lots to say, and it would get me the Nobel Prize of Mundane-ity. You just don’t want to have to deal with that. If you do, you’re in a worse place than I am, really.

So I’ll just tell you what I’m having for dinner tonight. I went to Bob’s Turkey Farm in Lancaster with my parents the other day, and I picked up these little flash-frozen Thanksgiving dinner thingies. I think I decided on that because the chicken pot pie doesn’t have any veggies in it, and I didn’t want to be responsible for making sure I had some on whatever day I decided to make it. I mean, I have veggies, but sometimes only canned stuff, if I haven’t gotten to the store. (Not that I feel the need to explain this to all you vegans who just paled and removed my site from your list of bookmarks.)

Anyway, when you go into their store, it smells like Thanksgiving! What a way to get you to spend all your money on turkey products!

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Things I Forgot to Mention

I meant to post over the weekend but got all distracted by my efforts to stay away from the computer. So here are the things I meant to tell you but forgot.

1) Tax refund! I’ve known my accountant since he married a childhood friend of mine. He’s very cool, and does a very quick and thorough job. I’m a happy girl.

2) I found the most scentless unscented lotion ever. EVER. I am a freak about needing things to be unscented. Scents give me a sinus headache I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy, so I’m the kind of person who can’t really use hairspray, scented lotions and potions, and God forbid, perfume. This is a Jergens product in a tube (the only flaw so far, because you have to close the lid to put it down every time you squeeze a little out. But it’s so unscented that I put some on only one hand, and then made Mr. Dump close his eyes and try to guess which hand had the lotion, and he couldn’t tell. I mean, a minute after I applied it.

Okay, to make it easy for you, I found it on the web. Jergens Ultra Healing Intense Moisture Therapy. No scent! And according to Google, ABCNews.com rated it as one of the two lotions that softened skin best. I am SO excited to have found this stuff. I’m throwing everything else out.

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Back the the Grind

I could use another 3 or 4 days off, but I couldn’t go without being paid. Stinks, really. I have great hope of someday having another full-time job with benefits, paid holidays and vacation time. I’ve been working since June without a vacation, and I’m starting to feel it.

I’d insert a *sigh* here but I’m kind of busy and don’t have time.

We got the Lion King 1.5 this weekend, and it was great. I am SO glad someone told me that it was a whole different take on The Lion King minus the whole “Dad was killed by his brother” thing. I have never been a big fan of the original just because it was so dark that way.

This one is great, funny, and I love the songs. Two thumbs up.

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Made *me* Laugh

I’sung crunchy praises before, but this is some A+ stuff. I like the funny, you know? But it is a bit liberal, so heads up.

Mr. Crunchy

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Dropping Like a Stone

Boy, a twenty-five degree temperature drop. Just what I like on a weekend. I’m wearing three layers today; for some reason I just can’t get warm. I’d say it was my thyroid going out of whack but I just had my bloodwork done and my meds adjusted a couple of weeks ago. Granted, my Endo, Dr. Blanchard, says that if you go too far the other way with the meds you’ll become symptomatic again, so you can never assume you just need more of whatever medication you’re on.

Nobody else is cold, but that doesn’t surprise me. I’m surrounded by males who run waaaay hotter than I do. Luckily a week or two ago I hit a clearance sale at Filenes and got one of those things that are sort of like a shawl – like a hugely wide scarf. I can wear that and get a little extra warm on the top part of me, where I need it.

It’s so sunny out though, it’s deceiving. I hate to be fooled.

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Freakish Snack Product Review

Now how could I ignore the bag in the vending machine that said “T.G.I. Friday’s Mozzarella Snack Sticks (Original Flavor?)

I mean, the picture implies cheese, and I’m wondering what they did to get cheese in the bag.

Gah. God bless the artificial flavor industry, but this is just too odd for words. They’re like Cheese Doodles, but instead of orange, they’re made to look like deep friend mozzarella. And the cheese flavor mimics some kind of real cheese. But every bite made me feel just that much close to death. I’m going to have to give them a B-, which is for interesting look and feel, and some kind of addictive component, but just nothing I’d buy again unless I was feeling low in the salt and powdered cheese department.

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