The Big DumpTruck

Throwing Little Thought Pebbles at Your Windshield Since 1996

My $150,000 Wardrobe

I don’t know why everyone is harassing Sarah Palin about her $150,000 wardrobe enhancement. I mean, what’s the big deal? That’s about average in 2008, isn’t it? I know that I still have $25,000 left to spend on my $150,000 wardrobe enhancement, but I’m feeling pretty good about the $125,000 I’ve spent. I mean, like Sarah, I have a lot of public appearances that I have to make. I appear in public pretty much daily.

My most recent purchase was a heavy-duty pull-over fleece top that I bought at the Blue Heron tent sale a week and a half ago. I got it for ten dollars. I mean, ten thousand dollars (*cough*) which is what the receipt I sent to the GOP said.

Really, what it comes down to is pantsuits and makeup that is not available in the cosmetics aisle of Target. That’s really where the bulk of the enhancement budget went. I will look fabu in my new pantsuits as I meet “real Americans”. And the makeup will transform me into a movie star. That’s what it’s all about, right? When I’m at the self-serve gas station, people will offer to pump my gas for me. Because they will look at my pantsuits and know that I’m somebody to worship.

Everything I own now, by the way, is encrusted in Swarovski crystals. That’s what makes the difference between being dressed and being enhanced. When people see my glittery pants, tops and underwear, they will be excited to even be near me, and declare the money well spent. No more store-brand pants for me, I’m SOMEBODY NOW!

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  1. (adjusting sun glasses)I’m impressed.
    I’ve never seen a pull-over fleece top worn with glittery Swarovski crystal pants before

  2. Make-up? You man you haven’t spent $22,000 in the last two weeks for your make-up artist?

    I would definitely complain if I were you.