The Big DumpTruck

Throwing Little Thought Pebbles at Your Windshield Since 1996

Month: April, 2009

Ode to the Wrong Shoes

Ode to the Wrong Shoes

I wore the wrong shoes today
Right color, wrong brand
My eyes were tired and blurred
when I reached into the closet
hoping for the best
I found them by touch
and at first glance
saw brown shoes and ended my search.
The cuffs of my pants hang lovingly
against the top
But Wait!
These are the Wrong Shoes
They are not my really comfy Merrills
They are tight
and my big toe feels crushed
defeated
stupid brown shoes
you will pay for your sneakiness and
your harm to my toe
with your life.

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Swan Flu Watch Continues

My bout with swan flu, characterized by an urge to eat Kettle Korn and a lack of energy when it comes to dragging my sorry ass out of bed in the morning, appears to be improving. I believe this can be attributed to my making a meal that involved cream of mushroom soup last night. Depression set in, however, when I realized that I forgot to bring the leftover in to work this morning, thus leaving me leftoverless. I certainly hope this does not cause a setback in my rapid recovery path.

As for the visitors stopping by from Universal Hub, I thank you for your kind concern and your page hits. Do feel free to follow me on Twitter. You know, at least until I’m out of the swan flu woods. Or the swan flu meadow.

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Vacation and the Swan Flu

I think I have swan flu. I’ve been reading about it in the paper, don’t you know. It sounds very bad but in reality, if you have swan flu you cough a lot and want to sleep in on Monday mornings. I have both of those symptoms. I’m very concerned that my swan flu will be catchy, so I am trying to avoid doing yard work, which I believe will make the swan flu worse.

You should thank me for being so concerned about spreading my germs.

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Oh Lord, I’m Lazy

I’m typing this on my bed. Downstairs, gerbil Suzy is on her wheel, and the wheel is squeaking. But I don’t want to go downstairs to take the wheel out because
a) I don’t want to get out of bed
b) I don’t want to go downstairs
c) I don’t want to have to wash my hands after taking out the wheel.

I wonder if it would be a bad thing to wake up Junior and make him do it. Maybe if I used a stern mom voice he wouldn’t question my sanity. Out loud.

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Worst Reason to Cancel Baseball Practice

Junior has practice tomorrow. We heard it might snow. You know, people, by Tax Week, we should have all this snow nonsense behind us. [Yes, of course I know it’s not unheard of – our Lamaze class was filled with the result of the Unnamed 4/1 Snowstorm of ’97. Not us, we were due a couple of weeks after everyone else. I’ve told you that before. I’m not making it up.]

I have less than a week until I’m on vacation. I’m pretty sure that I’m not going to make it until then before bursting from anticipation and packing-avoidance. You know, the usual.

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My New Favorite Paper

Picked up an eco-friendly notebook at Staples the other day because the paper was thin. I’m obsessed with thin paper. I like the way it sounds after you’ve written on it. [Yes, I’m odd. But you already knew that.] The cool thing about this notebook is that it was made in Egypt from bagasse, which is the fancy name for “paper made from sugar cane”. Basically they take the pulp of the cane that is left after the extract the sugar and they make paper out of it.

I love this paper. I sometimes write with a fountain pen and it does NOT feather or bleed through, which is amazing, given how thin the paper is. I want to ONLY buy this kind of paper from now on. My only complaint is that Staples only had two sizes of notebooks available and I was looking for one slightly smaller than 6 x 9.5. But I will suffer because it’s great stuff. In the meantime, I’m going to look for alternative sources of bagasse paper. Because it’s the little things that make me happy.

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What If I’m Attacked By Wasps?

I tried my son’s shampoo today. It’s kid’s shampoo – watermelon “flavored”. I thought it might be a good idea because, well, it was 6 o’clock in the morning and that’s the kind of decision I make without coffee.

It was sweet smelling. Not so much like watermelon as just sugary watermelon syrup smell. I started to think about it – putting sugar on my head might not be a good idea. What if I get attacked by wasps today? I mean, have you ever seen them around a soda can? My head is like a giant invitation!

Now I’m going to have to wear a bag over my head to keep the wasps away. Suave really should have put that warning on the side of the bottle.

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